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Sampled the more than adequate Continental Hotel breakfast before heading out for La Sagrada Familia. Now forecast was for rain- yeah right- and skies were grey but non threatening (much like myself) so I headed off sans wet weather gear while CD had either a very large condom or a plastic poncho on her head. We lined up for our quick access and got in before heavens opened. For a place that looks like it was out together with Play dough from the outside , the inside is not only visually stunning but also clean and smooth. Simply an amazing sight that pictures cannot do justice to. Then it was out into light annoying rain to line up for second Gaudi fill for day – Casa Batllo. Let me tell you at 21euro each to get in they should call it Gougi. A bizarre place I guess but let’s face it if this guy was an Aussie he would have been locked up not lauded. By now though the sun was shining through and we started a slow stroll down La Ramblas. This was good news because to make an asshole truly ignorant give them an umbrella ! Great market that we went into , very similar to Melbournes Queen Vic – only better. We finished down at the harbour and had a nice stroll along the boardwalk and met some famous people. They are mostly one dimensional though as they say

Then it was time for lunch and a very passable , and sizable, paella was washed down with some Sangria. Back out into the teeming masses to find the Picasso museum – and line up again for 30 minutes. This was one screwed up dude. One week in September 1957 , he painted a different picture of pigeons every day ! No photography allowed, but there is always that one clown isn’t there that takes one. The security was straight on to him. Take his camera off him I say.

A few souvenirs later and then we trekked across a bit of town to see their Arc de Triomphe and some big Penis shaped erection . The clouds were starting to threaten again so it was back on the metro for homeward trip – and another walk home in the rain.

Barcelona is an easy city to walk around like many European capitals and we find we always walk further than planned and take less public transport than expected. Weather is important though of course

As one travels the world enriching the lives of those I meet it is reassuring to know that all weather forecasters worldwide attended the same clown school. It was tipped to be rain ( not showers ). It was foggy to start with as we headed off to Barcelona which was disappointing as we planned to climb the heights of Montserat on the way. As we approached said retreat of the brown dress brigade a flint caught my eye. Then definite rays of light. I was especially pleased as naturally had dressed for inclement weather and now was uncomfortably warm. We started the rather windy and at times treacherous climb. Now Josef has been an amazing and gracious host not the least because he is a very busy and successful businessman. As such he often got phone calls during our visit. For Xmas we are getting him a hands free set for the car! One handed driving on windy roads at 1500m turned my hair grey I tell ya.

We arrived at the top of the mountain and were above the clouds and it was simply a stunning place. And very crowded. How the big tourist buses get up those roads boggles the mind. After a couple of hours wandering around and then taking in the Boys Choir performance in the amazing church it was time to head to Barcelona

We checked into Hotel Astoria which seems ok but the rooms are small let me tell you. Little things like no kettle to make a cuppa are disappointing. However plenty of time to moan later, we still had local guides to show us around. First stop was La Sagrada Familia which is indeed an impressive building. At least I think there is a building there behind all the scaffolds and shrouds. We were assured it was magnificent inside and Josef kindly lined up for 40 minutes in the sun to get us tickets. Only to be told on arrival at booth there would be an hour wait then as church was full! Telling us that 40 minutes ago may have helped you clod! So we booked tickets for tomorrow at 0900. Next stop was another Gaudi masterpiece – Casa Mila. Yep you guessed it – another bloody building covered in shrouds! We gave up , bid our wonderful hosts a safe trip home and settled in for some Tapas and Sangria. As you do.

Then it was off to our room for hopefully a good nights sleep. We had to go up one at a time as only enough room for one of us to get changed into jammies at any given time in the room.

