Who Let the Dogs Out?

Posted: August 8, 2015 in Sport

And can he take his bitch Warnie with him please!

So the greatest certainty since Sticky the Stick Inset got Stuck on a Sticky Bun is finally over. Now Puppy may not know his way around a batting crease but he does with a media circus. He fell on his own sword…….. and still only nicked it!! My practicing religion is Cynicism so lets look at the timing of his departure. The final 3 dayer will now be his last test match and that will be all that matters. There will be more praise flowing than a margarine convention on a hot day because while we love to cut down tall poppies we still love to throw a bit more fertiliser on their dying roots. Only one real question remains – can he score more runs in his final dig than the similar cement boot clad Punter did? (Memo to selectors no more nicknames starting with “P” for Aussie test captains please). His form this series has been bad but really for the last couple of years it has been up and down like a Nun in a cucumber patch (thanks Dabear!) and there could be a tinge of sadness that a once dominant batsmen ends up on the wrong side of 50, test batting average wise. That is one of those magical numbers that defines true greatness. Its not all doom and gloom of course because clearly the only reason that the Poms won this series was because of the Aussie coach they have! Which brings us to the burning question – can someone please detail what the KSCs are for the job of Aussie batting coach. Di Venuto?? Sounds like an italian ice cream that melts on exposure to air. Its like having Tony Abbott as Minister for Womens Affairs. Ha Ha , good one eh. What??? You have to be joking…. Lordy Lordy, take me now. Under all this jocularity though is a serious question facing the game’s administrators. How do you pay Watto 4 million a year to stand in dressing rooms shirtless when you are only getting 3 days of gate takings! A standard ticket for the Edgbaston test match was 90 quid which I think is $3,275 AU. It will always be the mugs that get slugged

Then of course there was the match last night that the whole of Australia sits on the edge of their seats for. It doesnt happen often and usually there is a clear favorite with a distinctive coloured jersey. It wasnt a great match but by the end of it there was a surprise winner! Yes  Parramatta beat the Panthers. Elsewhere in the city some wallabies beat some team from across the ditch with a patchy record at best. The Bledisloe cup is odd to say the least – how can you have a best of two series?? Once u win the thing its very hard to lose so when we travel to Land of Long White Cloud to play reverse “Game played in Heaven with Rules designed in Hell”, the kiwis will win and another year passes of what ifs and coulda beens. But back to the real game of footy aka NRL. Its a year when only a sheila could win the local tipping contest because form means nothing. Get the darts out or go for the old favourite theme of big animal always beats little animal. You know, Panther V Eel, Bronco V Bulldog……. hmm ok I give up.

Speaking of sheilas at least they know how to win. Forget cricket, how about those Netballers! And lets be honest they are our only hope in the dive in and dont sink caper in the wet stuff come Olympics and World Champs. And of course Tomic is clearly our best tennis player. Everywhere you look the girls are our only hope. Lets face it if one of them hadnt slipped a roofy into an apple all those years ago where would we be? And all from one rib. Imagine if he had used a femur ?

Apart from Adam falling over at regular intervals the world would be a different place eh.

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