Archive for March, 2014

Media Watching

Posted: March 20, 2014 in TV

There is some scary shit out there. Not talking about the news per se but rather the reporting of it.

Devoted followers would know I stopped watching nightly news when they switched to the puffed up hour long bulletin of fluff. I stopped watching morning “news” shows years ago when clowns like Kochie and “thank you Karl” became celebrities for some unknown reason. Luckily this meant I missed all of the Corby nonsense and it would appear now I have missed some insensitive reporting of the Malaysian Airlines saga. In USA the feeding frenzy for theories is startling with the low point surely being the overlaying of Flight 370 over an old poster for TV show Lost. !I use to be one of those that complained but kept watching. But no more. Switch it off people. The sad fact is that if there is one thing that the slew , and amazing ratings, of reality shows has told us is that the general IQ of the great unwashed is closer to Alex Doolans test average than The Don’s.

I try to leave politics out of most discussions. I am a swinging voter generally with a strong history of Labor support but we are talking back in the Hawke/Keating era. I would never vote for Abbott of course as he is a dangerous buffoon but that should not let an under performing Labor party, for many years, get away with it. I grew up in Joh’s Queensland and while the gerrymander was a significant fact it tended to overshadow an inept opposition. So what has this got to do with media? I now watch a lot of Daily Show et al which has a strong anti-conservative bent but when you listen to the Republicans at times you can understand why. Scary shit indeed. But dealt with humour. See I can take blatant bias if it is with humour. Fox news in USA is so biased though but straight faced too! They actually believe the crap they say – as do many Yanks. In Aussie land the ABC is often accused of bias but they are amateurs compared to Fox – and also to many Aussie commentators. Have you ever listened to The Parrot on his perch – or his love child Bolts Hadlee? Pathetic biased reporting which luckily can be switched of. Mad as Hell is an Aussie version of Daily Show which is not quite as good of course as it doesnt have the raw material to work with that Stewart has. But we do have Media Watch – from that commie ABC organisation. The recent story about an edited “letter to the editor” by The Australian was simply appalling. And the insertion of an ACA camera crew and moronic reporter into a Qld Police operation is mind boggling at best and deliberating misleading at worst.

I liked my News with that druggie Mike Higgins reading it and a bimbo at the end leaning over a weather map with a big pointer. When these days the weather presenter appears as the brains of the outfit then you see the problem. I have watched crap TV in my day – Number 96 Hello?? To be fair back then we didnt have many options. That is my story and I am sticking to it. Sadly it is not just the news. Back then we had Rod Gallegos and Grandstand on a Sunday afternoon. Now we have that goose Vautin or clown Johns running a footy talk show with about 3 mins of actual football in it. The BACK PAGE use to have actual sports commentators on – plus Billy B for humour. Now they have some ex player who thinks he is a laff riot. Luckily there are still shows like NRL 360 to watch to get some actual sports news.

So to get actual news these days – of the unfiltered variety – you need to go online and try and find a non Murdoch publication. The Aussie Guardian seems about the best at present.

This puts me in the perfect position in the morning to do all the important things in life. Sit down to the puter. Get my news, have a coffee, play Throne Rush……..

Well something had to replace Number 96 right?

Sunday Sports Wrap

Posted: March 8, 2014 in Sport

Lets kick off with two golf tournaments from last weekend. First up we had the Splits playing a Singapore Sling and the Funnel had it under control – right up until the last hole. She would have made Sharkie proud with her brain fade on the first playoff hole and this was luckily overshadowed by the miraculous eagle putt by Cream my Jeans a hole later. Then we had the potato farmer Rory play a superb second to the last hole at the Honda Classic, after an earlier collapse, with all that remained was a glory filled 12 footer for eagle and win . He missed. Same hole for playoff, similar position for second shot but went through green and a lousy chip later and all over red rover. The Bear trap claimed another victim. This weekend looks like another pearler on Trumps Blue Monster (as opposed to the red monster which is his wig). Another tough course, another great finish coming no doubt. Tiger may actually be in contention so will probably have to check later in the day to see who actually won given the cameras wont leave the striped one all day.

Then we had the Gentleman’s game of cricket. Yep I almost gagged on that one too. Pup’s agent told him, look mate everyone including me hates you. Get some mongrel in the young dog. I know tell some hated Pom(a Melbourne Cup field admittedly) that you will break their fucken arm or something. Hey it worked, your approval rating soared to double digits just below Rose Corby. More work needed – abuse some Saffers when you already have your foot on their throat. Ca ching Ca ching. Make sure you get The Ghost Who Porks – yep Warnie – to come over for the last test too so the cameras have something to focus on during the slow periods. As to the actual cricket? Warner batted very well but simply needs to shut the fuck up. Smith looks like the kid who would get a regular beating in school yard every lunch time but emerged as the true rising star. Great on Rhino for sealing the deal and even when Mitch doesnt get wickets he still bowls sensibly. Doolan looks good technically but needs a dynamic injection if batting number 3. Sadly all the good stuff is over shadowed by simply appalling on field behaviour.

