flashman181

Yeah Yeah, a bit late but in my defense , Your Honour, one day is pretty much the same as the next to moi

There were two significant events in USA in the last few days with one being a celebration of a life and the other involving tragic loss. There is a tenuous link and one is always wary with such sensitive matters to trivialise such things. This meme demonstrated one view and the central theme of “muslim” but more importantly highlights the major role that media plays these days in colouring our views. One only needs to watch this weeks Media Watch on ABC to start to comprehend the impact that Facebook for example is having on the news we see

Lets start with the celebration. So much has been written about Ali’s passing and legacy that there is no need to say any more but rather one should look at two eulogies given at his memorial service to wrap this significant period up. I will only share Billy Crystal as thought it was perfect but one should also chase down Bill Clintons as well

By all accounts it was indeed a memorable service of all faiths thus fitting the way Ali transcended the world. Nothing happens these days of course without Trumpy Von Trumpster blowing in. If there is anything worthwhile about twitter it is once it is out there it cant go away so when Trump tweeted after Ali’s passing

Muhammad Ali is dead at 74! A truly great champion and a wonderful guy. He will be missed by all!

it was only a matter of minutes before a previous tweet emerged showing Trump in his true colour – bright orange!

Obama said in his speech that Muslims are our sports heroes. What sport is he talking about, and who? Is Obama profiling?

One of course is reminded of Ali’s perfectly measured response to Trumps initial Muslim rhetoric. In part

“True Muslims know that the ruthless violence of so called Islamic jihadists goes against the very tenets of our religion.

We as Muslims have to stand up to those who use Islam to advance their own personal agenda. ”

This is relevant of course because Ali initially was aligned with the more militant side of Islam before moderating later in life and adopting the true beliefs of the religion.

And so to the tragic events of Orlando. It is far too complex for any quick solution to the issue of gun violence and homeland terrorism but one does shake one’s head that they dont have the collective will to at least address one complicating factor. Gun control. If Sandy Hook didnt do it then in the land where Trump can be the Republican nominee the deaths of 50 people from LGBT community aint going to do it. Australia, and Little Johnny in particular, always come up in these discussions with our own response to Port Arthur and its “apparent success” . Once again this is a simplified review as the two countries are vastly different in gun culture amongst many other things but at least we did something. One can think of telling your young child not to run with scissors. On the first occasion the accident occurs you sweep them up in your arms and simply care for them. By the fifth or sixth time you still sweep them up because that will always be your reaction as a parent but part of you is tempted to give them a clip around the ear and try to knock some sense into them. So nothing will change again and in the meantime social media will be flooded with signs of solidarity when maybe some tuff love is needed. No one suggests there is a simple solution, especially to the lone wolf scenario, but there has to come a time when simply turning the Empire State building or Eiffel Tower into a rainbow is not enough. Does this show of solidarity give any comfort to the families of the victims? I dont know and I hope I never find out. Trump of course made it all about him as usual. John Oliver though was pitch perfect in his opening to his show yesterday and summed up the sadness of the situation but also the knowledge that life – and all its stupidity – must go on

So before moving totally away from Ali, this week saw start of OJ: Made in America from the always excellent 30 for 30 Series. This has “definitive telling of his story” written all over it. The first 90 minutes showed his amazing rise as an NFL star and then his movement into the media world mostly because he was not defined as “being black” and never wanted to be. One could be generous and say he didnt want to be defined by colour which seems fair at the time. Knowing his story better now it seems more likely he was just looking after Numero Uno and doing whatever was needed at the time. It is relevant to Ali because at the time – late 60s – his anti war stance was prominent as was Black Power at Olympics etc and most powerful black athletes including NFL star later turned actor Jim Brown were prominent in the black movement. OJ was not, he was too busy running through airports as the face of Hertz Rent a Car. Comparing Brown and OJ is a worthwile exercise given how the former walked away from NFL to star in The Dirty Dozen but never lost his true identity and “blackness” for want of a better term. The next 4 episodes has one simply licking one’s lips. This is not necessarily a good thing with this wind around mind you