Falls on my head. After a glorious day yesterday in the surrounding countryside , rain on the roof overnight ( ie before 10 am in the morning!) indicated we should stay away from the Plains today. After the usual breakfast we headed into Lleida nearby for a walk and talk. Under cloudy slides we visited the central monastery/fort which certainly had an interesting history. Seeing cannonball marks in the wall was impressive . It offered sweeping views of a rather dull city under grey skies but hey it was free entry. Then , as the rain started to fall , it was on to Josefs local golf club , Raimat, for a beer and watch a few holes of Ryder Cup. It’s a picturesque course indeed surrounded by rows of grape vines. It was now 2:30 pm which could only mean one thing in Spain – not long until lunch!

Now lunch is the big meal here as we had already discovered. Big is a relative term of course because your average Catalan can pack it away. Plans for the afternoon were squashed due to both the inclement weather and the non return of Josefs mother from the low security twilight home. So all bets were off. Apparently. The food was a mixed offering indeed. Snails, Rabbit Stew and Pork cheeks. The 3 essential food groups – no legs, two legs and four legs.  Let me tell you, pigs have bony cheeks. I am hoping they were the cheeks from the front end of said animal. But the meat was delicious. Snails are fine if dipped in enough sauce if you close your eyes and don’t accidentally crunch some shell but the question I always ask myself with food like this is Why? So did someone just decide ” Hey those snails are slow moving and easy to catch. Let’s eat them”? Is there not enough 4 legged food around to feast on? Anyway it was a mixed and very filling menu indeed only exceeded by the matching  alcohol. White wine followed by Red and then some Rose champagne. By now the cheeks were warm and rosy – although not quite as tender as Mr Pig I am guessing. Then Josef asked the killer question. ” Do you like Port ? ” Is Sergio Garcia a streaky putter ?

So now it is 4:30 pm in the afternoon and I am half cut. It’s raining outside but who cares. I hear bells in my heads but there is no church nearby which is odd in itself.

I have to work out how to fill in the time between now and 9 pm dinner! CLP of course is asleep. At least there is some certainty in life.

All together now Well I’ve never been to Spain….

Actually I have now. And there were 6 dogs so it was very warm. Josef is a hunter as well and not just deer. He has 6 dogs for some Partridge hunting as well. They do have their own living quarters and were well behaved during the night so I threw them a couple of kookaburras in the morning for reward.

A leisurely traditional breakfast of bread , tomato, olive oil and ham followed by a short stroll around the village. Like in France the bread is superb. Some food markets were interesting indeed with bags of snails percolating in the sun. The small villages are certainly a pleasant break from the teeming crowds of tourists awaiting us back in Barcelona on Monday

We set off for a leisurely drive into the mountains. Some stunning scenery indeed and first stop was Poblet Monastery which was also the church where Josef and Magda were married. Rather disturbingly the guy in the gift shop tried to short change me 5 euro than overcharge CLP 10 Euro. A tourist trap methinks – now I understand the term Trapist Monk! There was much driving through winding roads but the scenery was worth it as we decamped for lunch. As expected it was great being with a local Catalan who did all the ordering and before we knew it a vat of Escudella was keeping the tablecloth from going anywhere. The soup of the day actually got its name from the fact that is how long it takes to finish the bowl! Very tasty though with mix of sausages , meatballs, vegetables and what I assume was donkey ears. The intact hair certainly held the soup together and was a nice if surprising touch . A very nice bottle of red and a traditional main course of lamb and 17 vegetables cooked to within an inch of their lives and it was time for the famous siesta. Sadly we were still 1000 m above sea level and 2 hrs from home – with only twisting winding road between and restful sleep. So instead we did a bit more walking taking in the magnificent mountains in background and walking around a couple small villages. Then it was back home for our 9 pm dinner! After the rather large lunch we settled on beer and fruit for dinner, as you do, and it looks like 3 orchards nearby were cleared judging by the amount of fruit on display.

