flashman181

The Masters of Merriment – Roy and HG – dubbed Ian Baker Finch The Dark Shark in that wonderful Aussie way of mixing praise and derision in equal measure. The original GWS aka Greg Norman is likely the most famous, if not necessarily most accomplished, Aussie golfer of all time. Certainly the most talented and what he did, or didnt do, with that talent is the source for most ridicule. He also was a massive influence on the generation of Aussie golfers to follow especially Adam Scott. Much like how the WAGS lost us The Ashes it is clear that Mrs Scott and Scott Junior have similarly killed of Scotty’s career. God knows what he will do when he has to ditch the broomstick – or at least give it back to his wife 🙂 Having just spent a lovely weekend with the Flashman Five I do understand how younguns can distract one. They say any good golfer can win a Major but you have to be better than good to be a multiple winner. Of course the one tag you dont want is “best golfer to never win a Major” and this rotates around the usual suspects year after year. I do prefer the “How the hell did he ever win a Major” personally but the original is more fun. So every new Aussie star on the horizon is inevitably compared to GWS but no one has risen to his stature in the game. If you were to construct the supreme golfer of the Aussie variety you would take the course management of Peter Thomsen, driving of GWS, iron play of Scotty and putting stroke of IBF. This was of course when these players had their A Game and before IBF went wandering off into the bunda every second shot. Then Jason Day emerged and lo and behold if he doesnt just about match all those categories himself with the possible exception of course management which he may still learn one hopes. He is amazeballs long of the tee, high straight iron shots, great bunker play and a supreme putter. The last one cannot be underestimated – just ask Scotty and Sharkie!

His record in Majors before today is also rather amazing with a string of close finishes and 9 previous Top 10s. Of course when the “close finishes” start to pile up then the dreaded word “choker” will appear rather than “damn he is consistently good”. He had a handy, but not winning” lead before last round today of 2015 PGA at Whistling Straits GC on Lake Michigan – a stunning course to say the least. Of most concern was his nearest follower was the always dangerous Jordan Spieth who already had two Major wins this year. The turning point was probably the 9th when after a massive drive he hit a 100 yd shot 50 yds inexplicably. However he then proceeded to get up and down while Spieth bogeyed giving a handy lead for the back nine. So, he has finally reached the pinnacle his talent richly deserves and one can only hope from this lofty height his Vertigo does not kick in again! At 27 yrs of age he now has the chance to ice the cake and join the McIlroys and Spieths of the world rather than the one hit wonders like YE Yang! With his distance of the tee combined with that putting stroke the sky may well be the limit. He will never have the charisma of Sharkie but then he will likely only have one wife too eh. Speaking of which WTF was that Evert scene in the movie Trainwreck – talk about following the title to the letter!

In other sporting news I only have one question. Why has no one thought of putting our netballers in the Line Outs against the All Blacks. They are tall, can jump, and know how to beat kiwis! Broncs look good, Hayne going well, Kyrgios is an assclown – yep not a lot else changed

Having spent a lovely couple of days with Flashman Five I have nothing to moan about on this Monday but…….. been a bit of bad press lately for Uber and I have never used them so dont know the deal but I did use a Taxi on Saturday night in Brisvegas. Celebrating with CLP in Riverside and then caught a taxi home to Windsor. This is not far – as in barely got the seat belt done up when he had his hand out. Given there is almost $5 on the meter even when u open the door at a rank it soon adds up but really $21 for that distance! We really get ripped off here in Aussie land and that is why companies like Uber spring up , good or bad.

But lets not worry about these things now when there are so many pleasant memories from the weekend

And can he take his bitch Warnie with him please!

