Archive for January, 2016

ABD – The Preamble

Posted: January 14, 2016 in Travel

Acronyms rule baby. When I was a youngun the first thing we did , after washing our slate in the morning, was learn our ABDs. Yes the letter C was banned due to the possibility of its usage in the naughty word. Catholic. Simple but fun times. Then Whitey and his Less Hairy Simian mates sung a tune and the world changed

But I digress as is my want. ABD does of course refer to Adventure Before Dementia which is my Creed (Yo Rocky) for my trip to USA next month. Yes , now only a month away. The plan was to retrace JFKs backwards but saying KFJ just kept making me hungry for some reason. In a week when you certainly dont want to be 69 it can also be said that applies to the conversion rate for the Aussie $ to the US Greenstuff given now is the week the US accommodations want the final payments. Ouch! It really is a case of bent over the bonnet with chili on the stick . One’s eyes do water. What can u do though eh when u need to plan holidays up to 12 months in advance and hope for the best ? So, given that Jackie gave the Dallas Uber driver a really bad review we must start there

Ah Texas, the land of “Open Carry”. I am hoping like hell it means the cowgirl takes the top of your beer before bringing to your hay bale but I fear it has something more to do with the point and shoot variety of accessory. A few days in Dallas to kick off as Qantas do fly straight in from Sydney and thus avoid the need for that dreaded LAX transfer. A Segway is planned, always a great way to get the lay of the land in a new city. A trip to 6th Floor Museum and a general inspection for shell casings around the grassy knoll are on the agenda along with a day trip to Fort Worth to actually see some cattle roaming down the middle of the street. You know like Kangaroos do here. The weather should be pleasant for Texas with no real winter to speak of and seem to have my head around the transport system there referred to as DART. Of course whenever I think of Dart my mind does wander to weather forecasting so should be prepared for anything and the buses going the wrong way etc

Then it is on to Washington with American Airlines Fokker or similar. A week up near the Capitol area should be very pleasant and a bit cooler. Easy walking town and though have been there before have a few new sites lines up including Foggy Bottom. If its anything like Foggy Head should be a hoot and easily forgotten the next day. Do have a White House Tour request in which basically involves a long drawn out process, a promised kidney donation if needed and a lot of luck. If my luck holds I could well be sitting on Michelle’s lap for my 58th birthday. Our Union could be in some State eh. With my luck I will probably get run over by bloody Seinfeld and his Corvette. A few watering holes have been penciled in just for a change and a detailed public transport odyssey outlined to see the famous Exorcist Steps in Georgetown. A day trip to Baltimore is also on the cards just for something different and to see Babe Ruths birthplace etc

Finally it is on to Boston where a lot of it started for JFK. Once again have been here briefly before and walked the Freedom Trail yada yada yada. Different weather this time with the general forecast not all that Flash for Boston in March. Still anything beats Feb/March in QLD! A day trip to Salem planned to catch up with some old bosses and once again a fairly easy walking town, weather permitting. One thing u do find at this time of year is many tours close especially any involving the harbour. Plenty of TV/Movie sites to check out and of course the original Cheers pub . Mind you I just tend to walk into any pub , grab a beer and say Cheers mate.

Then it is a train to NYC for one night just to make the travel home more relaxed. Mind you one night’s accommodation in NYC could probably feed an African family for a year but as JFK would say “Ask not how much is the room, but is breakfast included” ? Maybe lost something in the translation. One of his quotes does seem rather appropriate though

Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.

I assume he is referring to underwear but I also think there is something in there about looking forward and going with the flow. Its an uncertain world these days and if your number is up so be it. Obviously it wasnt for last weeks Powerball or I could well be staying at The White House next month!