In other TV news The Americans finished on the expected cliffhanger but was generally a low key finale to a superb season. As usual I have no idea about the original source material but Preacher is all kinds of batshit crazy and engaging. GOT fans are crying in their cornflakes as “expert fan theories” are blown out of the water each week. It is the usual slow build until the cataclysmic final episode no doubt but there was a memorable scene this week indeed

Speaking of cataclysms we mostly dodged the ark building caper the other weekend here in Maryhole. The media of course were creaming their jeans at the prospect of a very wet Armageddon here with the pick of the headlines for me being “Tie down your Trampolines” . One can only assume that Maryhole must have the highest “trampoline per household” per capita rate in Australia? As with many weather events there can be sadness and real hardship involved as well as many good folk in NSW no doubt know. Its a strange time of year weather wise with warmish nights and coolish days. If nothing else this can lead to some stunning sunrises and sunsets as I discovered on a couple of early morning drives this past weekend

Climate Change Splimate Mange. It was only 31 degrees yesterday. Coldest Autumn on record. If you took records on top of bloody Mt Etna that is. Trumpy Von Trumpster says it is all a hoax. The hopeful sign for the Democrats is the more confident he gets the more loose his tongue gets. Start winning a few more polls against the female variety Clinton and just sit back and enjoy the show. I expect a Whitlam like approach to his VP choice and just annoint himself that and Secretary of State. Its going to be HUUUUUUGE

My TV watching schedule does not necessarily follow any discernible pattern of actual viewing times as like to save up whole seasons for binge watch. Doctors refer to it as Netflixitis but I refer to it as a more recognisable disease known as early onset Alzheimers. I forget where I read about it , naturally, but I cant follow complex shows if have to wait 7 days between installments. Hell, ad breaks in nightly news throw me. As such I only finished Bates Motel Season 4 this week and it was that old conundrum one faces of it being so good you dont want it to end but you also want to see how it does . This is no spoiler really as everyone who knows anything about the source material knows that Norma is not looking too flash in that window overlooking the hotel while Norman runs the place but with only 5 seasons slated for show Season 4 was going to end predictably. Goodbye Norma Jean you non English Rose. The acting by the two leads is simply superb albeit a bit creepy. Mind you I reckon if that pair can run a motel though so can I eh.

The Americans of course is one show I have to watch each week as too good not too. As long as remember Russkies Bad Yanks Not so Bad I seem able to follow the yarn. The great unwashed of course continue to cream their jeans (sadly adding to said unwashedness) over every single move on GOT while superb shows await. For light relief we always have Mad as Hell and great to see Rake back for a 4th season . Throw in Wentworth close on heels of Janet King and you see that Aussie TV has most bases covered really. I still like watching clips of the US tonight shows like Kimmel but have to say he really lost me with his suckage up of Depp and the whole two dog saga. Its not funny, it is simply ignorant. I am slowly warming to Amber Heard

Speaking of cockheads that get way to much media attention what is the deal with Gorden Tallis ? Yes he was a very good player but that does not make him a good commentator ( did someone say King Wally?) let alone an expert on the game. He is bloody everywhere and now this week his feud with the QT man of Rugby League is headline news. The strangest thing he said, amongst many, was that QTB made Blair captain just to piss HIM off. Ego what ???? I like my podcasts and can only wonder what an actual knowledgeable and thoughtful person like Paul Kent thinks of this idiot stuck in a booth with him for 3 hrs every Sunday afternoon. One thing that is clear now is Broncos will not make the Grand Final this year. Yes you heard it here first fans. Cowboys will and maybe Cronulla or Storm. Broncos have the worst kicking game in the competition including the Jillaroos! They get out enthused every week and the too cool for school attitude will kill them at the business end. Hunt is not a match winner and Milford should be a poster boy for Valium the way he just drifts in and out of the game. Like that little girl when he is good he is very very good but when he is bad he is zzzzzzzzzz They dont use Roberts enough and Nikorima is confused with his role