So the greatest certainty since Sticky the Stick Inset got Stuck on a Sticky Bun is finally over. Now Puppy may not know his way around a batting crease but he does with a media circus. He fell on his own sword…….. and still only nicked it!! My practicing religion is Cynicism so lets look at the timing of his departure. The final 3 dayer will now be his last test match and that will be all that matters. There will be more praise flowing than a margarine convention on a hot day because while we love to cut down tall poppies we still love to throw a bit more fertiliser on their dying roots. Only one real question remains – can he score more runs in his final dig than the similar cement boot clad Punter did? (Memo to selectors no more nicknames starting with “P” for Aussie test captains please). His form this series has been bad but really for the last couple of years it has been up and down like a Nun in a cucumber patch (thanks Dabear!) and there could be a tinge of sadness that a once dominant batsmen ends up on the wrong side of 50, test batting average wise. That is one of those magical numbers that defines true greatness. Its not all doom and gloom of course because clearly the only reason that the Poms won this series was because of the Aussie coach they have! Which brings us to the burning question – can someone please detail what the KSCs are for the job of Aussie batting coach. Di Venuto?? Sounds like an italian ice cream that melts on exposure to air. Its like having Tony Abbott as Minister for Womens Affairs. Ha Ha , good one eh. What??? You have to be joking…. Lordy Lordy, take me now. Under all this jocularity though is a serious question facing the game’s administrators. How do you pay Watto 4 million a year to stand in dressing rooms shirtless when you are only getting 3 days of gate takings! A standard ticket for the Edgbaston test match was 90 quid which I think is $3,275 AU. It will always be the mugs that get slugged

Then of course there was the match last night that the whole of Australia sits on the edge of their seats for. It doesnt happen often and usually there is a clear favorite with a distinctive coloured jersey. It wasnt a great match but by the end of it there was a surprise winner! Yes  Parramatta beat the Panthers. Elsewhere in the city some wallabies beat some team from across the ditch with a patchy record at best. The Bledisloe cup is odd to say the least – how can you have a best of two series?? Once u win the thing its very hard to lose so when we travel to Land of Long White Cloud to play reverse “Game played in Heaven with Rules designed in Hell”, the kiwis will win and another year passes of what ifs and coulda beens. But back to the real game of footy aka NRL. Its a year when only a sheila could win the local tipping contest because form means nothing. Get the darts out or go for the old favourite theme of big animal always beats little animal. You know, Panther V Eel, Bronco V Bulldog……. hmm ok I give up.

Speaking of sheilas at least they know how to win. Forget cricket, how about those Netballers! And lets be honest they are our only hope in the dive in and dont sink caper in the wet stuff come Olympics and World Champs. And of course Tomic is clearly our best tennis player. Everywhere you look the girls are our only hope. Lets face it if one of them hadnt slipped a roofy into an apple all those years ago where would we be? And all from one rib. Imagine if he had used a femur ?

Apart from Adam falling over at regular intervals the world would be a different place eh.

Where to start?? Maybe with a couple of Tossers before a ball was missed in ignorance

Warnie is a tosser whenever he does anything but sit down(offscreen) with a microphone and actually talk cricket so it was no surprise to see his awkward leering at the boot clod young lady trying to sing Jerusalem before start of play. But King tosser of course was Cook of the Not James variety. As said in previous media commitments the toss is usually very important and we all know this so dont need this beanpole coming out with crap like “it doesnt really matter it all depends who plays the best” . How come you couldnt bend down to get the coin because you had barred up after winning it?? Cricket 101 is win the toss and bat. Rider 101 , subset “Convicts”, Paragraph “Overpaid Wankers in White” reads “of course unless playing the Aussies in England”. This at least gave us the chance to grab a rare insight into the thinking of Puppy after a hard week. “What would you have done Champ if you had won the toss?” Mumble, mumble “Doesnt matter we didnt win”. Wow, riveting TV. I tell you what doesnt matter and that is where u bat in the order because ya better get your pads on now!

The sun was out now because it was 5 minutes later and now the commentators were thinking ” well this could backfire on Cook”. Collectively the masses back home sat glued to the TV waiting for our men to show some ticker and get through the first hour. Then something terrible happened. Yes England bowled the first ball. From there it was a steady procession of clowns that should all get into one of those ridiculously small cars and drive into the Thames. Mind you with their sense of direction they would probably miss. It was a smart move by Pup though to wear a black armband in memory of his dead captaincy. Sadly he also had three wrapped around his ankles it appears as he couldnt move his feet. Buck played an average shot, Smith tried to be aggressive, Warner got a great ball, Voges a great catch yada yada yada. But the worst really was our Captain. A streaky 4 followed by a skied pull shot even had Bronwyn thinking this goose cant last. But really the icing on the cake was the dismissal shot – could you ever imaging AB playing a shot like that in these circumstances, or even Waugh? Remember the great tribute to Hughes with the “Leave your bat out” campaign. The Aussie cricketers should leave their match payment outside the hotel in a campaign we could call “Leave the fucking ball outside the off stump alone you braindead muppet”. Or something. Bring back Watto, at least we would have an LBW rather than all of these catches behind the wicket!