Those Golden Globe Years

Posted: January 11, 2016 in Uncategorized

No worse sign of ageing then when your heroes start passing away. Childhood heroes may be expected but those that impacted in more formative years cast a greater shadow with their loss. Celebrity deaths are odd of course because they USUALLY generate way too much comment then is EVER NEEDED. When Fred Smith who was the key grip on My Fair Lady passes away at 103 this is not noteworthy folks. I imagine he was finally glad to get out of here. And of course every death is sad to those close such as with the recent family tragedies down south or the one punch fatality in Brisbane recently. Then there are those moments in time when the looming question is where were you when JFK was shot or Elvis died. The one for me was John Lennon. I was in an elevator in the State Health Building in George Street , Brisbane when got the news. Not a particularly memorable location but still beats what I was doing when I got the Bowie news. Watching the Golden Globes. To be precise watching Katy Perry’s golden globes in what was one of many ironic moments really. Todays version of a pop star presenting an award to one of the most overrated clowns doing the rounds these days for a truly abysmal song. On a night when the lights dazzled brightly on largely overpaid “stars” with mostly limited talent the world grew a little dimmer with the passing of a true icon. Since that time have struggled to understand fully why this particular death impacted so much. It was of course a total surprise but I think it has something to do with the fact that many males of my vintage would have gone through a period of wanting to be like Bowie because he was simply the coolest dude around. He was uber cool (is that even a phrase anymore or did I just order a taxi ?)Then you layer on top his extreme and multi dimensional talent and you get a sense of the loss. Its a different world now to when Lennon passed and of course we are saturated with social media banality and the curse of the twitter eulogy. There are some worthy ones out there from those you admire like Alice Cooper but it doesnt take long for humour to kick back in and this one bought a smile


But lets return to a very one dimensional talent, that being the host of GG 2016, one Gervais, R. Like many I imagine I fell under his spell when he first appeared on our screens, or actually a bit later than The Office to be fair. His stand up shows and Extras were the highlight for me but then he became a celebrity and you realised that his skill set was limited. Basically he became an insult comic. He was edgy and good for headlines but that act wears pretty thin pretty quick. That little laugh of his starts to grate. It is probably easier to list the highlights of the show – or at least what I watched of it – but really there was only one. A visual gag, plain and simple


Downlights abounded as they usually do but the couple that stand out were the hideous bear gag with Jonah Hill at the start and Amy S dropping the C bomb for no real reason given her natural talent. Maybe to take some glare away from her BFF JLaw? Yeah we get it, you are now besties. Crudity , while it has its place, is usually a sign of an empty mind to moi and we all know Amy is far from that. Some surprise winners as often the case with GGs and the Leo circus rolls on now. Award shows also occasionally expose some well known people as real dullards and todays winner was Ridley Scott. Award show season does release screeners to the world but one has to wonder these days if even that can justify their existence anymore ?

One mostly blows past most of the “posts” on social media at these times when everyone wants to be heard but am glad I read this one from a Facebook friend (you know who you are). It encapsulates very well my feelings at present

I think the sad realisation I’m coming to is that I am now the adult, and the adults I admired in my youth are ending their journey. I suppose the sad part is not some trite revelation about the unfaltering forward march of time and my own inevitable death, but the simple fact that, by the time I near my end, the world will seem dim and there will be no heroes left. I’m not sure I’m prepared for that.

Which only leaves me to say of Mr Bowie. “Thank you for these many Golden Years”

Monday Musoanings

Posted: January 4, 2016 in Midlife Crisis in Maryhole

Hey if reduntiree is a word so is musoanings. Look it up. It was going to be musings abut then realised a lot of moaning may creep in and not the good kind. Spookily it also describes my general feeling when CLP suggests we visit another museum on holidays. Its been a while so grab a cuppa and sit back as it is time to review some of my pet peeves and see if 2016 looks any brighter

Um no.

News. Spending time with CLP does involve watching the nightly news but its a fair trade off I guess 🙂 My loathing of the fluff that passes for News bulletins is well known amongst the devoted and if anything it is only worse in 2016. The most annoying aspect of course is the continual “later in the bulletin” click baiting that occurs all the time. This of course includes that old favourite waste of time – the weather. They cross to the weather girl/weekend news anchor at least 4 times during the bulletin without actually telling you what the weather will be tomorrow but instead tell you what the weather was today and then tease a little about the future while waiting for the darts to get reshafted at the Endeavour foundation. News flash clowns – I know what the weather was like today, I fucking lived it! Extending this moronic theme even further they even had an early report from the “Pink Test” cricket last night in first segment where they mentioned our spinners did well without ever once giving a bloody score! Ane then the cream de crap – the constantly running nine news promo during every second ad break with the clear highlight being the sheila running with mic in hand and hair bouncing but face never moving. I tell ya I was transported back to the start of The Six Million Dollar Man slow mo clips – only Majors had slightly less chin stubble and more animated acting skills. CLP is a sweet sweet lady but this News thing is on the table kiddo

Weather. The thing that continues to amuse and of course annoy is that during most news bulletins there could well be a story highlighting a new invention or a cure for cancer with the general theme being how technology and intelligence has improved these days. Then we get to the science of weather. 1950 called and they want their string back. What is clearly a sign of early onset Alzheimers is that I actually planned my day today around the fact they were predicting rain! Just what a minute while I pull down the shade – that sun is blinding me . Ok thats better. So the rain?? Ah yes, tomorrow for sure and up to 100 ml. Get the SPF 30 ready folks. The only thing worse than the weekly weather is the weekend report where they get to fuck up the surf report as well. Talk about your daily double. Our current fave forecast is “70% chance of rain and there will be 30 mm”. That is a fair amount of rain that could fall – or 30% chance of absolutely zero. It boggles the mind really