Lovely end to the week with a celebration of Harry’s 4th birthday at Rainbow Beach yesterday. Now camping is not in my DNA or even RNA which strangely only seems interested in that exhibition thing around August each year. The Pipers were descending from all angles on Inskip Point and I made the rookie mistake of arriving before they had set up. After 30 minutes I was quite happy with my erection (and who wouldnt be after all that time!) and then GPipes tells me that is just the shade cover, the tent is in those 17 bags over there! Anyhoo it was a great spot and when was able to walk down to the secluded beach and swim in simply the bluest and calmest surf I recall it was all worth it. Not to mention a couple of hugs with a couple of cuties. Well, if nubile young women are going to approach me in the water……. oh thats right that was my dream last night.I am of course referring to Harry and Brody. Its a good road down to Rainbow so will have to keep in mind for future excursions remembering of course next time there will be seaweed, bluebottles and fat Pommies in the water no doubt. You can never go back. Great week bookended by great times at Kingaroy/Toowoomba and Rainbow. A reduntiree could get used to this.

CLP sadly is still sick as a dog but her coat is glossy. Could be the “autumn weather ” of course. I never succumbed despite her best efforts so life is strange eh. Sometimes you wash your hair at night and you wake up with Bubonic Plague. And a hairy pillow.

Winter is coming. Actually it has come and gone. Two cool nights were enough to suck this LBD into getting the flanno sheets and PJs out so now we have a sauna at night. Still it was glorious while it lasted especially early in the morning out on the golf course. Speaking of which I now have to relearn the SFM handshake having come into 9, if only momentarily

In other sporting news the field was cleared for Parra to come storming home . And then they tripped over the first hurdle. 12/15 suddenly became 12/14 but suggest they really start worrying when it becomes 9/7 because maths has never been their strong point. Apparently. Barnyard Nodick pulled out early from the Olympics and Australians rejoiced. If only his father had done the same 24 yrs ago. Mind you the Rio Olympics site at present looks like the municipal dump after a heavy downpour so cant expect our millionaire “amateur sportsmen” to risk it just for the glory. Then they have the chance of getting a little prick from something of the small and flying variety and one thing we dont need is any more pricks causing nuisance in our national sporting teams. Golf moves to TPC Sawgrass this weekend with the final 3 holes coming a close second behind Augusta Back 9 as the must see viewing event for the plaid pant clad brigade. Jason had a Day out in round one – yep I can do the corny one liners with the best of them

In TV land Good Wife ended with a slap more than a bang. General consensus was it was not a great series finale but not Dexter bad. A few loose ends left hanging but it was a great 7 season run with some of the best recurring guest characters going around. Locally Stan released their first original with a 6 parter Wolf Creek yarn. It was more a “tough girl” story than the original two movies but a worthy addition to the catalogue and will always applaud Stan and Netflix for original material, especially when a local flavour. Certainly 10 times better than all the reality crap that keeps getting served up as “new programming” I would suggest a crossover show that would be a massive hit. The loser each night on The Bachelor et al has to go on a date with Mick Taylor. To the Outback. One Way. The Americans is currently the best drama on TV and even had a dragon until Martha left 🙂 GOT continues its slooooooooow build for the season. With the third episode HBO indicated they were getting serious about the piracy issue. Luckily your average pirate is a lot smarter than Johnny Depp and certainly less arrogant.

Always looking for an excuse to tap into Ant’s cellar and this weekend we came up with Claude’s Birthday bash. The gang gathered and drank and ate and then drank some more. Started with the Penfolds Bin 389 circa 1997. It was so old that my LFTs were still normal when first bottled. In what was becoming a theme then moved on to the 2000 vintage and then 2006. After 3 bottles I thought I better leave the cellar and actually join the party upstairs or else people may notice. Always up for a laugh with Bruce so we decided to substitute the next offering with a Bowlers Run 2014 Shiraz. Yep I was surprised too as assumed they automatically imploded after 1 year in a bottle. The look on Ant’s face when he took the first mouthful was worth the price of admission. Which was free by the way so do the math – but dont ask the Parra board for help. When he spat the mouthful out over the railing and it landed on the roof of Bruce’s car thus stripping the paint off one could say justice was served I guess.