So the Ashes are gone. I went to bed but apparently you could actually score runs on that pitch and the record I like is that Root scored the first century in Ashes history in a second innings on a first day. Think about that. You win the toss and are bowling – and at stumps you have also scored a century. If he didnt get one that night he just may be a virgin. Of course it also highlighted another odd decision – replace an allrounder with a batsman who invariably fails at this level. So basically defending 60, we were already a bowler short. You cant make this stuff up

Of course we all know, in two years time the Poms will come out and get skittled and the media will say the Aussie side is on the rise again. Its like Politics – if Labor were to win next election it is because Abbott was voted out. No one has fallen under the spell of Bill Curly suddenly. Test matches are not won anymore , they are lost by the other team.

And no one can lose a test match as quickly as this current mob. Seriously does anyone prebuy tickets to day 4 of test match anymore ? They should at least plan a couple of 20/20 matches for days 4 and 5. Hell, our batsmen may as well wear the coloured gear for the test matches and at least save some laundering.

Its a strange world when you think the Aussies have more chance of winning the Bledisloe Cup this year than an Ashes series in England.

Wait a minute…….. doesn’t Folau bat number 4 and bowl slow offies ??

Well what a night lay ahead – SOO decider and the first day of the Ashes. One big question remained. Which Aussie cricketer would Liz Hayes do a hatchet job on the day of the match ? As usual Channel 9 had the monopoly on broadcast which did lead to an interesting contrast. Which long drawn out pre match nonsense would bore you to tears first ? It was a draw really although the cross to Heals and Tubs with red and blue scarves on was hard to beat for cringe me now material. The cricket started fist by a bee’s dick so lets go there now

There is nothing better in Test Cricket then the first session on the first day of the first test of the Ashes series. Sadly we were in Cardiff and playing in the car park it appeared. The first 3 balls of Starc’s first over bounced three times before Haddin could even drop them. They were nowhere near the actual stumps so the batsman was safe. Mitch was getting some new ink so they opened with Hazelwood and he was more impressive. Sadly now, SOO was about to start so missed the first wicket live but saw the replay and then Cook’s wicket later on. Someone who looks a lot like Ian Bell but batted like Ian Thorpe ( Note: Interesting fact. Though Bigfoot is an accomplished cricketer he has never bowled a maiden over) came and went quickly and is no longer the threat he once was. Then Rooty comes out , scratches around knicks the ball and the rout is on. Then Haddin drops it. Some say it was a tough catch, I say he made it look harder than it was by going with one hand. To be fair, the ball was not carrying through well. The rout was off, boredom set in and the match is rather evenly poised although to be honest would prefer to be in England’s shoes. As stated in other media commitments ( not bloody 60 Minutes!) it was a dead flat trick but can we at least agree that the much vaunted Aussie pace attack (“Spoilt for Choice – Who do we leave out??”) are not The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse but rather a good pace attack than can be a handful when conditions suit. For God’s sake, Warnie get over there and start bagging Starc will ya

