flashman181

Ah Queensland Summers ( yes we skip Spring apparently) dont you just hate them? Its either blistering hot or else huddled in the corner with a candle as lightning and thunder descend from above. Not that we get many storms “Under the Dome” here in Maryhole. It really is a Catch 22 for moi. Generally I like rain because I can justify staying indoors all day and it cools the place down. Not good if want to play golf of course and major damage for my poor bunkers on said golf course. This weekend is perfect example of connundrum. Rain today all u like – I can watch cricket and golf on TV etc. Not too much though as dont want bunkers to fill up. Then clear about 10 am tomorrow so can go out and actually play golf. Surely not too much to ask? Of course what will more likely happen is that the big tease will go all day as temp slowly rises, puddles form from sweat only and finally the skies will open tomorrow about 1 pm ie Hole 3!

Big week in Sport with the “race that stops the nation”. The race I refer to of course was who would sign Sam Burgess because blind and deaf Freddy knew he was always coming back after a stint with the leather elbow brigade. Souths were red hot favorite and duly delivered as expected – unlike the other race where some sheila showed the boys how it is done and then had her achievement completely overshadowed by some post race comments. Didnt even have a sweep horse this year – one advantage/disadvantage of not working anymore – and could not even name 3 horses in the field. The only certainty these days of course is that some ladies will get absolutely ripped and images will fly around the world courtesy of social media . In other sporting news, the Black Caps were a tad ordinary at the Gabba and we should have our first 3 day test of the summer – weather permitting. The news (in the loosest sense of the word) folk still cant quite let Hayne go despite it being obvious the shine has faded along with his prospects this year. When his greatest strength is how weak his team is then you know it wont end well

The biggest surprise of the week though of course is that The Verdict is still on?? Always reminded of the Frontline episode where Mike insisted on being taken as a serious journalist and the Brass pretended to support him. Karl has same affliction and about the same amount of gravitas. Never watched an episode never will. Despite my love for SM, the EX-PM is weak sadly. Some goose in online forum stated it must be “doing ok because it attracted 600,000 viewers”. This is the same populace that rated an hour of cat videos as extreme entertainment! Getting ready for cricket and 9 has an ad for latest crap about How Rich get Hitched or some nonsense. Probably attract 1 million of the brain dead who aint so much Walking dead (too much effort) as Sitting dead. Gotham continues to impress, Supergirl is bad, and good to see Elementary back on. Caught the Amy doco which was a mixture of interest and sadness. Her Dad was a real prick and hubby not much better.

As November has rolled around it can only mean one thing – next US holiday is only 3 months away! Have to start thinking of that catchy title for blog. Likely a JFK theme as doing his life in reverse – Dallas->Washington-> Boston. Just have to survive Dallas first of course

Like a couple of Rabbitohs lining up at the Chemist I thought it would help us all to wait a couple of days for your weekly Fillet of Flash this week – which goes very nicely with a battered Sav I am reliably informed. Its an odd week of sport actually. First up while I would have liked Day to win Spieth is a worthy winner as well. Anyone who thinks Day choked has never played golf half way seriously at all. It is a frustrating and soul destroying game at times and while it was very slow to recognise women I am convinced they were involved in its creation at the start because their hands are all over it like white on rice. Spieth went walkabout a few weeks ago after looking unbeatable 2 months ago. The one golden rule he definitely displays is “drive for show, putt for dough” – or $10 million in this case. Then we get to the NRL . I would like Broncos to win as they are my team but there will be no wrist slashing if Cowboys do because JT deserves it as much as anyone I know. And of course once again we have to put up with the nonsense of “play the grand final in Brisbane”. Why ? Suncorp only sits 52,000 for starters. Its much more fun to go to Sydney and win – as long as someone stops the airlines from gouging Joe Average as per usual. The Dally Ms confirmed two certainties – JT is the best player in the game at present and Turnbull should stick to Polo and leave the blue collar games to anyone else. At least Keating never pretended to be a sports follower. I still occasionally watch the Today Show as Step 7 of my 12 Step plan for Rageaholics Annonymous but “Thank You Karl” even outdid himself this week by starting a movement to bring this Sundays game to Suncorp! Complete Tool

Hayne ran for 37 yds (not even metres!) and zippers bulged the world over. At least all of his years playing for Paramatta will hold him in good stead for a season that finishes early every year. The only match of any real importance in the must win caper this week is of course in Rah Rah land when we take on the Poms on the weekend. Win and kick them out of their own tournament would be tres sweet – and ensure Sammy is back in red and green next year.