The rest of the day was a blur but was in bed by 7 pm after a bread roll for dinner. As the old adage goes ” Early to bed and early to rise makes one dull as batshit and not very wise” .May have lost something in the translation. Still, driving home this morning as the sun rose over the horizon was indeed glorious. Once you get past the fog at Gimpland of course. Old Whiskers should get a big vacuum cleaner and just suck up all the fog. Or for that matter all of Gimpland. Just leave the Maccas behind ok . So another weekend comes to and end , not that weekends mean a lot in my life. But something that does took place on Friday which of course was the 13th. Harry had his first disco at Kindy with a spooky theme. Seinfeld sent over some excess puffy shirts and he went as a ghost. Actually an excellent sewing job by Jas was involved #sewimpressed.

BOO

Well I did warn ya

Speaking of a fake Deity worshipped by many, Trumpy Von Trumpster has defied all the critics and naysayers. Yes he kept that wig in place for 12 months. Which is surprising given the amount of hot air emanating a mere 3 inches below and every man with small hands knows that magic number. Like Big Mal will likely find out in a couple of months its not so much that the masses love you but rather they dislike the other guy more. This will of course be a contest between two candidates with the highest “unfavourables” in recent history. Most things are black and white for your average Yank so this is not that surprising. Two critical issues will impact on The Donalds run in my view. His choice of VP and voter turnout. Will the “never Trump” brigade vote for HillBilly or just not turn up? Trump’s unpopularity with women was of course confirmed by lack of endorsement from the Bushs or anything Bush related 🙂 Maybe he should stick to Mexican hairless for next wife ? Many folk, especially offshore, cant accept that DT could ever be elected to President. Did anyone really think Arnie would get the California gig? Now Arnie and DT are similar in a way except you can understand everything DT says – which of course is a big negative to him! That is naturally different to accepting everything he says as fact. In news involving an actual believable POTUS, BO again showed he is the coolest cat in town at the Special Correspondents dinner. Yes it is scripted but the man can deliver a line and gives the sense he could handle the odd heckler or two – that is if the 130 kg SS guy standing off to the side didnt first. My fave putdown of his involved Kendall Jenner given its subtlety and the look on her face.

In TV land finished the 4th season of Vikings and it was very good again although not as good as previous seasons with Ragamuffin wandering around half dazed for most of the season. Line of Duty Season 3 was excellent of course and as with any six pack can be knocked off in one session if dedicated and no life. Tick. Tick. Have held off starting The Americans season 4 as long as humanly possible but finally gave in and not disappointed. Have been catching up on some old Julie Rafter episodes of Halifax FP which certainly shows its age both in the acting and actors. Turning down a young Hughy J?? Come on girl. Does also confirm the long held view that Deborah Lee Furnace is also gay apparently. Movie wise caught the Netflix “production” of Special Correspondents. Gervais is a one trick pony for me and if u like that you wont be disappointed. Norma Bates almost saved it but not quite

Sport has been dominated of course by the slippery Eels. Most seem to think it is fair, I would suggest they got off lightly. The Todster didnt want to see anymore souls destroyed which is ok for fans and maybe even some players but some assholes do need to be destroyed. Watching Choc try and keep a straight face while saying he would fall on his sword for his team mates was fun. I mean the guy would have to be held up by said team mates before he could fall on anything. I was sent out to pasture early for a lot less money but at least could still walk. Well, 9 holes anyway….. The merry go round of which spoilt tennis brat to hate the most took a sharp turn this week when everyone thought Kyrgios was home and hosed but then Tomic flashed down the outside and won by a half head. Which is kinda appropriate. On the local front am approaching a unique and somewhat embarrassing possibility. Have been stroking it quite well lately – golf you naughty folk! – and so handicap is a very respectable 10. For a laugh also play 9 holes on Fridays which has an individual and specific “handicap” system based on whether you win a ball each week in sweepstakes. If u do, drop 2 strokes on handicap; if you dont blow out 1. This afternoon will stand on the first tee with a 9 hole handicap of 9 with a dicky back from hand raking bunkers this morning. Next week then has the real possibility of my 9 hole and 18 hole handicap being the same especially if second shot this afternoon is played from the 10th fairway!. It could be worse I guess, I could go off like a frog in a sock next Wednesday and my 18 hole handicap drop below my 9 hole !