So speaking of overrated sportsmen put your hand up if ya got sick and tired of hearing in the last month how Klemmer was the love spawn of Artie Beetson and Steve Roach who just had a blood transfusion from Mark Geyer. The blues biased media just loved him including respected folk like Paul Kent. Seriously they and a lot of many other good judges thought a Blues Dynasty was just around the corner especially with Blake Carrington in as skipper. You know the guy who use to play for Cronulla but now only plays rep matches.
They even got Alexis back as the hooker – talk about type casting. The Farrah fun and games may have even backfired on them but by all means exploit the rules if you can – Qld have in the past. Being an avid Maroon supporter can be hard especially when they are capable of a performance like last night at times. NSW were simply blown of the field with enthusiastic and hard defense and strong running behind cool calm heads like Smith and Cronk and the sheer brilliance of JT. Who else agrees we dont need Billy ? Chambers looked much better at centres and Gagai impressed. GI was dangerous at the back as expected and Parker always a threat. Hodges had a great last game highlighted by a lot of nothing runs and a couple of touches of brilliance. Pretty well his stock game these days. You really need to sit down and watch the game again without the hype and tension to really appreciate what someone like Smith does. And the icing on the cake is JTs mecurial kicking. You could almost feel sorry for the Blues or at least Loz. For the previous 5 matches they could have won them all and this could have been a dead match. Instead some Blues Origin careers are over you would think and they have to climb the mountain again knowing that the bulk of the Qld side will be around for a couple more years and can still put on a stellar performance like last night when needed. It was Big Mal’s birthday but it did seem odd that he carried around a big cake under his shirt at training all week just in case. The boy has been in a good paddock. Which of course reminds us all once more what a brilliant stadium Lang Park is.

SOO is over for another year and the world has returned to normal. Better still, one less show that requires the dial set on 9.Yes my TV still has a dial and rabbit ears.

Strangely it still picks up HBO

Two sporting stories have taken over most of the news in the last 24-36 hrs and of course the media added the icing as always

While most people of Greek Heritage were saying “No”, Nick Kyrgios preferred much more colorful language. It is one thing to swear at the umpire but then in some lame press conference mea culpa ,no doubt suggested by his “team” , he insisted the “dirty scum” comment was aimed at himself. Yeah sure. Still he is a Playa (not a Player like most) so no doubt some Aussie fans still swooned at his backhand or his drop shot. We love to chop down the tall poppies but he is hardly there yet so lets keep pumping him up. Aussies like their sporting heroes to have character afterall eh Warnie. But then he goes on to play the cheese-eating surrender monkey and does the one thing no true Aussie can accept – he tanked it. Little Ley Ley was an obnoxious brat with the best of them at first but he slowly matured and more importantly always showed ticker – and would never walk away from Davis Cup even to go to the toilet with his Sorbent. I tend to compare the behaviour of most sportspeople to golfers which may or may not be fair but it is interesting. There are many similarities, not the least being megarich at a young age and they are individual sports. Golf though is renowned for its honour, respect for tradition and sportsmanship and even your backyard hacker plays within these self imposed rules because that is the game you choose. It is afterall one of the easiest games in the world to cheat at and maybe there in lies the secret. The other interesting comparison is that in tennis it appears that most tournaments are won by one of the top 3-4 players in the event. Maybe seeding plays a part in this. In golf it is not unusual for the 50th ranked player in the world to win in a given event against the best in the world. In fact one day the 256th ranked player could win – if Tiger can improve his driving! So really, saying that Kyrgios is a top 30 ranked player doesnt mean that much to moi. Now as much as I loathe the actions of Kyrgios , Dawn Fraser should just shut up. What a stupid comment to make. Nick is not alone of course but I cant really call Tomic a top ranked player and keep a straight face. Only time will tell if these clowns can mature but sadly I doubt it will happen because there are simply to many yes men around them. And the money keeps rolling in

Then we get to 60 minutes and the Cam Smith story. Oh, you thought it was about Alex ? Come on, this is channel 9. Ok have not watched the show – simply refuse to watch anything on 9 that is not sport or the odd news report – but have seen some clips. No one would deny Alex the chance to make some money (a book is on the way) or to be an angry young man. So, have no real problem with him being pissed off at Cammy who it must be admitted does not look good arguing with the ref at the time. He has always had the squeaky clean image off the field but is less well regarded from other players for some on field niggle and cheap shots. The annoying aspects though are a)the timing 3 days before one of the more important SOOs in recent years and b) Channel 9 treating their own story as NEWS! Seriously, it was the 3rd story on the news at 6pm! The cynic in me, who to be fair has been getting a lot of time lately, would suggest the timing was deliberate even with the pending book release and it is my understanding that the Rise for Alex round is not until Round 19 later in the month. Showing it next Sunday would have been perfect lead in – but of course after SOO 3 when eyelash boy simply returns to being Storm skipper and occasional shaver. Media interest would have dropped by 50% and we all know the media is run by NSW 🙂 It would appear by all reports that Storm management/players (? Smith) regularly tried to contact Alex in the weeks after. For a complete story, Smith’s side of events should have been given air or at least acknowledged. But that is not how 60 minutes works of course. Their response? “This was Alex’s story so no need to contact Smith. The facts of the story are not in dispute” .Facts???? On Channel 9! Give me a break. It was a clear set up for maximum impact. Conspiracy theorists revel in these yarns but at the end of the day their underhanded dealing and presentation of the story has detracted from what is an amazing and inspirational tale. People should be caring about how Alex will fare in the future, not whether Smith did this or that after the event

