Archive for May, 2016

Climate Change Splimate Mange. It was only 31 degrees yesterday. Coldest Autumn on record. If you took records on top of bloody Mt Etna that is. Trumpy Von Trumpster says it is all a hoax. The hopeful sign for the Democrats is the more confident he gets the more loose his tongue gets. Start winning a few more polls against the female variety Clinton and just sit back and enjoy the show. I expect a Whitlam like approach to his VP choice and just annoint himself that and Secretary of State. Its going to be HUUUUUUGE

My TV watching schedule does not necessarily follow any discernible pattern of actual viewing times as like to save up whole seasons for binge watch. Doctors refer to it as Netflixitis but I refer to it as a more recognisable disease known as early onset Alzheimers. I forget where I read about it , naturally, but I cant follow complex shows if have to wait 7 days between installments. Hell, ad breaks in nightly news throw me. As such I only finished Bates Motel Season 4 this week and it was that old conundrum one faces of it being so good you dont want it to end but you also want to see how it does . This is no spoiler really as everyone who knows anything about the source material knows that Norma is not looking too flash in that window overlooking the hotel while Norman runs the place but with only 5 seasons slated for show Season 4 was going to end predictably. Goodbye Norma Jean you non English Rose. The acting by the two leads is simply superb albeit a bit creepy. Mind you I reckon if that pair can run a motel though so can I eh.


The Americans of course is one show I have to watch each week as too good not too. As long as remember Russkies Bad Yanks Not so Bad I seem able to follow the yarn. The great unwashed of course continue to cream their jeans (sadly adding to said unwashedness) over every single move on GOT while superb shows await. For light relief we always have Mad as Hell and great to see Rake back for a 4th season . Throw in Wentworth close on heels of Janet King and you see that Aussie TV has most bases covered really. I still like watching clips of the US tonight shows like Kimmel but have to say he really lost me with his suckage up of Depp and the whole two dog saga. Its not funny, it is simply ignorant. I am slowly warming to Amber Heard

Speaking of cockheads that get way to much media attention what is the deal with Gorden Tallis ? Yes he was a very good player but that does not make him a good commentator ( did someone say King Wally?) let alone an expert on the game. He is bloody everywhere and now this week his feud with the QT man of Rugby League is headline news. The strangest thing he said, amongst many, was that QTB made Blair captain just to piss HIM off. Ego what ???? I like my podcasts and can only wonder what an actual knowledgeable and thoughtful person like Paul Kent thinks of this idiot stuck in a booth with him for 3 hrs every Sunday afternoon. One thing that is clear now is Broncos will not make the Grand Final this year. Yes you heard it here first fans. Cowboys will and maybe Cronulla or Storm. Broncos have the worst kicking game in the competition including the Jillaroos! They get out enthused every week and the too cool for school attitude will kill them at the business end. Hunt is not a match winner and Milford should be a poster boy for Valium the way he just drifts in and out of the game. Like that little girl when he is good he is very very good but when he is bad he is zzzzzzzzzz They dont use Roberts enough and Nikorima is confused with his role

Lovely end to the week with a celebration of Harry’s 4th birthday at Rainbow Beach yesterday. Now camping is not in my DNA or even RNA which strangely only seems interested in that exhibition thing around August each year. The Pipers were descending from all angles on Inskip Point and I made the rookie mistake of arriving before they had set up. After 30 minutes I was quite happy with my erection (and who wouldnt be after all that time!) and then GPipes tells me that is just the shade cover, the tent is in those 17 bags over there! Anyhoo it was a great spot and when was able to walk down to the secluded beach and swim in simply the bluest and calmest surf I recall it was all worth it. Not to mention a couple of hugs with a couple of cuties. Well, if nubile young women are going to approach me in the water……. oh thats right that was my dream last night.I am of course referring to Harry and Brody. Its a good road down to Rainbow so will have to keep in mind for future excursions remembering of course next time there will be seaweed, bluebottles and fat Pommies in the water no doubt. You can never go back. Great week bookended by great times at Kingaroy/Toowoomba and Rainbow. A reduntiree could get used to this.

