Archive for August, 2013

Han Solo – Warp Speed

Posted: August 30, 2013 in Travel
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When last we met our Hero he was on the horns of a dilemma. Words like man up or shut up were freely bantered about. Ok naysayers go stand over there in the corner with all your mates if you thought at last he would shut up?? Ha, suffer in your shorts fools. In what can only be described as a slight brain melt down a holiday has been planned and mostly paid for in 48 hrs. Help

Ok eager beavers, what was the final destination? A very safe Tiaro, a safe Melbourne, a slightly safe NYC? Nope a complete balls out turn around and we are off to Chicago and San Francisco for 2 weeks in October. Why you may ask. No idea, I have early onset Alzheimers. Now the time frame was always going to be an issue if heading OS because if I had any testicles left (and not in cold storage at Maplehead) then I would likely lose them between Nov and March in USA. After that , well there is the Europe 2014 jaunt with the even more jaunty CLP to look forward to in September 2014. So that left a 2 week holiday starting no later than mid October. Hell, it takes me 20 minutes to decide what I am going to have for breakfast – All Bran or All Bran? Initially leaning towards NYC/Washington double. Then dropped one and bought in San Fran and then thought in for a penny in for US$ 0.91
(Note: last US holiday our buck was going gangbusters and was actually making money while away!) and threw in the Windy City as well. At my age it seemed appropriate.

Ok, well flights were on a good deal so no real issue there although not exactly a straight forward connection – think I am going via Mt Rushmore but could be wrong. The real issue with flights is sitting for 13 hrs with 2 clowns I dont know and am sure will not like while dealing with the 7 inobtrusive pee stops. Now hotel prices are expensive so always try VRBO to get an apartment. With the short notice about 80% of likely lookers were “unavailable for period requested Sir”. But I found one in each city for a week each that look great and reasonably priced. Of course then I had to convert to Aussie $ but whats a man to do. So flights booked and paid, accommodation organised.

So come mid October devoted followers and casual observers keep an eye out for the latest best sellers “Chillin in Chicago” and “Save Me San Francisco” coming to a computer near you

Now I just have to tell the CLP.

Han Solo – The Quest Begins

Posted: August 21, 2013 in Travel
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Dont get me wrong Life is Good. Have a doting CLP who hangs on my every word (yes she reads this nonsense:) ), three great kids and 4 wonderful grand children. And of course I live in Qld and dont have to go to work every day. Lets be honest here – the last 3 weeks of weather have been simply glorious. But there is still something gnawing away inside – a wanderlust it would appear. I have been very lucky travel wise in recent years as well and seen many wonderful countries and many wonderful things. But it doesnt take long for the feelings to reappear – especially when I watch so much Overseas TV with stunning vistas of the NYC skyline or the sweeping majesty of the English landscape. CLP still works and also suffers from that debilitating malaise called “financial responsibilty” so content to plan ahead for a holiday in another 13 months. She has finally called my bluff and suggested I travel by myself:) We both know that is a scary option for moi – although she dreams of the day she can get away from me and travel the world:) She is a great organiser and all of our trips have gone very smoothly. So its time to man up or shut up.

Now 2 weeks in NYC or London for example sound great in theory but have already been there and have fond memories of shared times with CLP. Would I want to go to a totally new place like San Francisco without CLPs guiding hand and adoring gaze ? What is the point of standing on Alcatraz by yourself – even with the wonders on Instagram et al. If not confident about the enjoyment factor then it is an expensive way to find out and money is not exactly falling out of my jeans pockets. So maybe the best plan is a trial run with a few days or a week in Australia? No concerns about exchange rates/driving/passport/Language. Balanced against this is the excitement factor which is way below an OS trip. So a decision needs to be made soon. Watch this space.

All Pain No Gain

Posted: August 11, 2013 in Events
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Ah the election campaign. 5 weeks of boring patter and staged events. I have not watched a TV Debate since Keating and Howard. I was kind of glad PK didnt know the price of a litre of milk. Told me he was running the country rather than doing the grocery shopping. And of course we had the Worm. Now we have one candidate with a charisma bypass and one candidate who had a charisma implant that rejected him. Its Dull and Duller. Then we have the polls and the endless interpretation and what it means for the two party preferred vote. I am more interested in the no party preferred vote because I think it could be a landslide. Of course what we need during this dribble is some comic relief and not many do it better than How Green Was My Cactus. Can always bring a smile to one’s face and usually time it just right to go out in morning and get my coffee and listen to it on way back home. But wait. There is no HGWMC during the 5 week campaign as it “may contain political comment” . What the fuck. So the pain continues. The gain will have to wait apparently. Caught between The Rock and a hard place it would seem. The interesting thing though is that Dwayne Johnson delivers his lines in the same boring monotone as both candidates but at least looks good in budgie smugglers. And would probably hoist the boats over his shoulder and take them back to whence they came from. Problem solved. Get me Michael Bay on the line, I finally see someone worthy of my donkey vote.

Its Just Not Cricket

Posted: August 4, 2013 in Sport
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Ok the Poms will likely wrap up the Ashes tonight barring a miracle – not referring to the weather but rather the chance that the Poms will show any respect for the game. They will be deserved winners not because they are better than the Aussies, they just haven’t played as poorly. But the real issue for moi is when did they start rorting the rules so blatantly? Its not that the Aussies or other teams have not done similar things but rarely has there ever been such a collective run of dog acts in such a short space of time. You only have to look at the MCC crowd at Lords to know that some English still think cricket is the domain of Gentlemen. Their cricket team does not sadly. Now everyone loves a winner and most of all the British press who have rubbished their under performing sportsmen with gay abandon. Maybe that wears after a while. The poor umpiring has only added to another wasted opportunity one imagines for the erratic Pupdom. Its no secret that for the final days play the English batsmen are not in the nets practicing but rather watching the Iraqi soccer team practice falling down and feigning injuries. If the match gets tight expect Stuart Broad to trip over the boundary rope on way out to bat requiring medical attention for 20 minutes. He then strains his groin while taking middle – another 20 minutes. Finally he pretends to lose a contact lens – even though he doesn’t wear them – another 20 minutes. So how to fix international cricket and specifically The Ashes because that is all we care about? Glad you asked

Flash’s Fantastic Four Fixes to the Fuckup

1. Slow play. If you cant bowl within 10% of the expected over rate the remaining overs are multiplied by the batting run rate and added to total at end of day/innings

2. Substitute fielders. What happened to the 12th man? England started the whole specialist substitute crap – just ask Punter. The 12 th man goes on end of story. If in a wheelchair, the opposing captain has nominated 3 players at start of tour to be on standby from county/shield teams to be used in emergency

3. Neutral Umpires? Forget it, pick the best available. Have a neutral third umpire if you must but he must have a current Opticians Certificate and authourised access to his bank accounts. If the third umpire makes a mistake 50 runs are either added to or subtracted from team total depending on error and he is banned for rest of year.

4. DRS. Watto cant use it whether batting or bowling. Period!

You know it makes sense. On Sept 7 vote 1 Flash