On the home front today actually marks 14 yrs with CLP. Given its easy divisibility by 7 there could be a joke about dog years in there but I am above such trite nonsense. A lot has happened in that time and I can remember most of it. Facebook tried to suck me into Pastbook app last night where you can get a printed copy of a years memories for as little as $29.95. Ok , so when 2015 ran to 595 photos and a price of $70 US I knew I had plenty of memories to cherish but if I am going to get ripped off by US currency conversion I am going to be sitting on the beach in San Diego, not leafing through a photo album in Maryhole. More memories will no doubt be created when we head off in a couple of weeks for a weekend drive around Kingaroy Wine district. On second thought we could probably walk it 🙂 Been a great 14 years kiddo. May is a busy month indeed with many birthdays for kids and grandkids of the Ferguson persuasion and hope to catch up with them all. A simple visit from Grandad is enough in these hard economic times right ?

Life is good. At least until something better comes along.

As yet another music legend passes seems only appropriate to remember an earlier loss with Aussie flavour. Not sufficiently endowed (!) with music knowledge to fully appreciate the impact of someone like Prince on the music world but can easily accept it was significant. One of a kind . If I was Paul McCartney I would look both ways before crossing the street now.

My Financial Advisor has asked to be introduced as an “old Polo mate” , and not my Financial Advisor, at any future social gatherings as infrequent as they may be. I think he was trying to subtly imply something so time to review my capacity in the wallet lightening caper. As expected I was very good at it. Surprising then to find out this is not a good thing. Almost as surprising as realising you cant be #internationalbarfly on $35 k a year and expect to maintain an adequate lifestyle for the other 11 months. As such future solo trips to USA are on hold for now or at least until I hit 60 or die of boredom before hand. I will still some travel in Australia as I have a loyal and devoted fan base who , at times, derive a single purpose for waking up the next day in hope there will be a new blog. It will also give me a chance to test a well worn excuse ” but dear its just as cheap to travel overseas as in Australia” . All joshing aside this is actually true once you factor in currency conversion and of course ignore cost of flights. Major cities in Aussie land are a rip off for accommodation et al . First trip will be in August this year down around Blue Mountains and Hunter Valley way. International may be removed but the barfly will get a workout trust me.

Looks like the Hillary Trump show coming up although still may be a twist in the tail. I just love watching Trumpy Von Trumpster try to act “all presidential” now for 95% of the time but doesnt take much to release the Kraken. Its not a convention you want to miss. Interesting , as Spacey pointed out, that once again House of Cards foresaw a real event (contested convention) in their recent fourth season. Fun times ahead and Jon Stewart must be kicking himself

In TV land the excellent Better Call Saul finished its second season with the looming question being how soon does Jimmy become Saul? It may not have the scope of Breaking Bad but it certainly has great story telling and superb cinematography. Girls was a good season while Broad City is an acquired taste maybe but well worth the effort. Brooklyn 99 continues to mostly amuse and Good Wife winds down to its inevitable end. Blacklist gets sillier every week but still strangely watchable but only because of Spader. Some great shows like Americans and Line of Duty percolating along and waiting for season end watches

Great to see the first hint of winter coming and no I dont mean GOT Season 6 next week! The first hint for me is shoulder pain usually starting early in morning followed by an increasing difficulty in getting out of bed. I think my “arthritic meter” would be way more accurate than any weather forecast. Maybe an app there ? Qld winters are of course glorious ,if brief, so enjoy it when it comes because it wont be hanging around for long. That reminds me of a great meme saw this morning and how some things hang around while the best are taken from us

There is a lot more to Easter than just eating chocolate. The pubs are also open. But first , a chance to catch up with the Fab Five in Toowoomba for Great Friday. Not too often get all 3 children and 5 grandkids together so was indeed a Festivus miracle come early . An early morning trip from Flashman Inc , Sunshine Coast had us sitting down to a very passable breakfast at Esk on a glorious clear morning. Luckily the traffic was all heading the other way or I had got stuck in reverse. Again. There must be something in the area where you can float a boat and pitch a tent on but am happy for it to remain unknown for this little black duck. Camping is right up there with Prostate exams and root canal work in the pleasure stakes for me . There was that one time I got both done and just hope like hell he washed his hands in between. Don’t need floss down there! Sent the grand kiddies well on the way to juvenile onset diabetes before tucking into a lovely lunch