CLP sadly is still sick as a dog but her coat is glossy. Could be the “autumn weather ” of course. I never succumbed despite her best efforts so life is strange eh. Sometimes you wash your hair at night and you wake up with Bubonic Plague. And a hairy pillow.

Weekend at Bernies

Posted: May 23, 2016 in Travel

Back in my productive era, and especially in the 80s, we regularly interacted with Company Reps as they traveled the state peddling their wares. These were good times with no FBT or Drink Driving laws. Ok, one of them is a sensible law true. No work was done after 5 pm but plenty of play and so originated the best morning after diet – TCTS and a quart of strawberry milk around 10 am the next day. Of course back then, like with most things sadly, could go again the next night …….. One such rep was Bernie Cooper and so when planning a weekend touring the South Burnett Wine region with CLP were pleasantly surprised to see he and wife Judy now run a Winery and B&B. If you are going to do justice to a winery visit then I think a bed on site is a must. And a short walk downhill to such lodgings

Of course first up was a visit to the Grandsprogs and there is a smattering of them in Toowoomba. It was Jessica’s birthday last week and Pat the Lad’s this week. Caught up with D2 as well and then started the trek with a sadly sick (and getting worse) CLP as my tour guide and navigator. She was so sick that she was my Girl Friday but didnt turn up until Saturday! So ensuring she only coughed to the left we headed off to first stop Bunnyconellen where there was not a rabbit in sight. Low energy place but lovely hosts and so hooked into first wine for the day. And an olive for the protein value. Then onto Kingaroy and the Taste South Burnett store in town. Sort of a multi cellar door for those that cant be half assed to drive down a dirt road to an actual cellar door. Our host Shannon could talk under wet cement if only to highlight the year and texture of the gravel but we had a very enjoyable ploughmans lunch. Bet he was pissed off when he came back to his table and saw his lunch gone but this is the country fella. Then onto our winery and our wonderful hosts. Unpack and hook into the cellar door as you do but had to take it easy as had a special dinner (with hosts) planned that night and given our location driving would be involved. However I am a gracious guest if nothing else so when Bernie suggested we have a drink before we head out I could hardly say no. Let alone speak. So our little group of 4 shared two bottles of the local bubbles and then headed off for dinner at the rather amazing Cassis at Booie. If you ever get the chance go there, it is simply excellent fare and great value

Next morning we woke up. Surprisingly. Today was a driving tour of wineries on da loop through Moffatdale but first a visit to the Lavender Farm. Prince would have been happy and we did see the only gay in the village. And we had lavender scones for some reason. Still picking it out of my teeth but my breath is to die for. Then onto our first winery – Clovelly Estate – which despite big signs on main road saying “OPEN” it was in fact closed once you drove down obligatory dirt road. Ok, early on. Next onto Bridgeman Downs with clear sign stating “Cellar Door Open”. Sounds promising. “Ah no sir we can only sell wine with food”. What is this?? Have I passed through a wormhole and entered the fucking cheese shop sketch from Monty Python? This crap could drive me to drink. If only I could find one! They say the third is the charm and for once they were right. We went onto Dusty Springfields Winery on a Hill and had a great time at cellar door and then onto lunch at Prendergast’s Irish Tavern on site. All that was left then was complete the loop back through Wondai et al and a last stop at the Peanut Van. I naturally assumed it would be in the shape of a cashew but was sadly disappointed. Time then for a relaxing few hours back home before we ate our hot breakfast pack from that morning for dinner as you do when you have a big one the night before. BBQ on site and even had some left over for breakfast next morning before hitting the road and heading home to Flashman Inc @ Sunshine Coast

Was a lovely weekend and would highly recommend visiting the region and both staying at winery and eating at Cassis. This will become a regular weekend retreat for us methinks when time, money and liver allow. Sadly CLP did not improve over the weekend so had her put down the next day

And by down I mean tucked up in bed with butter menthols and a box of tissues. All I needed was ear plugs.

