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Monday Musings of the Sporting Variety

Posted: February 17, 2014 in Sport

So are The Aussies that good or are the Saffers an ageing team on the downslide? Bit of both methinks. Moustache Mitch has shown he is no one series wonder – the most impressive thing is he just so much smarter these days. Throws in wide balls(intentionally!), slow balls etc. Warner plays his luck, Doolan looks technically good, March knows what to leave. Rogers may struggle. Pups captaincy continues to shine. I suspect the second test will be a lot closer. No use Smith blaming the pitch – he won the toss! De Villiers is all class. Smith looked solid in second innings and was out to a brilliant catch. Rhino is struggling a bit for penetration – arent we all? – but is a class act and Larry, The Moe and Curly still hunt as a pack. We should win the series but expect next two to be more of a contest. If not than SAF is gone and needs to start rebuilding

Auckland Nines? Good fun for shits and giggles but means bugger all for the real stuff. What it does show is there a lot of big fast young guys not quite up to the real deal who we may never see again this year but damn they look good for 18 minutes. And Freddy was almost chased down by a front rower with a bung hip. Give it away Freddy. As a Bronco fan , still see more to like about Hoffman than Barber but cant see us keeping him. Corey Parker continues to shine.

Winter Olympics? Couldnt care less except it has bought back Roy and HG to our screens. I love technology. It only took about 5 minutes scouring the net to work out how to download the Ice Stream to watch at my leisure. Some events are interesting enough but if an Aussie cant win who really cares which really white person wins

Bubba wins again and actually remains calm under pressure. In fact he didnt even bawl as usual on the 18th green. Always fun to watch this California swing is with some classic courses – none better than Pebble Beach last week. Still some big names not playing but who cares really , its the contest we hackers enjoy. Especially when someone misses a 3 foot putt just like we do! The Funnel hung in for another win as well, always good to see.

And on a non sports related matter it would be nice to see the snow storms stop in NYC as will be there in a smidge over 12 months form now. Running through the rather excellent House of Cards season 2 does make one yearn a bit for Washington too I must say. Second city currently a toss up between Philadelphia and Washington – watch this space. Or not

Dinner for Eight

Posted: February 5, 2014 in TV

You didnt have to like Kerry Packer to like Kerry Packer. He was gruff and aloof – as if these are bad things! – but he didnt suffer fools and that included tax commissioners and Journalists. Like Paul K you didnt have to agree with everything they said but damn it was enjoyable listening to them say it. One memorable act of course was to ring up during the show and cancel Doug Mulrays Naughty Home Videos. Yes he was no doubt a bit prudish but he also recognised crap TV when he saw it. Which makes me wonder how he would feel about the current state of TV on his beloved Channel 9?

There is so much rubbish on at present that to single one out would be unfair but lets concentrate on two aspects which are linked anyway. The shameless promotion of their shows is one thing and really not sure having Slats outline the brilliance of The Block during the Cricket would win too many more fans. Lets face it if you watch that then you are not particularly choosy to start with. But the promotion of a story that will be aired separately in it own timeslot is simply pathetic. It was subtle to start with – “catch more about Lara Bingle’s inability to smile on Tonights 60 Minutes” but the recent nonsense with Shapeless Corby is simply deplorable. Having a Telemovie in the can ready to go is not justification to make her “possible release in the fullness of time” the lead story ya clowns! Not when you should have a reporter out 24/7 combing the streets looking for Thorpie! (Anyone else notice how nice his long time friend was?). Now yes those amongst you that think you are clever, but as yet unconfirmed by anything you actually say, would suggest well switch it off, change channels yada yada yada. But that is not the point. As we old age pensioners know routine is critical to existence like remembering to breathe in after you have breathed out. The 6 pm nightly news has been a fixture in my life for 50 years. Is it too much to ask that with 24 hrs in the day we can get some actual news and sport in 20 mins of it. Yes, correct you can shove your useless weather report up your ass. Its not as if we dont have enough fluff news already decorated as Today shows and the like. It is a sad state of affairs when pathetic TV continues to be produced because it rates well which simply is a reflection on the general intelligence level of the great unwashed. But then we see that every Election dont we.

Now some may think this is a Monday Moan cleverly disguised. And when I care what you think I will get back to you. But really there is logic behind the title. Use to be this game on TV before the news back in 1977. Pick you favorite dinner table of 8 if u could have anyone dead or alive. So here goes – see if u can follow the seque

Kerry Packer – just keep the food away from his reach
Paul Keating – of course, to control the rabble
Tina Fey – on my lap naturally
Chapelli – locker room yarns
Louis CK – for shits and giggles
Clunk Eastwood – to make me look younger
Elizabeth Banks – keep Tina on her game
Me

Not only am I best looking and smartest in that group but also the poorest.