Sports Reporting. Well of course we had some Hayne Hysteria again because he ran 11 yds and didnt fall over. I actually think Haynso has handled it all very well – but then again if he wasnt there he would be stuck at Parramatta so even carrying the Gatorade has to look good at present. The Windies are duds as expected which sadly means the buffoons in the commentary team have to fill in with amusing anecdotes and new technology. They really take us for fools suggesting that the Widies showed some real ticker in that second test. Ah no. How about we have a cod ordinary bowling attack that will struggle to take 20 crickets in the 3 day tests we have now adopted. Imagine if we still had Starc and Johnson, fresh from several sessions on the couch with the good doctor natch, fit and raring to go. (Send the couch to Molic, A when done thanks fellas)The Big Bash is actually the best cricket to watch except for that tosser Flintoff, F. sprouting forth. Lets face it , until PGA golf starts again there is no real sport on TV

Customer Service. My financial advisor insisted I buy a wine fridge. I only say that to see if he still reads my blogs (PS If u do can I start charging people for this honour?). Anyhoo Dan Murphy had quite a good deal where you buy $200 of wine (ergo one week’s worth) and get same off a Grand Cru wine fridge. Initial fears started when discovered the actual fridge came from a third party – HOME ICON – but these were somewhat allayed when contacted within days assuring me it would be delivered the week starting Dec 13th and driver would contact day before with 2 hr delivery window. Sweet as I am a busy boy. By Thursday and no contact I rang them and left a few messages, still polite at this stage, in their mailbox. She finally contacted me next day to say I was just going to ring you and inform you of delivery issues as it is such a busy time of year. Nah Sweetheart that dont wash with me. If u sell an item at Xmas time to cash in on the fact that it is XMAS TIME eg fridge needed for friends visiting ( ok ya got me there but she didnt know that ) yada yada yada you cant then suggest you have been caught out by the time of year. She then promised me next Tue/Wed for sure. Fine I said because you realise Xmas is Friday ? Yes Sir. By Wednesday afternoon I was getting pissed off. Not only by non delivery but also complete lack of contact or response to some of my “comments” in her mailbox. Most along the line of ” you do understand the concept of a message system??” Throw in a few choice adjectives and you get the gist. Xmas passed and then I sent an email to Home ICON and got no response for two days until at 7 am of all times on NYE a quick response says it will be delivered today (NYE). Ah no it wont I aint home. Long story short it was FINALLY delivered today with one final twist in the tail. “Yeah just up these back stairs mate” “We are not allowed to take fridges up stairs” Say What! “I can help you carry it up but cant use trolley” Ok sure, with that sort of logic you should be in management pal. It wasnt that heavy which may indicate that apart from everything else its construction is not stellar. Given the temps we get in Maryhole a lot of the year I had to try something because the Ben Ean was starting to taste a bit fruity

Movies. Not So Secret Santa forked over 2 Gold Class tickets so time for the annual mixing with the great unwashed. Picked an early sitting to minimise numbers (8!) and saw the latest Star Wars blockbuster. Hmm. Ok did not read much before hand apart from the return of the big 3 but was a bit surprised that this was really yet another chapter in a never ending story. I have a new theory ,not involving dinosaurs, about these franchise movies. The first is always the best. The original SW was a good old boys own adventure story that stood as a lone film if necessary but was suitably enhanced by the two sequels. Then we got another 3, the second of which holds the dubious record of only movie ever walked out of a cinema for. Take your Marvel yarns – the first Iron Man was great but after that ? Captain America? Batman is maybe the only franchise that reinvented itself after the Icy Riddler nonsense and got better with Dark Knight being the standout. The beauty of first SW was there were 3 main characters with simple names. The more complex the names become the less easy to follow is the story. Of course they will rake in the millions. It is interesting that at same time many movie series become more complex TV shows are being dumbed down even further

Enough moaning though as this was a lovely holiday period. Time with CLP and family in very nice surroundings and rather pleasant weather has been hard to beat. And of course Adventure Before Dementia is a mere 6 weeks away. If I remember to catch that first plane. That one is the deal breaker methinks. Two things are certain – plenty of selfies with alcohol in hand and an unsatisfactory interaction with Centrelink awaits. The second actually contributes to the first

Later dudes