Archive for September, 2014

Europe 2014 – Day 1

Posted: September 20, 2014 in Travel

They say the older you get the wiser you get. I am going to file that furfy away with ” all women are the same” . So even though I knew there was several hours of snouts in the trough awaiting from about 11pm on, numbnuts here still thought it was a good idea to have a few beers and half a bottle of wine over a big dinner with CLP Snr a few hours before hand! I blame the festive spirit oozing from all CLP crevices for this misjudgement. I forgot what ” starting holidays ” means now for the workers. So we rock out to the airport in plenty of time, smooth check in and make our way to Emirates lounge. All a bit old hat now I guess but it helps pass the time. Going to sound crass I know but I am often surprised at some of the people that fly business class or better. They look like they just walked off the set of Duck Dynasty! And they yap across rooms with inane stories. One good thing about the Brisvegas lounge is if has a dedicated bridge to board from, an opportunity to avoid mingling with the great unwashed for a bit longer. Plane left on time and all was as expected food and service wise. There are lie flat beds but I can’t sleep anyway . Of course CLP does, but then she falls asleep at security screening if if takes longer than 30 seconds!

On time for Singapore where you get off,turn around 3 times and get back on the same plane. Enough time for another ” keeper ” experience though! The Singapore Squat AKA – loo! It hard enough for guys to hit a large bowl from a short distance ( ya with me ??) while facing – how the hell do you expect us to crap into a bowl half the size while hunched over and one hand on the door. I took some photos but keeping them safe in iCloud. We were late leaving Singapore but it was ok – “We can make it up in the air”! A superb lunch I must say topped off by a rather large cheese board – yeah I know what cheese does to the nether regions! By now I had the hosties eating out of my hand( could have been some Gorgonzola left over to be fair) so got a mattress and a fluffy pillow and extended both stomach and body for an hour or two before reaching Dubai. I wouldn’t call it sleeping but it did involve some shut eye and no eating so all round quite helpful in the scheme of things.

After the SS experience there was going to be no DD (Dubai Dump) happening although it was tempting with some Caged Heat approaching. Yes after the leisure of BC , if was time for some cattle class for last leg to Paris. When you think about it , actually good experience for spending a few days with the cheese eating surrender monkies aka The French. Had deliberately saved any movie watching for this last leg and dutifully did so. Into Gay Paree by 830 pm meant we were entering our apartment around 1030 m so in total had been ” awake” for roughly last 48 hrs. For comparative purposes that feels about as long as watching 3 episodes of the Walking Dead back to back. The pre paid shuttle was rather useless with a typical non communicative frog at the wheel.

Time for some sleep as tomorrow have first booked tour- The Catacombes of Paris. I know cats are sacred over here but not sure how they can sell tickets for people sitting around watching them get their fur brushed? Time will tell.






Europe or Bust: A Second Crack

Posted: September 12, 2014 in Travel

Have always thought a second crack would be handy but that is a story for another day. With only a week to go its time to notify the adoring masses that there will be soon be a flog (ie a flood of blogs) so that they can adapt their schedule now to allow sufficient time to read and revel.

It all kicks off next Saturday morning at 0200. Why 0200? Because there were no 0300 flights. Actually though it was part of a master plan to fly first part of route to Dubai in Business class and not have to sell a Grandkid, or worse still, a functioning organ. Of course the flaw in the plan is that there will be eaties and drinkies in the lounge first (cause its free) and then eaties and drinkies on plane (cause its free) at a time when one is normally sleeping and not grazing. Time will tell the wisdom of this grand plan but luckily in BC on Emirates the headphone Jack doubles as a colonic irrigation input valve. For shits and giggles the waste is funnelled through to the cattle class wash basins.

So roll off the plane after what will seem like 3 days into the land of the Frog for some Prancing around Paris perusing points of interest and partaking in many pastries.There is some clamboring in catacombs but likely the highlight will be lunch at Le Jules Verne ( Post Code “bloody high up Eyefull Tower”) to celebrate the 55th birthday of CLP. Yep she is coming along this time – once again with BC you dont pay for excess baggage. Also getting reamed on a Champagne day tour which could be passable as spose to be some classic cathedral in the area and I do love me places of worship

Then it is off to Bounce around Barcelona and countryside with a weekend first in Lleida with family friends before Tapping into Tapas and Gorging on Gaudi for a few days in Barcelona itself. They have asked me to help finish off that that bloody Salada Basilica as it has simply become an eyesore. Mind you you gotta admire a civilisation that has a compulsory nanna nap after lunch written into law

Then the fun begins. Pick up a car in Perpignan and head back into Frenchy Town. First up we may care for a scone in Carcassone methinks. Little known fact – Maryhole is also a walled city. Must be – no one ever leaves!Then onto Millau, Aix En Provence and Chamberey at a leisurely pace over next few days albeit on the wrong side of the road. There are some interesting cheese caves near Millau and if I cant work a Monty Python line or two into there then I aint the clown I thought I was. A day to relax around Chamberey although a day trip to Lyon is likely.

Then it is 3 trains and a donkey into northern Italy for some Idling once again with friends for the weekend. Yeah yeah, I dont have friends – they belong to CLP and part of the package deal she brings to the table. Once in a while a cooked dinner would be nice too ? Anyhoo then it is another 3 trains and a unowinged biplane into Berlin via Milan and Frankfurt. I plan on being very quiet in Berlin as dont want to get shot. Certainly wont mention the war. For such an efficient race why do they have Oktoberfest in September? There will be segwaying of course and a day trip to Dresden.

Then it is off on a high speed train that goes so fast it floats on water – apparently – for some Cavorting in Copenhagen. I imagine we will eat a lot of Danishes. Is there anything else to do there after you sat on top of the Little Mermaid a few times? We plan to be or not to be at Kronborg Castle around Oct 21 – that could be too clever for the intellect of my general reader but look it up folks. Its what I do – edumacate the ill informed.

Finally then some Dozing in Dubai on way home as we always do. When not snoozing around the pool will go to the top of the Burj Khalifa via the Tom Cruise route. Yep – platform shoes and a face mask all the way baby. If able to get up the stairs it will then be a BC trip back on an A 380 this time so that I can arrive back home in a relaxed state for the gruelling days ahead of …………. well golf I guess. After the insufferable number of comments in last 18 months “well your golf handicap must be dropping” I can finally answer “well yes it is down to 10 now”. Of course now that I am in my purple patch of form there will be no stick and hole work for next 6 weeks. Well not on the golf course anyway – ya with me

Yes we have the T Shirt