TV wise Ray Donovan wrapped up its 3rd season and is currently the best drama on TV . Utopia on ABC continues to expertly portray some classic government office workplace scenarios while Gruen rounds out the best hour of local TV all week. 800 Words is simply Seachange in NZ with less likable characters but plenty of cliches. Scream Queens was a pleasant surprise and Quantico has a workable premise and narrative which does not necessarily guarantee success or even survival as it is still a bit sudsy. Trevor Noah has the toughest job on TV at present and while the show is still good with the help of correspondents I do feel that his guest interviewees interaction may be lacking. With all of the late night shows around these days I find best solution is subscribe to them on You Tube and then each morning can check out the best skits and interviews via ATV in less than 30 minutes! Across the ditch and the This is England TV spinoffs continue to decline with each subsequent series

Finally lets talk weather. Its been an interesting week to say the least. I have lived (at least my version of it) in Maryhole for 38 yrs and remember well years ago when we got our fair share of storms. Now storms can be nasty and destructive so missing 95% of them is not necessarily a bad thing but what has happened here in the last few years? No new mountain ranges et al I am aware of? It is like the Red Sea has relocated to Tiaro and everything parts there. Maybe there is a Black Knight of Bauple declaring “None shall Pass” . The last two days in particular have been tres confounding and it is like BOM suddenly runs out of blue ink when it approaches us. I have no issue with them predicting “possible storms” because they certainly do look likely at times but just once it would be nice if someone added the rider ” of course it will likely dissipate before getting to Maryhole despite any other obvious indications”. Can someone just explain why this happens all the time and trust me I will shut up about it. Its the biggest tease since Sharon Stone uncrossed her legs. Its only going to get worse of course when the summer heat starts rolling in next week or two. I hate hot weather – its my basic instinct

So Summer is approaching and the days lengthen and warmthen. This we know because the neighbourhood dog and bird choir is in full swing by 530 am. Not a big issue for moi as always been an early riser. Sometimes even get out of bed. When I do time for a quick breakfast and then out to golf course for some bunkering et al. Given the short duration of said breakfast and preference for hands free news absorption one turns on the Today Show which sadly has started by 530 am. If I actually have to cook something this can extend to a 30 min chore which gives one the opportunity to observe what passes for 30 mins of “infotainment” these days. We have the news bulletin, ads, sports bulletin, ads, weather, front pages and then the cycle starts again at 6 am. In between there is usual some plug of other 9 shows, where they are travelling to next, and of course the standard “coming up” tease of something that could be slightly interesting but may not show until 8:59 am. Thankfully well and truly covered in sand by then

Speaking of pointless TV shows when one starts the day so early one finds oneself having a break mid to late morning and wanting to relax and not really concentrate on a serious show like Ray Donovan. Lo and behold it is the 2015 Emmys live from somewhere else. Tragically I had missed the red carpet interviews. There is no such thing as a good awards show but some are less tedious than others and really are just something to have on in the background while doing something more productive like clipping your toenails. Quality of course starts with the host and while I dont mind Brooklyn 99, Samberg is not my cup of tea and certainly not a substantial host. The tin of beans gag on the red carpet simply leaves one wondering how this even gets to air. Then we have the “stars” and the awkward presentation interactions. These shows , like many, appeal to that large, and sadly ever increasing, segment of the populace that even now have their own species identification. Dumbas Oxygenwastas hereafter known as DO to save time and energy for said toenails. This show was as predictable as airport workers going on strike during school holidays. Awards to shows spread like chickenpox so that once it is on, IT IS ON BABY. Olive Clitoris, VEEP,GOT……zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I love Bill Murray as much as the next guy but to get an Emmy for playing himself for 3 minutes is simply ridiculous. One imagines they think his passing is imminent. Hamm gets a deserved Emmy but for all the wrong seasons much like GOT which just had its weakest season really. Just when you think you understand that its makeup time Amy Poehler misses out as JLD wins again for doing the same thing 4 yrs in a row. At least Modern Family didnt win! There were two categories for reality shows – Structured and Unstructured?? Pandering to the DOs again. How about Crap and Utter Crap next time. The one that did stand out as odd though was the best writing award for GOT . Series based on popular books always attract your stranger group of rabid fans but even they would be surprised at that one. And of course who could have foreseen Viola Davis turning her speech into a Black Women Power theme. Of course things are different in 2015 then in 1955. Everyone knows that – except the Australian Liberal Party. Which leads nicely into….

