flashman181

Yes its been a while. This is not to imply all is rosy in Flashland but rather I have been so busy lately. Yeah ok, thought I would start with a joke……

So the weekend was looking good. A trip to Toowoomba for GS1’s 5th Birthday party and then a nice overnighter in our favourite new B&B. There was some light nuisance rain on the way out – not the forecast deluge at this stage. Yeah the weather bureau stuffed up – who would have thunk. But as we climbed what I assumed was the range the array of annoyances were not far away

I say assume “was the range” because one could not see more then 10 feet in front of you! Gimpland has always been to the forefront on towns where Mother Nature thought she could have some shits and giggles when to came to “local weather” but let me tell you Toowoomba is in Gold Medal position with daylight second – ironic really given there was actually none visible. Now, not going to start the whole headlights on/off argument again except to say that when I saw something coming my way I was able to discern a vehicle with lights on at about 12 feet and one without at about 5 feet. I rest my case Your Horror. So we muddled our way through the gloom to the party location where every one had a good time – except maybe Cleo the Clown who seemed to have an eternal grimace on her face. The lad did well pressie wise even if a bit over whelmed by the whole occasion. Then back out into the gloom and around to our B&B for a relaxing few hours before venturing out again.

After another visit with the kiddies it was time to head out for dinner at a local rain soaked establishment. Grievance 2. Why is it that people who live in towns that can indeed get cold eg Toowoomba, Melboring…. – feel the need to ensure all visitors know it is a cold town by dressing up like Nannook of the North whenever the skies turn grey between May and September regardless of, you know, the actual temperature. It was miserable weather but it wasnt cold as there was no wind. If there had been then the bloody fog may have lifted!!! So while trying to walk around people carrying 4 overcoats we sat inside only to be blasted by a Thermonuclear Heating device which increased the internal temperature from the pleasant God Given 22 degrees to a hellish 43! Not an enjoyable environment for eating

So next day dawned clear for the trip down the highway to Brisvegas to visit the Matriach. Now the Range is largely flowing again as in molasses occasionally moves forward but at the bottom of the range there should be a large neon sign stating “Turn off Cruise Control now. You will thank me later” . There is so much roadwork for the first 30-40 k it is a joke, Ok it was a Sunday, I dont expect “workers” to be leaning against their shovels. It would be nice though to actually see some evidence of work having been done in the previous week rather than pristine lanes closed simply because someone ordered too many barricades when on special and only place to store them it appears is on clearly perfect roads.

The overwhelming news last week was of course the sad passing of a true genius in Robin Williams. It took only 24 hrs though to get sick of the social media overdirve that filled my newsfeeds eveyrwhere which were mainly second rate celebrities recounting their interaction with him. The retweeted thoughts of Miley Cyrus and Khloe (not even Kym!) Kardashian took the cake. Then next day the screaming headline ” And now Lauren Bacall has died” ?? The two events are not related ya clowns. Sad in a way maybe but she was 140 yrs old and died of natural causes. I imagine she may well have been glad to go. I reset the world on its axis and watched Mrs Doubtfire again – a genuinely enjoyable expoerience