Rarely does a week pass when the media doesnt not piss me off in some way so while on my fave subject why is that whenever a media “personality” takes a break it has to be described as a “well earnt break” ? Who gives a crap. Do we really think Ray Hadlee only works 3 hours a day? Nope. Do they ever report on the news that “the shark attack victim could not be saved because the Vascular Surgeon was having a well earnt break”. No, because another surgeon steps in and no one cares. Of course if the PM (of either persausion) is on a rare holiday when something important happens then they are very quick to suggest he should come back to work. Well, I will give you a leave pass Hadlee, Jones, Stefanovic et al. Stay on holidays. No one cares.

I hear Greece is very reasonable this time of year

Two big events this week and as always the end product pleases and pisses off in equal measure usually

First up was the Season 5 finale of Games of Thrones. Spoilers naturally. The recent trend of the best episodes of a season being the couple just before the finale continued and most of the finale was one big tease – and a sleepy dragon. Someone said Jon Snow died at the end but the way Harrington acts I thought he died in Season 3? I dont read the books but understand GRR has not written the next book (?) which is becoming less of an issue with the apparent deviations anyway. There were certainly some odd things though

1. Sansa and friend jump from an uncertain height to an uncertain conclusion
2. Did Blondie kill Stannis and if so why not show it – usually do
3. Apparently the best way to tell when the body double was in shot on walk of shame was because she has bigger boobs than Lena?
4. Drogon needed a kip after a long flight ?
5. Did Jon Snow die? Didnt the interwebby explode after that one.

So all in all it was an average finale to a pretty good, but not great, season. There were some memorable scenes in Episodes 8 and 9 and these are what bring the fans back. The story continues to progress but at a somewhat glacial speed.

Next up was SOO 2 at the MCG. For once , NSW got the rub of the green and it is all yesterday’s fish and chip wrapping now. But some things require discussion and the main issue , as highlighted previously by Kenty et al, is the on field decision by the ref before sending it up. (On a side note there was talk this week that KFC require a certain number of video referrals as part of their sponsorship. Likely untrue, but not incomprehensible is this day and age). So rather than whining about the Morris try awarded or the Inglis one not, the pertinent fact to remember is that the ref awarded both ergo there needs to be conclusive evidence to overturn. There wasnt on the first one, fair enough. Hardly on the second either ? Of course the bluebags say that the “forward” pass was not forward minutes before but most, including Channel 9, focus on the wrong pass in question – it was the one prior to the last! At the end of the day the better team won so move on but one thing is clear – DCE is an overpaid dud. Had to tackle too much Mal? Didn’t seem to affect JT’s input. JT was the standout for moi with Inglis a close second and finally getting involved. Smith and Slater had quieter games. Hodges couldnt handle Jennings and Chambers was tres ordinary. And can someone please get Cam the Eyelash Boy a tissue so he stops picking his nose at the press conference! NSW looked more dangerous with the ball as they invariably do year after year. While an avid Qld supporter one quickly moves on – after all who can hate Loz? However, the very biased media will be a pain now for a few weeks. NSW were very good losers – after all the practice – but not such good winners, especially their supporters.

Still, much like taking the game to Victoria so they could boo during a minutes silence for a true legend the clowns that run the game have what they always wanted. A guaranteed sell out for Game 3 and 3 more weeks of media hype while the actual NRL competition and associated fans suffer

But the money rolls in