I was slowly getting body into Spanish time which is like France + 1 hr. If I go any later I will be having dinner just before breakfast! Of course the sun stays up until 8 pm and then doesn’t rise until 8 am next morning so it all makes sense. Apparently

We left Paris behind in street lit beauty as we boarded the early TgV high speed train to Barcelona. Left exactly on time as usual with trains. Station security checking certainly appears lax compared to airports – at both ends. It was a comfortable ride and the 6.5 hrs passed at a reasonable rate. Barcelona Sants is certainly a busy station and we sampled our first taste of Spain. A beer naturally. We would be spending the weekend with friends of the Della clan, the very gracious Josef and Magda. Unfortunately we could not be picked up until another 4 hrs and then a 90 minute drive to Les Borges Blanques where they live north of Barcelona. However all settled in by 8 pm and after a late meal it was time for some sleep. It is a lovely house constructed mainly of Australian products – bricks, jarrah wood etc – to reflect the amount of business (tiles) Josef does with Australia. A relaxed weekend exploring the local countryside with expert tour guides awaits

The day dawned booteeful again on our last full day in Paris. Would it be the last ever ? It’s been a great week of course and it is not as if we have seen or experienced all that Paris has to offer. But one does wonder if time would be better spent in future exploring new cities or returning to other favourites like Prague. Time will tell . We still have a week in South of France to enjoy later in the holiday.

So we set off on a long walk with plan to revisit a couple of favourite experiences from 2012. It was a lovely morning indeed for a traverse across the Seine once more heading in the general direction of Il de St Louis for some memorable Beef bournignon for lunch. Even at old man pace we had some time to kill. Found a nice little cafe with friendly bordering on jovial wait staff for breakfast after crossing the Pont Alexandre 111 bridge and taking in the splendour of the Grand Palais. Then on to the start of the Holy Trinity for the day – Saint Chappelle. The room dedicated to the under arm delivery was a surprise. The second act of course was Notre Dame. I sat outside while CLP lined up and went in. Was a bit pissed off when some little brat pointed at me and said “Mommy, one of the gargoyles fell off and landed here ” .

Lunch was as good as we remembered and as cramped. Then some metros onward and upward to the final of the trifecta – Sacre Couer. It is one impressive place and offers a great view back over the sprawling city. It is sadly in one of the rougher areas of town. Just nearby it was time to visit the Amelie bar to see if they still served the coldest beer in town. Alas they don’t, but it was still rather drinkable . After that it’s just time for one last dinner and some packing before an early start tomorrow for the train to Barcelona.

But one last lesson to learn mon ami. Restaurants , despite stating hrs of midday to 10 pm, don’t actually open for dinner until 730 pm! Hope they let me in in my PJs

We came. We saw. We drank. We ate. We drank. Yes I believe in a balanced diet. 2 drink portions for every one food portion. Unless we run out of food of course then it is simply open slather on the liquid stuff. Have yet to be disappointed by a day long wine trip and still batting 1000 tonight folks

Started at 0700 and picked up one other couple on way – slightly older and very pleasant Yanks – before the 90 minute drive in a very comfortable van out to Champagne region. Our guide was Vietnamese and very knowledgable. I did not pick up everything he said due to accent but the only thing I need to know with champagne is ” Why is that cork still in the bottle Charlie ? “. It was great to see well known varieties like Bollinger et al on the vine and then we went to a small family operated winery for some edumacation and maybe a tipple or two. Now I mentioned this previously but the generous nature of my new fave people La Frogs lives on in wine tasting sizes as well. Very tasty indeed and a couple of bottles purchased . Charlie said “It is safe to take on plane back to Australia ” I relied ” Pal, it it makes it back to Paris tonight I will be amazed , it’s a 90 minute car trip you know !”

Then onto yet another great lunch topped off by yet another superb chocolate dessert. I may be lucky to retain my svelte figure at this rate. Luckily my charm will still draw in the Sheilas. So after getting bombed before lunch it was now time to see a real bomb site – Reims Cathedral. When CLP first mentioned for only 175 Euro we could have a whole day of Reims my life flashed before my eyes. Except for March 2012 for some reason. Anyhoo, when I realised she was referring to an actual location I relaxed considerably. As did my sphincter. It is a stunning cathedral no doubt and well worth a look I guess, unless you have already seen 245 cathedrals. It did have great natural light though. Sadly, as often happens, there was a lot of scaffolding on front entrance. Something I am considering getting done too.