Headed back to Brisvegas early afternoon where CLP is house sitting in Windsor for a couple of weeks. Just hope the owners don’t find out . Lovely location and perfect for some late afternoon drinkies and nibbles on verandah overlooking the poor people . Then a night of sport . On TV ok! Went to bed secure in knowledge both Broncos and Cricketers had lost so got pleasant surprise in morning . The bed was dry ! Then back to verandah for relaxing breakfast and planning of day . Wonder if any beer serving establishments open on Easter Saturday ? Of course they do but if you really want to enjoy that first drink wander around for an hour on a simply glorious, but hot , day and grab some culture at GOMA first. Hey it’s free, but still a rip off 😎

Then onto Tipplers Tap to arrive precisely at 11:59 , mouth open, for advertised midday opening. Hey here is a TIP ya clowns. If you want to close on Easter Saturday by all means but how about a heads up online! Shan’t be back . Ok back track to The Charming Squire (named after me apparently) and settle in for beer and fat food in equal portions. Great set up and very pleasant way to spend a couple of hours . The rest of the day was less productive but hey needed to rest up for the Della feast on Sunday . Apparently Grange was involved . Early to bed early to rise makes one….. well 58 I guess.

The Easter Bunny came and went rather quickly . Another noice home cooked breakfast on verandah while we waited for the guaranteed storms to arrive. Well at least it is a bit cooler . Morning tea with Mum and a catch up and then onto the Della residence at Burbank. Grange is red eh ? Apparently 😉 The usual MASSIVE amounts of food and wine from our gracious hosts ADJG while MEAGRE amounts of rain fell. Could well have settled in for my nana nap but more family alive still so off to Strathpine to see Anne and John for dinner and tres nice fried rice (with fresh prawn) before heading back to Sunshine Inc , the land of no showers . Maybe there is a clogged pipe somewhere and trust me after these last 3 days I know what that feels like …..

It had been a wonderful Easter enjoying the Holy Trinity on this religious occasion – Family, Chocolate and Alcohol. And still a day to go. Which could only mean one thing . Time for a sing along

Back in the land of bananas and winning State of Origin teams for almost a week now and the body clock almost back to normal. Sadly it is a Grandfather clock so still wakes up at 4 am, looks at the body and realises it wasnt just a nightmare and wonders what the little hand is doing.

Speaking of little hands , what about Trump, D eh. Now, when in USA and watching this nonsense on TV it kinda makes sense because you then head out and mix with The Walking Braindead on the streets. Back home, twice removed you just scratch your head and wonder how can this be. Anyone who ever complained about ABC bias needs to watch Fox News in America. It seems almost impossible to get unbiased reporting but the difference I see is most of the Democrat fans are the satirical programmes like Colbert, Noah, Oliver so they are usually taking the piss anyway. Every now and again though you see that even they cant see any humour in this try as they might and frustration bubbles to the surface. FNC just has a line up of Stooges with maybe O’Reilly the least insufferable but Hannity the worst. Caught a bit of his interview with Trump last night but couldnt see his face as he was on his knees with his head in Trumps lap doing something. It was a town hall with the faithful – as happens on both sides – but he just never answers a question with any detail. “Oh they will pay for the wall trust me” Rapturous applause, no follow up. “We will have the strongest military ever and wipe out every enemy” Rapturous applause, no follow up “I will get smart people in and we will fix the economy” Rapturous applause, no follow up. It is both amusing to a degree but scary because whoever is running USA does impact us and the rest of the world. While most still never see him getting to the final prize I have watched House of Cards so know what can happen at national conventions! Really would be an FU. Start praying now

Which is the segue of course for the genuinely sad news of the week. Nancy Reagan only made it 94. No, not that and I do get sick and tired of the angst expressed when someone, regardless of how significant their achievements may have been, is mourned day and night when they were basically just wasting oxygen anyway at that age. By all means celebrate their life – ala George Martin – but spare me the prolonged sadness or at least save it up because there are plenty of things in this world to grieve over and celebrity deaths are very rarely included. However , the passing of Jon English at 66 was sad. Not baby seal sad but still enough to take pause as you grew up with him to a degree. From early days in JC to any number of memorable songs. He toured regularly too, even to Maryhole and obviously loved performing on stage. But the strongest memory was the show All Together Now which if nothing else introduced the world to that amazing weather guy on the Today Show. Rebecca was still looking hot too and some fun supporting cast. Not sure if still holds up today so will track down an old episode on You Tube and see. In the meantime, enjoy