The coup was a raging success. Turnbull has soared in the polls to dizzying heights unseen since that last popular PM. Now what was her name ? Oh thats right Julia Gillard. What could go wrong?? Lets just say dont get too comfy Talkbull. It is galling how the media, especially those with other agendas, pounce on this without the obvious rider statement. You are polling the same DOs that gave Scott Cam a Gold Logie remember. It is like the weather bureau who consistently say “chance of a shower or storm this afternoon for Maryborough” which of course is true in a way but doesnt tack on the historical fact that 99% of the time it doesnt happen. Scott Morrison is the interesting player in this and now maybe thinks he can do a Keating and ascend to the top via the Treasurer position. As even Lloyd Bentsen would say “Sir you are no Paul Keating”. The other laugh of course is that Hockey tells us the age of entitlement is over but he wants a plumb ambassador job in USA thanks muchly. Ya cant write this stuff. But if you could you just may win and Emmy. Stranger things have happened. As luck would have it the leadership meeting of the Liberal Caucus has leaked online and as a service to you same is provided below

Finally to sport. Can we please stop referring to them as “Hayne’s 49ers”. There is a $12 million a year QB sitting there crying and scratching his head wondering why they took SF out of the franchise name. Too many head knocks can do that to ya. Stop dumbing it down for the DOs. Anyone who doesnt know he plays for SF by now really are not interested. I was interested in his story and good luck to him but think reality is about to hit hard mostly because it aint a real strong team folks. And then we get to the feel good sports story of Jason Day. It is a fascinating time of year for your serious golf watcher as despite the obscene amount of money available at the end of the Fed Ex watching the players move up and down in standings and what it means for next week is tres fascinating. We are now down to the final 30 and the permutations and combinations are numerous. I think if Jason Day finishes 17th, Sangboon Bae comes 2nd, Jordan Spieth dies after 54 holes, and Tiger Woods doesnt make a golf headline all week then Day gets all the choccies. You know it is getting tight when on the 16th hole on the last day the caddie is sacked and a 13yr old Asian maths whizz is suddenly carrying the bag and a calculator.

There are only two stories in the news today so why not mash them. Haynso was seen wearing a helmet so we assume he is playing in about 45 mins. Abbott should have worn a helmet but instead was knocked out of the ring. Welcome to Australia 2015 where we can kick out a PM while most of us are asleep and yet Karl still has a gig on the Today show?

I didnt think anything was going to knock Haynso off the lead news item today but I was wrong – briefly at least. By 11 am it was great to see the first 6 newsfeed items on Facebook were all about him actually starting in todays game. More than anything this should tell me to start unlikeing a few pages methinks but doubt I can avoid it anyway. Will I watch it ? Yeah, will start because afterall have to justify paying $60 a month for Foxtel just to watch PGA golf. Unless there is a wardrobe malfunction in the pregame show or Haynso scores a touchdown with his first touch doubt I can stay interested for the 8 hrs your average NFL game takes