Speaking of which…

Its hard to moan really when you have just spent time with a fifth booteeful and healthy Grandchild but I do have certain obligations to the hordes of fan. Can hordes be singular? And then there was wonderful 10 course degustation at Restaurant 2 on Friday followed by (a bad nights sleep!) the very entertaining and rather talented Wayne Brady at Lyric theatre on Saturday with the CLP. Then Sunday morning dawned and despite wonderful advancements in digital magazines the CLP still enjoys the feel of a long cylindrical object in her hand – so has to buy the Sunday Mail paper version – and then roll it up tightly! Eventually when she had finished…………….. unwrapping it (dirty minds!) there in all its glory was the front page with the the big headline “I AM GAY” and a picture of Bigfoot. I said to her ” Hey blossom where did you get this 10 yr old paper from” ? I was somewhat stunned when she informed me that it was actually Sunday July 13th 2014 edition! So no one knew? Of course they did but I do agree it is no one’s business . We all have that one question we hate being asked all the time. Mine is “Arent you George Clooney” ? Am sure Thorpedo was sick and tired of being asked all the time. After all his biography quite clearly stated that he screwed several sheilas, both in sluggos and full body suit, in his day and as it is in print it must be true. So why does it suddenly become front page “news”. Yes I almost vomited typing “news” too. Then the penny dropped – but I wasnt bending over to pick it up in these uncertain times. Parky was talking to Thorpy on Sundy. Yes Y indeed. Well he got paid 400 k of course. Now once again no problem with that and good luck to him if New Idea would only go to $390 k because they shelled out big on the Princess Kate triplets yarn. But I did spew in my weetbix when all the comments were how “brave” he was. No folks, if he was truly brave he would have announced it years ago but of course in a sad reflection of some world wide cultures that could have killed off some sponsorship deals in the lucrative Asian market. Once again no problem with him earning a crust but lets see this for what it really is – a cynical publicity stunt which of course has worked. How many gay athletes may he have helped if he been “honest” all those years ago. Ian Roberts came out 20 yrs ago and yet there is still a stigma attached to an athletes sexuality – in some circles. Of course no one was game to say that to Roberts. This little black duck did not watch it of course – too pumped for the Kylie Bonking Hutcho segment later – but from the snippet I saw he didnt say he was gay, more a case of ” I am not Straight”. Maybe we need another term for that gray area between being gay and being straight ? Graight? Maybe just Confused ?

So QLD won the dead rubber of SOO 3 and yawns escaped across the land followed by all the “what ifs” like if Cronk had played the first two games would Qld be looking at nine series wins? Probably but the only certain thing is if we had scored more points than NSW in GAME 1 OR 2 we would have won. I think – its another of those gray areas. Parker was superb of course and the rest is in the who cares bin. Speaking of money grabbers was decidedly surprised and disappointed to see Bennett leave the Knights especially when he trotted out the old “it isnt You, its Me” Seinfeld line. Had not been that disappointed with Bennett news since he turned down the offer to coach the Newcastle Jets soccer team as well because you know then it would have been………… wait for it…………….. Benny and the Jets! Then to top of a bad media day we had the ridiculous scene of some floozy trying to interview the quiet man of NRL about the Bennett news – one Darius Boyd ,who must rank as one of the dullest people around. Great winger , personality of a block of cement. Floozy 1 would have known all this of course but still makes for that sound bite for the media to play on loop for 48 hrs.

You only need news to last 48 hrs because you know in every 48 hr cycle PUP Palmer will make a goose of himself and grab a headline or three.

And a Kardashian will either fall pregnant, marry a celebrity, divorce a celebrity or become a celebrity. Apparently

Some random thoughts will write down now as probably forget them later #nolightatendoftunnel

1. We had 3 days of Winter this year and it was very nice. Apparently now we have to wait for GOT Season 5 to start

2. 2.3 million watched Australia/Chile soccer (#weareAussie) match on SBS; 2.6 million watched SOO 2 on Nine. One cant help but think 4.9 million may have watched SOO 2 on SBS and 2.60001 million watch Soccer on Nine.

3. Channel Nine coverage. Right up there with I Want to Marry Harry pregame for scintillating dialogue. I like Rabs I really do. When he calls the football. He loses me when he starts trying to sell the appeal of the next episode of House Husbands . Which brings me to

4. Sportsbet. Simply sick of the ads. Ok you say at the end with a big smirk on your face that you should “gamble responsibly” and then rave on about the 400 k you dropped on your money back bet on S00 1. Ok if that much was won back on one betting option how much money was “gambled responsibly” on the whole match. Then we have the new iPad app designed for fat fools with fat fingers. No, its designed for drunk idiots who cant place a bet on the iPhone! Dont get me started on that twat Waterhouse either

5. Fargo ended well and was a rather stellar season. The test will come with Season 2 I imagine and fresh material but it is in good hands

6. I looked up my date this morning and I am old but do wish someone could explain to me the appeal (#keepgettingmade) of the CGI fests currently masquerading as movies. Ok Godzilla was not the worst example until near the end but there is a new Transformers movie on the horizon and we had Pacific Rim etc. I understand you need CGI if you are making a movie like Godzilla or Desolataion of Smaug etc because these creatures are not naturally occurring except maybe in NSW. Damn they make for dull movie though in general