Hey if reduntiree is a word so is musoanings. Look it up. It was going to be musings abut then realised a lot of moaning may creep in and not the good kind. Spookily it also describes my general feeling when CLP suggests we visit another museum on holidays. Its been a while so grab a cuppa and sit back as it is time to review some of my pet peeves and see if 2016 looks any brighter

Um no.

News. Spending time with CLP does involve watching the nightly news but its a fair trade off I guess 🙂 My loathing of the fluff that passes for News bulletins is well known amongst the devoted and if anything it is only worse in 2016. The most annoying aspect of course is the continual “later in the bulletin” click baiting that occurs all the time. This of course includes that old favourite waste of time – the weather. They cross to the weather girl/weekend news anchor at least 4 times during the bulletin without actually telling you what the weather will be tomorrow but instead tell you what the weather was today and then tease a little about the future while waiting for the darts to get reshafted at the Endeavour foundation. News flash clowns – I know what the weather was like today, I fucking lived it! Extending this moronic theme even further they even had an early report from the “Pink Test” cricket last night in first segment where they mentioned our spinners did well without ever once giving a bloody score! Ane then the cream de crap – the constantly running nine news promo during every second ad break with the clear highlight being the sheila running with mic in hand and hair bouncing but face never moving. I tell ya I was transported back to the start of The Six Million Dollar Man slow mo clips – only Majors had slightly less chin stubble and more animated acting skills. CLP is a sweet sweet lady but this News thing is on the table kiddo

Weather. The thing that continues to amuse and of course annoy is that during most news bulletins there could well be a story highlighting a new invention or a cure for cancer with the general theme being how technology and intelligence has improved these days. Then we get to the science of weather. 1950 called and they want their string back. What is clearly a sign of early onset Alzheimers is that I actually planned my day today around the fact they were predicting rain! Just what a minute while I pull down the shade – that sun is blinding me . Ok thats better. So the rain?? Ah yes, tomorrow for sure and up to 100 ml. Get the SPF 30 ready folks. The only thing worse than the weekly weather is the weekend report where they get to fuck up the surf report as well. Talk about your daily double. Our current fave forecast is “70% chance of rain and there will be 30 mm”. That is a fair amount of rain that could fall – or 30% chance of absolutely zero. It boggles the mind really

Sports Reporting. Well of course we had some Hayne Hysteria again because he ran 11 yds and didnt fall over. I actually think Haynso has handled it all very well – but then again if he wasnt there he would be stuck at Parramatta so even carrying the Gatorade has to look good at present. The Windies are duds as expected which sadly means the buffoons in the commentary team have to fill in with amusing anecdotes and new technology. They really take us for fools suggesting that the Widies showed some real ticker in that second test. Ah no. How about we have a cod ordinary bowling attack that will struggle to take 20 crickets in the 3 day tests we have now adopted. Imagine if we still had Starc and Johnson, fresh from several sessions on the couch with the good doctor natch, fit and raring to go. (Send the couch to Molic, A when done thanks fellas)The Big Bash is actually the best cricket to watch except for that tosser Flintoff, F. sprouting forth. Lets face it , until PGA golf starts again there is no real sport on TV