Then we have the NRL kick off. Rabbits look world beaters but then it is only the start of the season – been there done that. GI looks massive and the players just seem bigger and faster each year. Until you get to the next game with the Broncs and Bulldogs. If Barba stays fit the Broncs can make the 8 but it wont matter much at end of season except Hook probably keeps his job. Looks like 4-6 sides in contention and daylight second. Hoffman is not five-eighth but is a great player and has to be somewhere. Vidot looks the goods but they need a kicker and Hunt is not it at present. Broncs hang tough but lack the wow factor – Hodges will help but they need to sell something and get a quality half back for 2015. Maybe Locky’s voice box up on Ebay? Maybe Matthew Johns contract. Fair dinkum that guy is trotted out on 17 shows a week. He just isnt that funny anymore. Of course the only sad news about return of NRL is reappearance of that cockhead Waterhouse in my life and the constant yabbering about bets. Which is only slightly worse than Rabbits giving us his expert view on how great a show Fat Tony is. Lordy Lordy, stick to footy fellas.

There was probably other sport but there is only 24 hrs in a day and I need my beauty sleep. If I look this good on 6 hrs sleep a night imagine what 7 or 8 could do??

Luckily dont have the sound of rain on roof to keep me awake

Not since 03 anyway.

She who will remain nameless thought the idea of travelling to NYC in February 2015 was rather poorly thought out. The argument has gained support of late with persistent snow and generally poor weather in the city that never sleeps but apparently sleets a shitload at this time of the year. Now I have seen NYC in all its autumn glory so the weather was part of the attraction although did expect it to start to pick up by now. In the background though there has been an ASIO approved Black Ops being planned. And that op is to track down my Tina whilst wandering/stalking the streets. To this end two significant events occurred in recent weeks both involving Jimmy Fallon strangely enough. He has a certain charm I guess but is no Johnny Carson.

The fist was his first night on the Tonight Show since its return to NYC and one of his surprise guests was Ms Fey. Ergo she spends February in NYC. Then lo and behold last night she was back on in all her full glory just being Tina . Ergo she spends March in NYC. Couple of other little titbits (giggle giggle). She “dropped the kid off at school”. (She has a 2 and 8 yr old) Ok should not be too hard to track down which school she goes to. Rather cleverly I had already avoided all known school holidays. And St Patricks Day – but that is another story.

Now any stalker worth his salt would know that Tina was born in Upper Darby PA. The second city for USA 2015 was already firming as Philadelphia so this bit of info was kinda the icing (ok snow!!)on the cake. Of particular interest though is that a certain Upper Darby speciality is Pica Pizza. Luke Cunningham is a writer on Tonight show. In a recent interview with Philly Mag Cunningham stated me that he once bonded with fellow Upper Darbian Tina Fey over Pica’s delicious rectangular pizza.

Here’s what Cunningham had to say:

Yeah, when I did that bit for Tina Fey, I talked to her about the pizza at Pica’s. She said, “My daughter was just there for her birthday.” Tina is going to be on the show on March 3rd

Cue video

Pica Pizza

So taking a cue from Ellen a plan is forming involving dressing as a Pica Pizza delivery guy outside the little brats school around drop off time. Ok, its still in planning stages admittedly. As the weeks turn into months some fine tuning will set this baby up. Of course her home address is the other option but a bit obvious. Still a good fallback I guess but will keep that location to myself at this stage. In the meantime lets sit back and enjoy her next movie. If there was one thing that may have upped the desirabilty factor for TF it was always going to be a Russian accent. Darool Darool. Ok I may have to watch this one in the privacy of my own home.

Yeah, not kidding anyone I guess

Oscars 2014

Posted: March 3, 2014 in Movies

Two words come to mind. Dull and Wooden. Golden Globes is always a much more entertaining show, helped in no small part by my Tina.

Ellen was ok but tends to have more misses that hits. In fact her highlight was probably her comment about 12 years winning or not. She is best as an ad libber so did some good stuff in the walk arounds but give me Billy Crystal any day. Hell, dig up Bob Hope for that matter. Speaking of the walking dead, Kim Novak was a tad sorry to see. At least Sidney Poiter still has grace and dignity even if has trouble reading etc. Of course the continually surprising and gracious A. Jolie helped him along well. Angela Lansbury on the other hand looks about 65.

