flashman181

Two words come to mind. Dull and Wooden. Golden Globes is always a much more entertaining show, helped in no small part by my Tina.

Ellen was ok but tends to have more misses that hits. In fact her highlight was probably her comment about 12 years winning or not. She is best as an ad libber so did some good stuff in the walk arounds but give me Billy Crystal any day. Hell, dig up Bob Hope for that matter. Speaking of the walking dead, Kim Novak was a tad sorry to see. At least Sidney Poiter still has grace and dignity even if has trouble reading etc. Of course the continually surprising and gracious A. Jolie helped him along well. Angela Lansbury on the other hand looks about 65.

Best speech was from the supporting actress winner – sheer joy and excitement but also a sense of the occasion and significance. Steve McQueen on the other hand gave a shocker apart from the memorable line – Everyone deserves not just to survive, but to live. This is the most important legacy of Solomon Northup. The other notable speech for me from that gaggle was the adapted screenplay guy – thought it was odd though that he did not embrace McQueen let alone acknowledge him on way up to stage? Our Cate of course was all class as always. Bill Murray was the pick of the presenters. Not a class field mind you

MM on the other hand was in full on mode. Have yet to see Dallas Buyers Club because when I realised it was not about Debbie and cheerleaders it quickly fell to bottom of must see pack. By all accounts he is very good in it. He is very good in True Dick too but still cant take to the guy – much like the Goose Gosling. These Jimmy Dean wannabes just dont twirl my moustache sadly. But I was happy for him . Until he had to go and mention Old Whiskers straight of the bat.

Gravity cleaned up Technical awards as expected and of course gave us a chance to see Sandy float around weightless in panties again. Nice to see a couple of Aussie wins with Great Gatsby – if anyone cares about that stuff. None of the big movie winners engaged me much this year. My pick for best movie was Her – fresh and new. It would never win best picture of course which kinda brings me to the other great quote of the night – from our Cate. “As random and subjective as this award is, it means a great deal” Also enabled her to show her support for Woody again too.

So another year passes and now we have to wait another 9 months. What is that you say – dont you mean 12 months you old fool? Nope. Because as we all know there is only one significant event attached to the presentation of old Golden Boy. And that occurs about 3 months before hand.

Aye matey ye be right again aaarrrggghhhh me hearties.

SCREENERS! Long may they rain down upon us .

Devoted followers would be aware of my general aversion to attending any gathering of the great unwashed involving more than 2 people. As such trips to the cinema are very rare and exclusively limited to Gold Class sessions. Now in this particular instance there was a $100 voucher from GC2 used and CLP picked up the food and drink tab so it was cost neutral for moi but we are still talking about an event running close to 200 large in expenditure and that is the figure central to this discussion.

Now the voucher was a 2012 Xmas present so it has taken 6 months just to get to even GC. The movies of choice were either Man of Steel or Heat – an apparent easy choice but maybe not in hindsight. So we went for MOS – and it was rubbish. CGI destruction fest with a wandering story. When the scenes involving Costner are the highlight of a movie you know there are some issues. I am a child of the 60/70’s and I like me Supes with a secret identity and Lois Lane a virgin. Of course the actual movie is of limited significance in this discussion

So it didnt start well when we turned up at midday expecting a 12:30 session only to realise it was actually a 13:10 session. Still this is why God invented alcohol and the time passed relatively quickly. GC afficionados would know that you pre order food and drink – at elevated prices – to be served during the movie while you are luxuriating in your recliner chair. So we chose the Carnival Platter – also known as Heart Attack in Batter – priced at $55 to come out in first 30 minutes of movie along with a Corona and a glass of bubbles and then requested a Devonshire tea type thingy for the last half hour of the movie – or in this case 14:30. Now these tickets cost a total of $85 (with booking fee!) as it was a weekend. Now this is pricey but does tend to keep your bogans at bay so even in a crowded cinema no crowd control is generally required. The previews started, a couple of ads and then the movie began. Within 5 minutes we had our drinks. Tick! It then took another 25 minutes for the actual hot food – as in “nice to have with a cold drink” – to come out! Ok, no big drama as the sensory attack emanating from the screen was generally controlling my existence at present. So a Wagu beef burger, some onion rings and a few buffalo wings ( Note: – if buffalos have wings why cant they fly?) and we were rocking along and spreading our feast over a suitable time period while Gladiator suddenly reappeared despite being dead right? Anyway with still a few delectables left to munch on – our Tea and Coffee turns up! WTF. Supes hasnt even planted one on LL yet. Suffice to say some of our $55 platter went to waste. The good news though is that MOS finally ended and there was still one building in the far distance left standing. Probably a MacDonalds.

So there was a bad taste in our mouths for more reasons than one. However there are lessons to be learnt and while this session may have got a fail, GC in general is still a great concept for the anti-social movie lovers that walk amongst us. Just keep a couple of tips in mind

1. Dont go on weekends – prices drop down to $25 on Tuesday

2. Avoid fatty fried food. A glass of wine and a cheese platter is sufficient for War and Peace

3. Dont try for multiple feeding sessions. Just pick one time for everything to come out and stick to it

4. Avoid Zach Snyder CGI fests

EDIT – THE GREAT Tina Fey (my Tina)

The Good

Tina and Amy. Nowhere near enough of them but what was there was worked well 95% of the time. Tina’s dress up was fun

Ferrell and Wiig – Hilarious segment.

Clinton – shows the high paid actors/actresses how a well paid Politician speaks easily and naturally. Better still led into Amy’s best line of the night

Game Change Love – great show

Jodie Fosters acceptance speech

Jennifer Lawrence – great win for a great actress in a great movie

Django wins – good win for QT followed by good speech

Ann Hathaway – only thing more certain than the weather bureau fucking up yet another forecast is her Oscar win. If only she came as Catwoman, Tina could have some opposition

Kevin Costner – one of the better speeches, no idea if he deserved the win though

Adele winning – clear winner, clear Pommy twang

At least Modern Family and Big Boring Bang did not win a thing

Borat – always a mixed bag but nailed Rusty to the mast

The Bad

Plunging necklines replaced by the two fried egg look?

Lena Durham – get a bloody dress that stays up and you can walk > 1km/day in for fucks sake. Get some decent Tats now. Dont get The Girls love sorry

Hugh Jackman – you love your wife. We get it. You could screw anyone in the room (except Jodie Foster) but you chose Debbie. Fine – just shut up about it purleese.

Ben Affleck – great guy, great talent but for some reason chose to speak at 300 words/min and then forgot Clooney. Then got wife to thank him

Homeland Love – it was a pretty weak/frustrating season folks. If you dont want BB again fair enough but Boardwalk pissed all over Homeland this season

Silver Linings being stuck in Comedy/Musical?

Julianne Moore – great actress, great role but looked like a horse on helium giving her speech

Maggie Smith winning anything for playing herself. Weak field admittedly

The CIA guy for Argo – genuine hero, not a public speaker

Mel Gibson – why was he there exactly?

Tommy Lee Jones

Tommy Lee Jones

Being a reduntiree I actually watched an awards show live for about the first time ever and this was a pretty enjoyable, tightly run 3 hrs helmed by my favorite lady and her BFF