Winter is coming. Actually it has come and gone. Two cool nights were enough to suck this LBD into getting the flanno sheets and PJs out so now we have a sauna at night. Still it was glorious while it lasted especially early in the morning out on the golf course. Speaking of which I now have to relearn the SFM handshake having come into 9, if only momentarily


In other sporting news the field was cleared for Parra to come storming home . And then they tripped over the first hurdle. 12/15 suddenly became 12/14 but suggest they really start worrying when it becomes 9/7 because maths has never been their strong point. Apparently. Barnyard Nodick pulled out early from the Olympics and Australians rejoiced. If only his father had done the same 24 yrs ago. Mind you the Rio Olympics site at present looks like the municipal dump after a heavy downpour so cant expect our millionaire “amateur sportsmen” to risk it just for the glory. Then they have the chance of getting a little prick from something of the small and flying variety and one thing we dont need is any more pricks causing nuisance in our national sporting teams. Golf moves to TPC Sawgrass this weekend with the final 3 holes coming a close second behind Augusta Back 9 as the must see viewing event for the plaid pant clad brigade. Jason had a Day out in round one – yep I can do the corny one liners with the best of them

In TV land Good Wife ended with a slap more than a bang. General consensus was it was not a great series finale but not Dexter bad. A few loose ends left hanging but it was a great 7 season run with some of the best recurring guest characters going around. Locally Stan released their first original with a 6 parter Wolf Creek yarn. It was more a “tough girl” story than the original two movies but a worthy addition to the catalogue and will always applaud Stan and Netflix for original material, especially when a local flavour. Certainly 10 times better than all the reality crap that keeps getting served up as “new programming” I would suggest a crossover show that would be a massive hit. The loser each night on The Bachelor et al has to go on a date with Mick Taylor. To the Outback. One Way. The Americans is currently the best drama on TV and even had a dragon until Martha left πŸ™‚ GOT continues its slooooooooow build for the season. With the third episode HBO indicated they were getting serious about the piracy issue. Luckily your average pirate is a lot smarter than Johnny Depp and certainly less arrogant.

Always looking for an excuse to tap into Ant’s cellar and this weekend we came up with Claude’s Birthday bash. The gang gathered and drank and ate and then drank some more. Started with the Penfolds Bin 389 circa 1997. It was so old that my LFTs were still normal when first bottled. In what was becoming a theme then moved on to the 2000 vintage and then 2006. After 3 bottles I thought I better leave the cellar and actually join the party upstairs or else people may notice. Always up for a laugh with Bruce so we decided to substitute the next offering with a Bowlers Run 2014 Shiraz. Yep I was surprised too as assumed they automatically imploded after 1 year in a bottle. The look on Ant’s face when he took the first mouthful was worth the price of admission. Which was free by the way so do the math – but dont ask the Parra board for help. When he spat the mouthful out over the railing and it landed on the roof of Bruce’s car thus stripping the paint off one could say justice was served I guess.



The rest of the day was a blur but was in bed by 7 pm after a bread roll for dinner. As the old adage goes ” Early to bed and early to rise makes one dull as batshit and not very wise” .May have lost something in the translation. Still, driving home this morning as the sun rose over the horizon was indeed glorious. Once you get past the fog at Gimpland of course. Old Whiskers should get a big vacuum cleaner and just suck up all the fog. Or for that matter all of Gimpland. Just leave the Maccas behind ok . So another weekend comes to and end , not that weekends mean a lot in my life. But something that does took place on Friday which of course was the 13th. Harry had his first disco at Kindy with a spooky theme. Seinfeld sent over some excess puffy shirts and he went as a ghost. Actually an excellent sewing job by Jas was involved #sewimpressed.