Best speech was from the supporting actress winner – sheer joy and excitement but also a sense of the occasion and significance. Steve McQueen on the other hand gave a shocker apart from the memorable line – Everyone deserves not just to survive, but to live. This is the most important legacy of Solomon Northup. The other notable speech for me from that gaggle was the adapted screenplay guy – thought it was odd though that he did not embrace McQueen let alone acknowledge him on way up to stage? Our Cate of course was all class as always. Bill Murray was the pick of the presenters. Not a class field mind you

MM on the other hand was in full on mode. Have yet to see Dallas Buyers Club because when I realised it was not about Debbie and cheerleaders it quickly fell to bottom of must see pack. By all accounts he is very good in it. He is very good in True Dick too but still cant take to the guy – much like the Goose Gosling. These Jimmy Dean wannabes just dont twirl my moustache sadly. But I was happy for him . Until he had to go and mention Old Whiskers straight of the bat.

Gravity cleaned up Technical awards as expected and of course gave us a chance to see Sandy float around weightless in panties again. Nice to see a couple of Aussie wins with Great Gatsby – if anyone cares about that stuff. None of the big movie winners engaged me much this year. My pick for best movie was Her – fresh and new. It would never win best picture of course which kinda brings me to the other great quote of the night – from our Cate. “As random and subjective as this award is, it means a great deal” Also enabled her to show her support for Woody again too.

So another year passes and now we have to wait another 9 months. What is that you say – dont you mean 12 months you old fool? Nope. Because as we all know there is only one significant event attached to the presentation of old Golden Boy. And that occurs about 3 months before hand.

Aye matey ye be right again aaarrrggghhhh me hearties.

SCREENERS! Long may they rain down upon us .

Sunday Sermon

Posted: March 1, 2014 in Midlife Crisis in Maryhole

You can get up off you knees folks – unless that is your preferred position. Uncle Flashy here from The Pulpit to fill you in , so to speak

The state of news reporting in 2014 , with its clever mix of social media and moronic presenters, was on full display this week with the images of a couple of over soaked tarts going postal on a bus. It led the news bulletins, it took up space on front pages. It enthralled the Block/MKR/Voice/Paint Drying brigade out there who were still suffering from post Corby withdrawal. (If only Mr Corby had also withdrawn eh, but that is another story.). It was actually a sad story in many ways and there was so much wrong with what happened it is hard to know where to start. So I wont except to say one thing – something has to change whereby with similar incidents in future (which are sure to happen now) the bus has to stop and offenders removed. Do we need bus marshals like on planes? Sad state of affairs. Almost as sad as the over reporting of it for its sheer titillation value for the great unwashed

Of course as soon as headlines come on I know it is time to switch over to The Daily Show – which sadly should be called something like the 4/7 daily show. Still with Colbert as faithful back up always enough biting satire to watch – and then once a week go full hog with Bill Maher. But me like me drama and while many were creaming their jeans with return of Hannibal et al I went searching , as often do, a bit further a field. Across the pond even. Now devoted followers know of my liking for some Brit Drama, even with a touch of Irish Brogue thrown in – but not too much. So finished Season 4 of the always excellent Love/Hate and now eagerly await Season 5 in the fullness of time – which I apparently have plenty of. I did not bother checking webby thing as for some reason thought Line of Duty Season 2 was a 3 parter so when 3 were available started watching. Now this quality drama folks, not that many of you convicts bother with UK shows and I was somewhat transfixed by the shenanigans but as episode 3 started drawing to a close I thought well things are going to have to speed up. Well actually no ya clown, there are more than 3 episodes! Now I have to wait another 5 days for next installment. At my age that means I need a quick synopsis of the first 3 episodes an hour before hand. That could be an untapped avenue of employment for me actually. Write short recaps for previous episodes for the older folk out there who have trouble remembering what happened yesterday.

Anyway Line of Duty was coming back on so was keen to sit down and watch the second season………. oops. It happened again

So while I wait may just have to contend myself with watching us belt some Saffers around for 5 days. There is something slightly imperfect about a game where the flip of a coin can make such a difference to outcome – but hey when it comes down your way, enjoy. Warner is still a mixed bag but effective most of the time. Doolan looks good technically but needs to be a tad more dynamic at 3 and Smith continues to shine. No doubt having Uncle Shane wiping his box for him has got Pup back on track. Forget paint ball bruises, we all know they were Pups hickeys all over the Warne bodice.

So another week passes and no rain. If I am taking over your job on Sundays Sonny you better start delivering some of the liquid stuff. Or else I am keeping all of the plate takings for myself.

And get a better wine next time too eh. A nice Grange will do.