The Stomach Churns

Posted: December 17, 2013 in Sport

Yes I am already sick of all the clever word byplay on that simple phrase – the Urn Returns

3 up after 3? Sounds like a normal morning at the Proctologists. But were we brilliant or were the Poms hopeless? Or maybe a bit of both.

Ok just wait while I whip this out. Ah thats better. Time to run the slide rule over our cricketers

Little Davey Warner use to have to sit in the corner. Now he is having regular sex with a hottie he has something to do with himself at night and his batting has improved 300 %. He could always hit the ball but now he knows when to leave them too. Clear mind and a regular draining will do that. Rogers still looks like he should be in Peter Jacksons next epic and is one of those average players being carried along by a winning team but he is solid in batting and more than capable in the field. And he makes Watto look even more handsome. Which is good because Watto’s actual batting has been mostly ordinary except when he wandered in like the school bully and bludgeoned a quick century of a hapless bowling attack a couple of days ago. Now there is undeniable talent there both with bat and ball but oh man what is in that head? His crazy dismissal after the whirlwind century pretty well sums up the enigma wrapped in a riddle that is Watto.

Pup on the other hand continues to shine both as a batsman and captain to the point where probably less than 50% of Aussies dislike him now. That may go back up of course if we have to look at Mrs Pup anymore times after Pup scratches his balls or does something else useful on the field. Pretty sure Channel 9 are grooming her for an on camera roll in the future. There could be a joke there about comparing cracks in pitches but that is way too smutty for this esteemed publication . Smith looks like he should have been at the Pipeline this week but has a certain charm and certainly some talent. He needs to bowl more to cement his place. Haddin of course has been the revelation – superb batting and great keeping. The only two aspects of Matt Priors game letting him down sadly.

The bowlers hunt well as a pack and while the Moustached one grabs most of the headlines he would be first to admit it is a team effort. But Mitch has bowled very well and even with half a brain at times. Harris and Siddle are perfect foils of course – keep things tight with the occasional jaffa. They have strangled the opposition by drying up the runs. Lyon has also shone at times and seems assured of a regular place for many tests to come. Although there could also be a role for him in the next movie The Hobbit Also Turns

As for England? Root looks the goods. Bell is all class. Stokes has potential. Much like previous great sides the rest are probably on the downslide and it will be a tough couple of years cleaning out the debris. Just ask Australia

So the Ashes return to their rightful place which of course fills every Aussie fan with joy.

Why you may ask? Obvious really. Now that the actual cricket is sorted at last we can get down to the most critical question facing Australia cricket followers for decades

Can it be true??

Are Warnie and Liz finally finished?? One can only hope.

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