Now there is an obvious omission but that is because I would keep him all to myself in a totally heterosexual way – Muhammad Ali.

Back when he could actually speak of course

Tuesday Tripping

Posted: February 4, 2014 in Midlife Crisis in Maryhole

Monday Moaning has had its time. Most things never change so they are old news. Somethings u simply change yourself – eg dont even bother with Maccas Drive Through at Gimpland. Stop, get out and get a better coffee anyway. And get some exercise

So what does a Tuesday bring us? Been a big week of sport for starters

Its coming out pretty well for Starc and he should just stick to Twenty Twenty cricket methinks. Great to see the Bear get another go and do well. Maxwell is fun but must be frustrating at times. Bailey can smash it when needed and some young guys like Lynn and Cutting show a bright future. England? Who cares really but it does demonstrate what we have always known – even the most gifted sportsmen are still human with human frailties. Factor in that most are not the sharpest tools in the box then once the slide starts its hard to stop. But damn it is fun to watch

Speaking of Poms going downhill fast how about the big wave rider over in Portugal – the first place I always think of when they say big waves. Really brave or really stupid is debatable but the guy who rides them in on the jet ski never seems to get a lot of credit – that seems rather dangerous in itself to moi

Super Bowl swamps most sports coverage and good luck to them but you will never catch me watching it in full. It is Yank excess in all its glory. Unexpected score line and a sad endpoint for Manning but thats sports folks. Some great golf too on two continents. Interesting as well with both courses on display both an oasis in the middle of desert which makes for some stunning images. The 16th hole at Phoenix of course has Yank Wank on full blast but those last 4 holes is one of the most exciting finishing stretches in golf. Stadler missed about 4 putts that should have sealed it and of course Bubba only has one way to play. Like Phil on steroids. With personality. At least Stads can look at Mum and know she never cheated on the old Walrus?

Which segues into some celebrity discussion.

Rowan Farrow? Yep he is Woodys son for sure! Did like his tweet though.

The Seinfeld “reunion” promised a lot but delivered little – but then it always was a show about nothing. And of course it should have been a Chrysler Le Baron.

Thorpie? Odd story to be found wandering around in the early am near parent’s house. Manager found out big time with his initial lame cover up. Hard for Joe Average to understand how he could slip when he had so much but then it is a disease. Not sure it is leading news item though which simply keeps the circle going

Which brings us to the sad news for the week – the passing on Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Another complex story that is hard to understand from the outside looking in. Lets just acknowledge it is a great loss to the world of acting. But nothing compared to the loss for his children

Flash on Foot Getting Coffee

Posted: January 30, 2014 in Travel

Several years ago CLP and I did the Monopoly walk in London – as you do. It was unique and fun. And Old Kent Road was a bitch to find! Many cities would have similar attractions I am sure so lets come up with something new for next year while freezing in NYC in February.

One of my fave web shows is Seinfelds “Comedians in Cars getting Coffee”. Not only does he invariably have great guests but he also travels around NYC having coffee. So the idea was planted. Next year try and visit as many coffee joints in NYC that Jerry has been to with guests. To be fair, this was really hatched while watching latest episode with my Tina. The chance that I may get to sit in the same seat as Tina is simply mind blowing. And strangely erotic. So now we have the Ansel Bakery (with Cronut!)on the list and also Floridita in Harlem. As my Tina says “The only reward for anything is Food”. Another advantage is I have a rough idea where Tina lives and have 10 days to spot her and give her my autograph.

Now to track back through previous episodes for Louis CK, Larry David etc. Of course none of this guarantees a good coffee – it is USA after all. Sometimes you just have to accept a brush with celebrity as your fix for the day and leave the caffeine for the desperate and lonely – you know, people without the internet.

The beauty of returning to favorite cities is discovering new ways to enjoy them

That is actually an original quote. Or subliminally planted. Feel free to requote and see what happens

Forget Paris, I’ll take New York

Posted: January 20, 2014 in Travel

Going to be a busy year Travel wise. As they all should be.

Europe 2013 “A Second Crack” is at the well advanced stage. Flights booked – including some BC natch – hotels mostly booked, a train here a donkey ride there and before you know it all you have to do is find the money. Now a central point to all this is the CLP 55th Birthday. Yes I surprised too, had her pegged for 64 at least. Adequate planning has assured it will take place in the City of Love – Chernobyl. Oops wrong Itinerary. Paris of course. It is a city you can return to often and we have been lucky enough to do this. Pity it is full of French folk. If I can be persuaded I only need one kidney in my dotage then there may even be a fancy meal at Le Jules Verne in the Eiffel Tower to ice the deal so to speak. From there we will also venture onto Barcelona, Berlin and Copenhagen along with some driving through the French countryside and a casual few days in northern Italy. Will be a blast and much anticipated. Be good to have someone else to carry the luggage around for me.