Well I did warn ya

Speaking of a fake Deity worshipped by many, Trumpy Von Trumpster has defied all the critics and naysayers. Yes he kept that wig in place for 12 months. Which is surprising given the amount of hot air emanating a mere 3 inches below and every man with small hands knows that magic number. Like Big Mal will likely find out in a couple of months its not so much that the masses love you but rather they dislike the other guy more. This will of course be a contest between two candidates with the highest “unfavourables” in recent history. Most things are black and white for your average Yank so this is not that surprising. Two critical issues will impact on The Donalds run in my view. His choice of VP and voter turnout. Will the “never Trump” brigade vote for HillBilly or just not turn up? Trump’s unpopularity with women was of course confirmed by lack of endorsement from the Bushs or anything Bush related πŸ™‚ Maybe he should stick to Mexican hairless for next wife ? Many folk, especially offshore, cant accept that DT could ever be elected to President. Did anyone really think Arnie would get the California gig? Now Arnie and DT are similar in a way except you can understand everything DT says – which of course is a big negative to him! That is naturally different to accepting everything he says as fact. In news involving an actual believable POTUS, BO again showed he is the coolest cat in town at the Special Correspondents dinner. Yes it is scripted but the man can deliver a line and gives the sense he could handle the odd heckler or two – that is if the 130 kg SS guy standing off to the side didnt first. My fave putdown of his involved Kendall Jenner given its subtlety and the look on her face.

In TV land finished the 4th season of Vikings and it was very good again although not as good as previous seasons with Ragamuffin wandering around half dazed for most of the season. Line of Duty Season 3 was excellent of course and as with any six pack can be knocked off in one session if dedicated and no life. Tick. Tick. Have held off starting The Americans season 4 as long as humanly possible but finally gave in and not disappointed. Have been catching up on some old Julie Rafter episodes of Halifax FP which certainly shows its age both in the acting and actors. Turning down a young Hughy J?? Come on girl. Does also confirm the long held view that Deborah Lee Furnace is also gay apparently. Movie wise caught the Netflix “production” of Special Correspondents. Gervais is a one trick pony for me and if u like that you wont be disappointed. Norma Bates almost saved it but not quite

Sport has been dominated of course by the slippery Eels. Most seem to think it is fair, I would suggest they got off lightly. The Todster didnt want to see anymore souls destroyed which is ok for fans and maybe even some players but some assholes do need to be destroyed. Watching Choc try and keep a straight face while saying he would fall on his sword for his team mates was fun. I mean the guy would have to be held up by said team mates before he could fall on anything. I was sent out to pasture early for a lot less money but at least could still walk. Well, 9 holes anyway….. The merry go round of which spoilt tennis brat to hate the most took a sharp turn this week when everyone thought Kyrgios was home and hosed but then Tomic flashed down the outside and won by a half head. Which is kinda appropriate. On the local front am approaching a unique and somewhat embarrassing possibility. Have been stroking it quite well lately – golf you naughty folk! – and so handicap is a very respectable 10. For a laugh also play 9 holes on Fridays which has an individual and specific “handicap” system based on whether you win a ball each week in sweepstakes. If u do, drop 2 strokes on handicap; if you dont blow out 1. This afternoon will stand on the first tee with a 9 hole handicap of 9 with a dicky back from hand raking bunkers this morning. Next week then has the real possibility of my 9 hole and 18 hole handicap being the same especially if second shot this afternoon is played from the 10th fairway!. It could be worse I guess, I could go off like a frog in a sock next Wednesday and my 18 hole handicap drop below my 9 hole !

On the home front today actually marks 14 yrs with CLP. Given its easy divisibility by 7 there could be a joke about dog years in there but I am above such trite nonsense. A lot has happened in that time and I can remember most of it. Facebook tried to suck me into Pastbook app last night where you can get a printed copy of a years memories for as little as $29.95. Ok , so when 2015 ran to 595 photos and a price of $70 US I knew I had plenty of memories to cherish but if I am going to get ripped off by US currency conversion I am going to be sitting on the beach in San Diego, not leafing through a photo album in Maryhole. More memories will no doubt be created when we head off in a couple of weeks for a weekend drive around Kingaroy Wine district. On second thought we could probably walk it πŸ™‚ Been a great 14 years kiddo. May is a busy month indeed with many birthdays for kids and grandkids of the Ferguson persuasion and hope to catch up with them all. A simple visit from Grandad is enough in these hard economic times right ?

Life is good. At least until something better comes along.