7. Aussies continue to lead the world in piracy of TV shows like GOT. Yay we are winning at something. The boring farts in Cantberra will attack this with their usual wonderful insight and not address the actual issue as so well highlighted by people such as Louie CK or in Crikey recently

8. Like clockwork – 3 days after visit with Grandkiddies the sore throat and sniffles start. Like reading bacto plates in the morning and then sticking your head in the incubator to look for more without any PPE on! #okyagotmeIhavenoideawhatPPEis

God rested on the 7th day so got her covered by one . But lets end on a laugh (in case you didnt find the previous wordy brilliance humorous)

Lets rev up first with some CCs

Centrelink V Payroll Forget Godzilla, this is the current battle du jour. To continue to travel, and lose regularly at golf, Mr Money Man and I agreed I should look at Newstart especially as was almost 45 yrs old 🙂 So after my big package has shrunken considerably but perfectly acceptably with approaching dotage I should be able to claim Newstart about now. To make sure though I needed my Separation Form from Payroll which I should have ticked box for at time back in Dec 2102. So quickly emailed Payroll last Monday and got an almost immediate response from the lovely Carmen indicating she would start that process immediately and mail it out. A week later memories of dealing with Payroll come flooding back while the mailbox remains empty. Now initial dealings with Centrelink were similarly promising and in 2014 a lot can be done online. Huzzah. I had my CRN and my CAN which are apparently different and set up my 5 secret questions – listing the biggest assholes in Politics and didnt even have to leave the Federal arena. Then I had my phone interview where we struck the first hurdle although Harold was very helpful. Apparently I had an existing CRN from back in the days when I was a sperm donor or something I guess but he assured me the two numbers would merge seamlessly (of course they did not) and then arranged an interview with Job Employment agency the next day. All was on track – any one who has done a claim knows you have 2 weeks to complete or it is cancelled. Went to Sarino Russo ” What job would you like Sir?” “I replied Sultry Nude model“, we both laughed and then of course informed her of the “Golf Course” option. Quickest interview ever, left with my “15 hr volunteer workers form” and headed to Golf Club. All filled out and then we were left with the last hurdle. The in face interview to prove your identity etc. So I lined up at 08:20 this morning with Shazza and Darlene who not only had the flannos on but a rather fetching pair of cut off trakkies – I kid you not. All was good but by opening time the line had extended to 25 – or 50 if you are Paul Gallen . First comment though was “Sorry computers are down, there may be some delay”. Luckily though mine was pretty straight forward after I handed over my platinum Library card I was sweet to go. Go home that is and re enter all of my data on the old CAN! So a week into the claim and the only hurdle at present is getting the form off Patroll in next 4 days…..

Coasterville Ok Zynga are money hungry grubs this we know. There is something simplistic and appealing about games where you build pretty things in your own little ville. I never spent a dime but I did have some impressive erections in my park let me tell you. Then logged on yesterday to be informed that like Windows XP Coasterville would no longer be available after June but you can play Farmville 7 straight away. Fuck off. One less game to check on which is kinda even steven as just joined new and active alliances in Stormfall and Samurai Siege which fill in day nicely.

Community Forums While talking about online games I have noticed over time that these forums and their members – whether gaming, travel, movie and TV – all fall into 3 categories

1. Members who post and always generate a response regardless of topic or any apparent expertise
2. Members who are ridiculed regardless of content of post
3. Members who are simply generally ignored

While I often fall into category 3 this is not a complaint but simply an observation. The only true way to get genuine discussion , and help, on these forums would be for it to be totally annonymous

And now to end on a good note. Great effort by the Not Quite Dark Shark this morning to be the first player/Aussie player to win the Texas Slam in golf. He went in with pressure of Number One on his back and a nagging new wife to deal with. He just made the cut, continually improved and then won a sudden death play off. Class act.