Which of course brings up the allure of solo travelling again. The Chicago/San Fran experiment worked a treat and even sated the wanderlust for about two months but it always returns. The question then becomes where to this time? And of course what time of year? The lure of cool weather is hard to resist when sitting in Maryhole @ 36 degrees day after day.

Most “Great Cities of the World” quizzes would regularly include 2 cities in any top 5 – Paris and New York. Have been lucky enough to have spent two weeks with CLP in NYC a few years ago but as anyone who has been there knows that barely scratches the surface. So the seed was planted for NYC 2015 – My Balls Drop. Most of you would be aware of the famous Times Square Ball Drop that occurs every New Year and while a white Xmas has a certain appeal there are also a lot of travel related issues around that time in NYC. And the place is full of bloody tourists! So have pushed back to February which will still be chilly enough to warrant the humorous theme and get to celebrate my birthday next year in NYC. Surrounded by all my friends. Zero degrees, Zero Friends – win win. CLP thinks its a bad time to travel there. When quizzed further as to why her reply was couldnt you go this year instead already! Of course she believes the prime attraction of solo travel for me is to write more blogs – and she just may be onto something there 🙂

So an apartment has been chosen and deposit put down – so I cant change my mind when I come to my senses. Or the Aussie $ plummets. 10 days in NYC but if you are going to spend 40 hrs in the air you need a second city as well for a few days and hopefully something new to enrich the experience. Have seen Washington, Chicago, Boston, LA and San Francisco.

Current contenders are

Dallas – can fly home from there, shoot JR again.
Philadelphia – an easy train ride from NYC, punch Rocky out
Las Vegas – something different, probably get discovered and get a one man show on The Strip and never return

Luckily there is plenty of time to decide that second city. Feel free to throw in any suggestions peoples.

People do read these blogs right??

Monday Moan – Time to Get Mean in 2014

Posted: January 5, 2014 in Midlife Crisis in Maryhole

People who mow at 0700 just because it is hot. Oh, that was me . Carry on.

Easy to moan about the heat but its miserable for most. But it does lead me into my current pet hate.

Cats. But thats another story

No it is Channel Nine. Kerry would be rolling in his grave, not that he was ever big on exercise. When did Channel Nine become an extended version of The View?

I use to watch The Today Show in the morning before work back when I had a job. You know, before Federation. Quick news and sport update from night before. Never riveting stuff but mildly informative. Now its about the “media stars” and any actual news is incidental if it does not involve a Channel Nine star, show or sport being televised . Ok scrap it – I am master of my remote – and just watch the “National Nine News Qld Edition at 6 pm” – just before bed. I blame the letter “Y”. We have Lofty passing over to Wally passing over to Gary. And this is the A Team – heaven help us when the Xmas crew comes in. The current sports presenter “Tom” looks like he just walked of the set of Frontline – he can not be serious. He must practice that fake smile in front of the mirror every morning for hours. And it is the Brisbane news anyway so when Clown 1 says to Clown 2 ” nice bit of rain today” it means SFA to us in Maryhole where the last rain was when the Poms won a cricket match. Which brings us to the cricket coverage. Poor Kerry

The Pathetic Pinnacle was the pre game lead in yesterday where we had the Pink Prancing clowns trying to display how difficult it was to see whether a ball actually carried into the glove. In this age of technology the set up was hidden by a piece of paper. It was hopeless and sadly reflective of the vaudeville nonsense that passes for sport commentary these days where once again it is more important to show the “personality” of a goose like Slats. Now the Pink Test is a wonderful innovation and all praise to it and the way everyone supports it including pink blazers. No problem, although noted with interest that Chapelli did not wear one. But it only lasted 3 days. Cricket administrators are tearing their hair out at the lost revenue through the gates. Simple solution. When the Pink Test finishes in three days due to the incompetence of the touring side, the Brown Test swings into action. This is in support of Prostate Cancer and is held in Alice Springs against the Indigenous Invitational 11. Send the Poms back there for a couple more days and see how much better they play. Instead of $1000 for every six there would be $1000 every time the Umpire has to put his finger up. Only fitting really. There would be a lot of declarations and would be a quick match. You know it makes sense

And to finish on a local issue. Woolies finally reopened and it seems fine and dandy. Not so sure about the carousel plastic bag set up though – very easy to walk away and leave one behind. Then one would be pissed off. Its bad enough to have to mingle with the great unwashed once a week – but to have to go back? Doesnt bear thinking about. After all I need to get home quickly

Mornings with Kerri Ann is coming on.