After this it was time to visit the Taittanger Champagne house and go down into the caves for some more edumacation. Charlie was replaced by the local Chantilly this time who resembled the embodiment of French Sheilas – a little stunning, somewhat aloof and haughty, definitely sexy and largely indifferent to my presence. It was an impressive collection of bottles indeed. Then back up to ground level for two more quarts of tasting.

We rolled into the van and started the 2 hr trip back to Paris. A great day indeed and well worth the money

It was a significant day for two reasons. Naturally the most important event was the CLP celebrating a birthday in the City of Love. She is treated like a Queen everyday so no special planning required. The second event of interest though was that Frenchie clawed back. Now I have been my usual subtle self but some may have picked up on a minor displeasure with certain aspects of the French experience.

After having some truffles flown in from South of France for an appetiser it was off for some breakfast at a recommended little cafe. Another booteeful day and a leisurely 30 minute walk to Cafe Constant and a surprisingly good breakfast. The surprising thing though was some actual service was provided without having to ask for it . Garçon was a little confused when he thought we wanted white tea with milk but it was sorted. The only downer was towards end when Frogs x2 arrived and sat down next to us with dogs x 2 in tow. Yes the French love their dogs but leave them outside please ok?

Next it was on to Musee Rodin I think. Get it ? We arrived a bit early and had to wait in line but were at front so when got in got the ” memorable” photo opportunities first. For 6 euro entry it was great value. Win 2 for the French. Then it was home to get ready for hopeful highlight of day – lunch at Le Jules Verne on second level of Eiffel Tower. Prepaid many months ago had even paid 30 euro just to have our tickets posted to Australia. Not cheap but should be worth it

Now an old man does not need too many shocks in life. So when Francois showed us the menu and said we could choose from tasting or set menu I said ” settle down pal we pre paid this for the special lunch ” “Non Non, we don’t debit your credit card we only keep it on record” While my life flashed before my eyes I assured him that some frog had taken a fair hit out of my card many months ago and unless he wanted to see how high up we really were get it sorted tout suite. I think he appreciated my knowledge of French lingo. He came back apologetic saying I was correct – apologetic as in the grimace turned almost into a smile. From there on it was simply a superb experience. You get what you pay for of course and for that money I thought a lap dance may have been included but alas no. Ok, it wasn’t my birthday I guess. Now the French are great with their bread and must say they also know how to fill a glass of wine beyond the one third mark. As part of the package we got some signed individual menus and just for a laugh , as booking was in my name, CLP menu was titled Madame Ferguson. While she no doubt half expected me to drop to one knee there and then it was a simple misunderstanding . Manfully she wiped away the tears . Or was she laughing with relief ? Graciously Pierre arranged to have the menu fixed. Now mine says Mr Della. Fark !

So a great day was nowhere near over but being full as a goog it was time to head home and stretch out for rest of day. Maybe head out later for a beer but no more food thanks. Not even a breadstick dipped in cheese.

Maybe a wafer thin chocolate ?

The day dawned tres booteeful so we headed off for Plan A. Place our lock on Bridge Du Love along with previously placed locks from Della clan. Easily found and mission accomplished. One does wonder if it will be there in December though. Guys were cutting off locks in one section while there and least 30% of sections were boarded up now.

Most holidays have that one recurring theme that both amuses and annoys. In Paris it has been trying to get service in a fucking cafe!

Case 1 . Breakfast at Le Deux Maggots on way to locking down our lurve. We saw Gerard the waiter as we approached the outside tables and sat down. He saw us too. Some tables had a menu lying on them but no pattern apparent. No tables were set up as such. Nothing happens for 10 mins. Reach over and grab a menu from table 3 feet away and suddenly Gerard arrives! Nice breakfast but 7 euro for a small coffee!