My significantly more successful, and slightly older, brother contacted me last week to join the social network of Linked In. This was unusual as he is not a social media person per se being successful, employed, busy, driven yada yada yada. On first inspection it looked a cross between a Facebook Messenger Lite for busy people and a bragging page for successful people. As it was not April 1st just had to assume it was ironic that after 35 years work I would now be asked to join a professional site when retired. Now I have always been assured that length was not important so was not unduly surprised that my professional resume was what one may call succinct and to the point. Went to college, got a degree, got a job, got sacked 35 years later. Didnt cure cancer although my riveting published paper “The Role of Oncogenes in Leukaemia” did show a lot of promise and indeed offered hope back in 1992 for the appropriately afflicted. Not an original work of course but simply a review I should add. I did learn many years ago that the concept of loyalty was very old school and carried no weight what so ever when it came to job interviews. Yes I did actually apply for one back in the 90s – Sales Rep/App Specialist for Coulter – that would have involved leaving the sheltered workshop of Maryborough Pathology and venturing forth into the big bad world – south of Gimpland. My years of loyal service of course meant zip when stacked up against clowns who had MBAs or similarly unrelated awards to the actual performance of Pathology tests. Undaunted I did actually pursue Post Graduate qualifications but mistakenly went for the one that was only highly regarded by actual medical scientists – AIMS Fellowship – and not by the bean counters who run Qld Health these days. Into the abyss some may say – but that would sound petty and beneath me. So my Linked In profile was looking a bit sparse – which was of minor interest given not actually seeking like minded individuals let alone employment. There was an interesting discovery though. Remember when you were young and carefree and living the life of a Uni Student surrounded by equally carefree and often wild lads and lassies. The only 4 people I knew on Linked In were of the aforementioned group from QIT days and yet had all done remarkably well in the professional world. Did not see that coming. It is interesting how people find their niche in life via many different pathways.

The elephant in the room though of course is how do the Famous Four align my stated current profile with my towering, untapped potential back in the 70s. May have to wait a while to find out.

Apparently they still all have jobs and dont get online much

Maybe I should have added my current level of Candy Crush to my profile?

You can get up off you knees folks – unless that is your preferred position. Uncle Flashy here from The Pulpit to fill you in , so to speak

The state of news reporting in 2014 , with its clever mix of social media and moronic presenters, was on full display this week with the images of a couple of over soaked tarts going postal on a bus. It led the news bulletins, it took up space on front pages. It enthralled the Block/MKR/Voice/Paint Drying brigade out there who were still suffering from post Corby withdrawal. (If only Mr Corby had also withdrawn eh, but that is another story.). It was actually a sad story in many ways and there was so much wrong with what happened it is hard to know where to start. So I wont except to say one thing – something has to change whereby with similar incidents in future (which are sure to happen now) the bus has to stop and offenders removed. Do we need bus marshals like on planes? Sad state of affairs. Almost as sad as the over reporting of it for its sheer titillation value for the great unwashed

Of course as soon as headlines come on I know it is time to switch over to The Daily Show – which sadly should be called something like the 4/7 daily show. Still with Colbert as faithful back up always enough biting satire to watch – and then once a week go full hog with Bill Maher. But me like me drama and while many were creaming their jeans with return of Hannibal et al I went searching , as often do, a bit further a field. Across the pond even. Now devoted followers know of my liking for some Brit Drama, even with a touch of Irish Brogue thrown in – but not too much. So finished Season 4 of the always excellent Love/Hate and now eagerly await Season 5 in the fullness of time – which I apparently have plenty of. I did not bother checking webby thing as for some reason thought Line of Duty Season 2 was a 3 parter so when 3 were available started watching. Now this quality drama folks, not that many of you convicts bother with UK shows and I was somewhat transfixed by the shenanigans but as episode 3 started drawing to a close I thought well things are going to have to speed up. Well actually no ya clown, there are more than 3 episodes! Now I have to wait another 5 days for next installment. At my age that means I need a quick synopsis of the first 3 episodes an hour before hand. That could be an untapped avenue of employment for me actually. Write short recaps for previous episodes for the older folk out there who have trouble remembering what happened yesterday.

Anyway Line of Duty was coming back on so was keen to sit down and watch the second season………. oops. It happened again

So while I wait may just have to contend myself with watching us belt some Saffers around for 5 days. There is something slightly imperfect about a game where the flip of a coin can make such a difference to outcome – but hey when it comes down your way, enjoy. Warner is still a mixed bag but effective most of the time. Doolan looks good technically but needs to be a tad more dynamic at 3 and Smith continues to shine. No doubt having Uncle Shane wiping his box for him has got Pup back on track. Forget paint ball bruises, we all know they were Pups hickeys all over the Warne bodice.