TV 2013 – The Good ,The Bad and Dexter

Posted: December 29, 2013 in Uncategorized

Pretty good year really with solid returns and a couple of newbies that show potential. It was also a year I watched more foreign TV and there really is a treasure trove there folks. So the best for the year, in no particular order except start with the reliables

1. Breaking Bad – Always going to be hard to nail the ending to such a brilliant show but they did rather well

2. Mad Men – simply a solid reliable performer that never disappoints

3. The Good Wife – could just about be my favourite show that doesnt tax the brain but always keeps one interested

4. Misfits – unique and entertaining

Some Newbies that shone

5. Orange is the New Black

6. Masters of Sex

7. Vikings

8. The Americans

And the big losers

9. Homeland Season 3 – some potential early on but then died. If only Carrie had too

10. The Mentalist – specifically the Red John reveal. After 23 seasons a complete joke. The new direction of the show is good though

11. Agents of Shield – major disappointment

12. Dexter Season 8 – simply at a loss to explain that ending

As for some foreign shows?

The Returned – creepy and gripping as only the French can do it

Borgen – great political drama/soap from Denmark

The Bridge – the original and best

And as always some simply brilliant docos. No one does better sport than ESPN 30 for 30

Other notables – Keating, Fruitvale Station, Blackfish

New Year Resolutions 2014 Ver. 1

Posted: December 26, 2013 in Midlife Crisis in Maryhole

Gone too early? Nah, strike while the iron, and weather , is hot!

1. Stop bagging weather forecasters. Accept they are ill informed, overpaid, arrogant clowns and move on with life

2. Better get a life then I guess

3. Become a Pilates Powerhouse to strengthen and support lower back

4. If 3 succeeds then shave 2 -3 shots of golf handicap. And back

5. See a new release movie in an actual cinema

6. Lower fluid intake but increase alcohol % for same overall impact

7. Play less Candy Crush and more Throne Rush

8. Ride Suze a lot more. Suze is a motorbike in case u r confused.

9. Continue to see more of the world and then amuse rest of world with wonderful story telling and pictures

10.Get 3 followers on Twitter. But not Warnie!

A Fergella Festivus

Posted: December 25, 2013 in Events

What a wonderful 6 days. Lets start at the beginning

Day 1 The Hordes arrive

The Della gathering this year was at Flashman Inc , Maplehead. This is sometimes referred to as CLPs house or even The Ponderosa. There are a couple of acres which is very useful for all manner of things – including camping. So The Big Day Out x 3 starts on the Friday. Family drive in from various locations and set up camp for two nights. There were brothers and sisters, sons and even a wife or two on the Della side. My youngest daughter Ranny also arrived on Friday. Now the secret was not to arrive too early as there was work to be done first – digging a trench to connect water from tanks and pump to outside house. The easy part was we had a ditch witch. The hard part were hidden storm water pipes. Remember when it use to rain?? Still I always say if you dont smash at least two pipes when digging in the backyard well you just aint trying hard enough. We tried plenty hard and so a 3-4 hr job became a 6 hr job which meant that first beer went down pretty well. To be honest the 5th didnt taste too bad either. Lucky we had wine to take away the taste. AD had bought a dozen of his finest bottles – I think he actually thought he may get to take one or two home. Ha! So a lovely relaxing BBQ to round out a busy day and somehow stumbled into bed full as a state school hat rack

Day 2 The Family Gathering

A hearty breakfast of sausages and eggs expertly cooked by BC1 was accompanied by our new toy – a Nespresso Coffee Pod machine. It got a flogging trust me. CLP then spent most of the morning preparing the feast while I supervised from a distance. Now the centrepiece of this feast, as previously, was the Turducken. A boned chicken stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey. I know how the duck feels. For lunch we had a couple of ringins with CLP Snr and the Flashman matriach in attendance along with my eldest daughter and her family including of course Handsome Harry. Thus Fergella is born. Couldnt quite get 12 Pipers piping but we had 3 Pipers partying at least. A lovely lunch was had by all and then we get to open presents as well! Sadly then a few attendees had to move on just leaving behind the drunks and freeloaders. At last I felt at home. Dinner was leftovers of course and more wine before the Jenga Tower battle began. As one last present to all I deliberately knocked my tower over to let someone else win. Ok it was bed time – ya got me