Case 2. Found another cafe for a late morning tea after much walking. Sat down outside with a table that had a menu at it. If nothing else the boy is a quick learner .Waitress continued to wipe tables nearby and ignoring us. Eventually she rocks up. Bonjour. The menu had plenty of food and drinks but nothing sweet like a biscuit or cake so we placed our coffee order and enquired ” Do you have any cakes? ” ” Oui Madame ” and walks off. 5 minutes later coffees turn up. Nothing else, no cakes, no menu?? Meanwhile some French tart turns up and is served straight away . Eventually we had to get up and go inside to pay our bill.

So after the very pleasant walk across the bridge we were in Louvre territory so thought we would go and have a laugh at line ups etc and maybe throw popcorn at the tourists as they waited. Lo and behold the lines were relatively small (0930 am) and moving quickly so we went in and got our fill of cultcha for the day. A Mona here, a Venus there , avoid 4000 Japs and then back out into the real world.

Some more thoughts on life as a Frog. For largely monosyllabic grunters who rarely smile let alone speak to you why do they insist on cramming people next to each other in restaurants like forced integration ? It makes for an unpleasant dining experience when you are virtually sitting in the lap of the person next to you. Conversely in large groups they tend to speak loudly to the point of annoyance. Another feature have noticed this time around is the habit of some people (ie more than one) to walk down the street still with motorcycle/scooter helmet on?? WTF. Mind you, have noticed that the female bicyclists are always smiling. I suspect it is the cobbled streets. One thing though, the French do know their bread and give you plenty of it. Great stuff. And slimming to boot. Yay.

So after a relaxing afternoon headed out for a great little Tapas dinner and onto the Arc de Triomphe for a sunset glimpse of the Eiffel et al. CLP suggested going to top as ” only 40 steps ” . Sucked in again ! Sadly it was smoggy as usual so no classic sunset but was a nice evening all the same

Now I need my sleep as big day tomorrow.

Apparently

It’s a lovely apartment as usual but much as happened the last time in Paris being on ground floor does leave you open to elephant herding above and it’s happening again. And for generally dirty folk the French do seem to love to run washing machines after midnight!

So after a solid 4 hrs sleep it was off to The Catacombes so we decided a leisurely stroll in light mist was fine and it was pleasantly quite early on a Sunday morning for our 40 minute walk. Stopped in for breakfast on the way which was fine if you don’t mind grunts in exchange for actual conversation from cheery wait folk. And of course the first crap coffee of the holiday. We had paid overs for a guided tour as knew the line ups were horrendous – as in hours. Even so we still had to be there at 0900 and stand around for an hour before opening. The guide seemed pleasant enough but was concerned when she went about 10 people in front of us. Turns out we had no ” skip the line” deal but rather had to wait for a second guide to buy our tickets. Look it’s a rather amazing place but after the first 100 skulls the thrill wanes. Unless you have a burning desire to have every plaque translated no need for a guide either. And the 80 steep steps to climb at end didn’t help moi. Still let’s get some meats and cheeses from market and catch our first metro home- the ankle was double size by now. All fine until we get to first station of the required 6. Train stops fine but then there is an announcement in French and everyone gets off . Well the people who understand French do and naturally we decide to follow. Bomb? Rat plague? Bieber concert? Who would know, no one around to tell ya. Once emptied the train just left. So have to climb up stairs again for another 30 minute walk home. Then it started to rain. My usual cheery outlook was looking a tad precarious .

Now I got nothing against Paris. Except it is full of French people. They are truly an ignorant mob, whether it be flicking lit ciggies on footpath in front of you or just walking with head down and not even looking. They really have a poor understanding of the concept of service.

Anyhoo went for a stroll in afternoon and saw the Statue of Liberty replica and of course the Eiffel Tower. If nothing else the Seine is truly a beautiful river. It is a stunning backdrop for so much.