As for the other news, it is a sad day in many ways. Not for that clown Abbott but rather for politics in this country where yet another PM is anointed by his party rather than the people . Did they not learn anything from the Ruddiard debacle? I iamgine Abbott was a good and decent man as they all are really but he never really connected with the people and won by default more than anything else. This of course is now the norm in Aussie politics – the incumbent loses rather than a shining beacon being swept into office. The interesting question of course is will Turnbull go the way of Downer and to a lesser extent Peacock and once elevated to the position suddenly start losing appeal ? One thing for sure is it is going to be one dull election next time around with Talkbull and Curly front and centre. Talk about last clown standing. Of course the one person forgotten in all this who just may have drowned in his porridge this morning is The Parrot aka Jonesy. Jonesy isnt into the funny business with sheilas but would gladly have adopted Abbott if he could have. The smart player in all this is likely Julie Bishop who may just come out relatively unscathed , if such a thing is possible. Turnbull loses the next election and then the Bishop/Morrison team rises to “unite the party in these difficult times” . Which means there will only be one song being sung in the Liberal caucus meetings in about 18 months time

So Pup has finally left the kennel and the mongrel took winter with him! Suddenly our batsmen understood how to leave a ball outside off. Pup needed 220 runs to average 50 in test cricket and be considered a great but fell a tantalising 205 short to now be considered a “former captain and current Channel 9 commentator” in all future introductions. Siddle showed how to bowl with line and length and many may say where was he last test match? Dont matter mate when you get bowled out for 106 in the first innings! Before too long this series will simply be remembered as stated in the record books – a 3-2 loss on foreign soil. Jolly good effort chappies – here are some more bags of money for you. Sandwiched between a towelling in the West Indies and a flogging in Bangladesh, many test records will hardly be affected and the major problems apparent to blind Freddy will once again go unanswered. Why did England perform so badly? They are professional sportsmen simple as that – their minds and motivation work differently to normal folk

For more on this fascinating sub species lets move to NRL. As certain as a win in dead rubber in Test cricket was so is a cellar dweller beating a top contender when their season is over. These people are not the sharpest tools in the box and seem motivated by things that seem less important to us – than winning the premiership for example! These buffoons run around all year with no clear form guide but given a chance of picking up the wooden spoon, suddenly become world beaters. Manly were already thinking of next week when got cleaned up by Parra but Melbourne last night was simply inexcusable and Bellyache agreed. Broncs couldnt beat a depleted Roosters side which pretty well sums them up – close to the top but not quite there. Sticking with Roosters/Cowboys GF with Bulldogs the smokies. Of course it is hard to get much local NRL news these days with Boy Wonder Hayne catching a ball and running 20 yds in USA. Dont get me wrong, he looks good and should make the squad but with NRL almost over can we send Rabs over to commentate purleese. If I hear one more vegemite or kangaroo quip I will be physically ill – and not just from too much vegemite or Roo meat. If nothing else I will at least watch some more NFL this year it seems but has always been a very slow and complex game for moi.

Some media gooses seem shocked that Sydney and Melbourne have such a high numbers of clowns using the Ashley Maddison Stray Shaggers Site. In particular they refer to a “racy” city like Rio only coming (no pun intended) in 11th. Does this mean that Sydney is more racy than Rio? Of course not, I doubt Rio even has the internet. I think it says in general the folk in these Aussie cities are arrogant, lazy fools. No need to put in any effort to stray when I can just sign up with this app on my work provided phone. Mathematicians have looked at the sums and reckons that it implies that 15% of the active working male population in Melbourne has a profile. Luckily I was never an active worker. If 95% of subscribers are male does that mean that the 5% sheilas are very, very busy or that as usual about 90% of men are missing out ? Sao Paulo actually tops the list apparently – guess playing wet the biscuit there is still popular.

Who invented the term the “pub test” and can he or she please be shot immediately. The term itself is harmless enough but does grate when you hear someone like The Parrot or Karl Stuffanosepick use it regularly and that queasy vegemite feeling comes back. Could not imagine the last time those clowns were in a pub but glad I wasnt there as well. At least Jones has moved on from “struggle street”. Mind you if this current financial crisis deepens much more we may all be walking down Struggle street soon looking for a pub – and some cheap Chinese takeaway. Interesting to see how Tony et al deal with it