So another week passes and no rain. If I am taking over your job on Sundays Sonny you better start delivering some of the liquid stuff. Or else I am keeping all of the plate takings for myself.

And get a better wine next time too eh. A nice Grange will do.

So, another year has passed and another year older. Noticed another 6 grey hairs this morning. Sadly they were growing out of my ears!

Has been a lovely few days. First up was a long weekend at Surfers Paradise staying at Sun City Mantra. My mantra these days is I hate people around me basically. Luckily we were on 18 th floor in a great 2 bed room apartment. Great views and not too many close by although sounded like a pack of rats were released in unit above about 6 pm every night for 2 hours. Very much family orientated place with pools and slides. Not often I say this but luckily the weather was pretty bad so not a lot of great unwashed to contend with. Plenty of time for the outdoor spa etc on first two cloudy, windy days @ NOSunCity. Last day the sun came out as did the hordes but still managed to get burnt lazing about the pool. Now I had had my fill of hot chlorine the first two days but somehow the ignorance of the group of assholes who sat in the spa for 6 hours with an esky nearby just annoyed me. Also treated to a lovely massage and head scratch for an hour on Saturday. In a dark room. With pan flutes. If I had not already had my Nanna nap that day I may well have drifted off. I do make it a rule generally though to stay awake when naked in a room with a strange woman. Just in case.

So Bday arrived and off to Brisvegas for the night at Mantra Southbank. So your basic hotel suite with a bed and not much else on 3 rd floor, remembering of course first two floors are not used. Now I must say the soundproofing in these rooms was superb. Could hardly hear CLP whining when I ” accidentally” locked her out. At least not for first two hours anyway. Met up with BC 2 at Ole Spanish Tapas bar just across the road. He is now inked up so there was a regular police presence ! The food was superb, especially the slow cooked lamb. Darool Darool. Spanish beer was ok too so look out Barcelona around October ! Even got dragged along to some Stuffed Animal exhibit – CLP s attempt at humour no doubt- at GOMA which was very good. The main call of Brisvegas though is dinner tonight at Stokehouse. CLP has pampered me indeed.

The best part is still to come though. Tomorrow I get to drop CLP off at work and laugh! Then on to Beachmere to see daughters x2 and Handsome Harry. Even Gpipes may pop in. Jas is with child and now knows the sex but that is for her to tell folk. Either way it is Grandchild 5 which means I must be old I guess. Maybe just lucky.

At this rate I should be able to retire any year now.

Monday Moaning has had its time. Most things never change so they are old news. Somethings u simply change yourself – eg dont even bother with Maccas Drive Through at Gimpland. Stop, get out and get a better coffee anyway. And get some exercise

So what does a Tuesday bring us? Been a big week of sport for starters

Its coming out pretty well for Starc and he should just stick to Twenty Twenty cricket methinks. Great to see the Bear get another go and do well. Maxwell is fun but must be frustrating at times. Bailey can smash it when needed and some young guys like Lynn and Cutting show a bright future. England? Who cares really but it does demonstrate what we have always known – even the most gifted sportsmen are still human with human frailties. Factor in that most are not the sharpest tools in the box then once the slide starts its hard to stop. But damn it is fun to watch

Speaking of Poms going downhill fast how about the big wave rider over in Portugal – the first place I always think of when they say big waves. Really brave or really stupid is debatable but the guy who rides them in on the jet ski never seems to get a lot of credit – that seems rather dangerous in itself to moi

Super Bowl swamps most sports coverage and good luck to them but you will never catch me watching it in full. It is Yank excess in all its glory. Unexpected score line and a sad endpoint for Manning but thats sports folks. Some great golf too on two continents. Interesting as well with both courses on display both an oasis in the middle of desert which makes for some stunning images. The 16th hole at Phoenix of course has Yank Wank on full blast but those last 4 holes is one of the most exciting finishing stretches in golf. Stadler missed about 4 putts that should have sealed it and of course Bubba only has one way to play. Like Phil on steroids. With personality. At least Stads can look at Mum and know she never cheated on the old Walrus?