Day 3 The Cleanup

Another filling breakfast ensued with bacon replacing sausages this time and a rotation of chef. AD took the tongs and no doubt amused to see his 12 empty bottles of wine lined up behind the BBQ. At least I think that was his amused look. After this calamity struck! The dishwasher wouldnt work! There were some technical directions to follow but at the end of the day just lifting it off the ground 5 cms and dropping it down seemed to do the trick. Then the family started decamping and let me tell you these guys know what they were doing. Everyone was on the road before 0900 and the rest of the day was left to recuperate. It had been a wonderful couple of days

Day 4 Back to Work

But not for me:) Dropped CLP at statio just after 0500 and then caught up on a couple of movies and TV shows and then had to pick her up again at 18:00. No rest for the wicked

Day 5 Toowoomba Beckons

A half day of work for CLP so spent a couple of hours with Mother in Brisvegas before picking up CLP in the city and driving out to Toowoomba for Xmas eve. We stayed at the wonderful Wanulla B&B so after booking in and a rather massive afternoon tea it was off to see Wilbert, Pat the Lad and Ka Ka. Spent a couple of hours playing in the backyard on trampoline et al before a lovely meal with the Family. Ok it was 5:30 pm but that is fine and we do these things when we have small children. Worked out well actually as we were back in the B&B in time to walk up to Queens Park for the amazing city of lights. Then sat through about 20 minutes of Christmas Carols before slitting my wrists – CLP lasted the full 7 hrs. Its her thang

Day 6 Xmas

Did the early visit back to the grandkids to give them their presents and it was a joy. Then it was back for a full breakfast which sort of rounded out 6 days of fine food and drink perfectly. Rounded out my waist a tad too. New Year resolutions just around the corner right? Then the drive back to Maplehead for an afternoon of decompression and relaxation.

It was a magic time with all the ingredients one could wish for at Xmas. Alcohol, Presents, Family, Food, Presents, Alcohol, Presents and more Food and Alcohol

Life is better than good my friends. It is great

The Stomach Churns

Posted: December 17, 2013 in Sport

Yes I am already sick of all the clever word byplay on that simple phrase – the Urn Returns

3 up after 3? Sounds like a normal morning at the Proctologists. But were we brilliant or were the Poms hopeless? Or maybe a bit of both.

Ok just wait while I whip this out. Ah thats better. Time to run the slide rule over our cricketers

Little Davey Warner use to have to sit in the corner. Now he is having regular sex with a hottie he has something to do with himself at night and his batting has improved 300 %. He could always hit the ball but now he knows when to leave them too. Clear mind and a regular draining will do that. Rogers still looks like he should be in Peter Jacksons next epic and is one of those average players being carried along by a winning team but he is solid in batting and more than capable in the field. And he makes Watto look even more handsome. Which is good because Watto’s actual batting has been mostly ordinary except when he wandered in like the school bully and bludgeoned a quick century of a hapless bowling attack a couple of days ago. Now there is undeniable talent there both with bat and ball but oh man what is in that head? His crazy dismissal after the whirlwind century pretty well sums up the enigma wrapped in a riddle that is Watto.

Pup on the other hand continues to shine both as a batsman and captain to the point where probably less than 50% of Aussies dislike him now. That may go back up of course if we have to look at Mrs Pup anymore times after Pup scratches his balls or does something else useful on the field. Pretty sure Channel 9 are grooming her for an on camera roll in the future. There could be a joke there about comparing cracks in pitches but that is way too smutty for this esteemed publication . Smith looks like he should have been at the Pipeline this week but has a certain charm and certainly some talent. He needs to bowl more to cement his place. Haddin of course has been the revelation – superb batting and great keeping. The only two aspects of Matt Priors game letting him down sadly.

The bowlers hunt well as a pack and while the Moustached one grabs most of the headlines he would be first to admit it is a team effort. But Mitch has bowled very well and even with half a brain at times. Harris and Siddle are perfect foils of course – keep things tight with the occasional jaffa. They have strangled the opposition by drying up the runs. Lyon has also shone at times and seems assured of a regular place for many tests to come. Although there could also be a role for him in the next movie The Hobbit Also Turns

As for England? Root looks the goods. Bell is all class. Stokes has potential. Much like previous great sides the rest are probably on the downslide and it will be a tough couple of years cleaning out the debris. Just ask Australia

So the Ashes return to their rightful place which of course fills every Aussie fan with joy.

Why you may ask? Obvious really. Now that the actual cricket is sorted at last we can get down to the most critical question facing Australia cricket followers for decades

Can it be true??

Are Warnie and Liz finally finished?? One can only hope.