Which segues into some celebrity discussion.

Rowan Farrow? Yep he is Woodys son for sure! Did like his tweet though.

The Seinfeld “reunion” promised a lot but delivered little – but then it always was a show about nothing. And of course it should have been a Chrysler Le Baron.

Thorpie? Odd story to be found wandering around in the early am near parent’s house. Manager found out big time with his initial lame cover up. Hard for Joe Average to understand how he could slip when he had so much but then it is a disease. Not sure it is leading news item though which simply keeps the circle going

Which brings us to the sad news for the week – the passing on Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Another complex story that is hard to understand from the outside looking in. Lets just acknowledge it is a great loss to the world of acting. But nothing compared to the loss for his children

People who mow at 0700 just because it is hot. Oh, that was me . Carry on.

Easy to moan about the heat but its miserable for most. But it does lead me into my current pet hate.

Cats. But thats another story

No it is Channel Nine. Kerry would be rolling in his grave, not that he was ever big on exercise. When did Channel Nine become an extended version of The View?

I use to watch The Today Show in the morning before work back when I had a job. You know, before Federation. Quick news and sport update from night before. Never riveting stuff but mildly informative. Now its about the “media stars” and any actual news is incidental if it does not involve a Channel Nine star, show or sport being televised . Ok scrap it – I am master of my remote – and just watch the “National Nine News Qld Edition at 6 pm” – just before bed. I blame the letter “Y”. We have Lofty passing over to Wally passing over to Gary. And this is the A Team – heaven help us when the Xmas crew comes in. The current sports presenter “Tom” looks like he just walked of the set of Frontline – he can not be serious. He must practice that fake smile in front of the mirror every morning for hours. And it is the Brisbane news anyway so when Clown 1 says to Clown 2 ” nice bit of rain today” it means SFA to us in Maryhole where the last rain was when the Poms won a cricket match. Which brings us to the cricket coverage. Poor Kerry

The Pathetic Pinnacle was the pre game lead in yesterday where we had the Pink Prancing clowns trying to display how difficult it was to see whether a ball actually carried into the glove. In this age of technology the set up was hidden by a piece of paper. It was hopeless and sadly reflective of the vaudeville nonsense that passes for sport commentary these days where once again it is more important to show the “personality” of a goose like Slats. Now the Pink Test is a wonderful innovation and all praise to it and the way everyone supports it including pink blazers. No problem, although noted with interest that Chapelli did not wear one. But it only lasted 3 days. Cricket administrators are tearing their hair out at the lost revenue through the gates. Simple solution. When the Pink Test finishes in three days due to the incompetence of the touring side, the Brown Test swings into action. This is in support of Prostate Cancer and is held in Alice Springs against the Indigenous Invitational 11. Send the Poms back there for a couple more days and see how much better they play. Instead of $1000 for every six there would be $1000 every time the Umpire has to put his finger up. Only fitting really. There would be a lot of declarations and would be a quick match. You know it makes sense

And to finish on a local issue. Woolies finally reopened and it seems fine and dandy. Not so sure about the carousel plastic bag set up though – very easy to walk away and leave one behind. Then one would be pissed off. Its bad enough to have to mingle with the great unwashed once a week – but to have to go back? Doesnt bear thinking about. After all I need to get home quickly

Mornings with Kerri Ann is coming on.

Gone too early? Nah, strike while the iron, and weather , is hot!

1. Stop bagging weather forecasters. Accept they are ill informed, overpaid, arrogant clowns and move on with life

2. Better get a life then I guess

3. Become a Pilates Powerhouse to strengthen and support lower back

4. If 3 succeeds then shave 2 -3 shots of golf handicap. And back

5. See a new release movie in an actual cinema

6. Lower fluid intake but increase alcohol % for same overall impact

7. Play less Candy Crush and more Throne Rush

8. Ride Suze a lot more. Suze is a motorbike in case u r confused.

9. Continue to see more of the world and then amuse rest of world with wonderful story telling and pictures

10.Get 3 followers on Twitter. But not Warnie!