Customer Service. My financial advisor insisted I buy a wine fridge. I only say that to see if he still reads my blogs (PS If u do can I start charging people for this honour?). Anyhoo Dan Murphy had quite a good deal where you buy $200 of wine (ergo one week’s worth) and get same off a Grand Cru wine fridge. Initial fears started when discovered the actual fridge came from a third party – HOME ICON – but these were somewhat allayed when contacted within days assuring me it would be delivered the week starting Dec 13th and driver would contact day before with 2 hr delivery window. Sweet as I am a busy boy. By Thursday and no contact I rang them and left a few messages, still polite at this stage, in their mailbox. She finally contacted me next day to say I was just going to ring you and inform you of delivery issues as it is such a busy time of year. Nah Sweetheart that dont wash with me. If u sell an item at Xmas time to cash in on the fact that it is XMAS TIME eg fridge needed for friends visiting ( ok ya got me there but she didnt know that ) yada yada yada you cant then suggest you have been caught out by the time of year. She then promised me next Tue/Wed for sure. Fine I said because you realise Xmas is Friday ? Yes Sir. By Wednesday afternoon I was getting pissed off. Not only by non delivery but also complete lack of contact or response to some of my “comments” in her mailbox. Most along the line of ” you do understand the concept of a message system??” Throw in a few choice adjectives and you get the gist. Xmas passed and then I sent an email to Home ICON and got no response for two days until at 7 am of all times on NYE a quick response says it will be delivered today (NYE). Ah no it wont I aint home. Long story short it was FINALLY delivered today with one final twist in the tail. “Yeah just up these back stairs mate” “We are not allowed to take fridges up stairs” Say What! “I can help you carry it up but cant use trolley” Ok sure, with that sort of logic you should be in management pal. It wasnt that heavy which may indicate that apart from everything else its construction is not stellar. Given the temps we get in Maryhole a lot of the year I had to try something because the Ben Ean was starting to taste a bit fruity

Movies. Not So Secret Santa forked over 2 Gold Class tickets so time for the annual mixing with the great unwashed. Picked an early sitting to minimise numbers (8!) and saw the latest Star Wars blockbuster. Hmm. Ok did not read much before hand apart from the return of the big 3 but was a bit surprised that this was really yet another chapter in a never ending story. I have a new theory ,not involving dinosaurs, about these franchise movies. The first is always the best. The original SW was a good old boys own adventure story that stood as a lone film if necessary but was suitably enhanced by the two sequels. Then we got another 3, the second of which holds the dubious record of only movie ever walked out of a cinema for. Take your Marvel yarns – the first Iron Man was great but after that ? Captain America? Batman is maybe the only franchise that reinvented itself after the Icy Riddler nonsense and got better with Dark Knight being the standout. The beauty of first SW was there were 3 main characters with simple names. The more complex the names become the less easy to follow is the story. Of course they will rake in the millions. It is interesting that at same time many movie series become more complex TV shows are being dumbed down even further

Enough moaning though as this was a lovely holiday period. Time with CLP and family in very nice surroundings and rather pleasant weather has been hard to beat. And of course Adventure Before Dementia is a mere 6 weeks away. If I remember to catch that first plane. That one is the deal breaker methinks. Two things are certain – plenty of selfies with alcohol in hand and an unsatisfactory interaction with Centrelink awaits. The second actually contributes to the first

Later dudes

As if the 35 degree heat was not a big enough clue, we now know Xmas is fast approaching because Julie Anthony has just released a Greatest Soppy Song Collection. This can only mean that the Whispering Jack “Almost Certainly Maybe Possibly Never Know Last Tour Souvenir 2 Disc Collection” must be next. When National Lampoon’s Xmas Vacation is screening we then know that the fat fella is poised at chimney entrance. Speaking of urban myths is there any chance we can get The Dome that sits over Maryhole laminated? If it is going to keep out all rain surely we should try blocking some of the sun too no ? My derision of all things weather forecast related is well known and it is mainly their arrogance of course and sheer gall to still produce forecasts in the absence of any actual proven record of accuracy but even I wonder at their stupidity. Why forecast a daily rainfall of 3 -21 mm which implies you are guaranteeing at least some rain. Make it 0-21 mm at least in keeping with your actual capabilities. Come to think of it just make it 0-1000 every day and at least you may get something right.

The Pink Ball test has come and gone in a breezy 3 days where the slightest less worse batting side hung on. Very good crowds for 3 days probably equates to average crowds for 5 days gate takings wise? There was a certain degree of freshness about this endeavour and when coupled with cheap tickets the crowds would always be good. Besides what else is there to do in Adelaide at night ? The Channel 9 Boofhead brigade tried in vain to make it interesting (but failed) and in particular the impact a wearing and fading pink ball would have under lights. Memo to said clowns – the batting team needs to last more than 60 overs to find out! Luckily some controversy came along to at least add some mild interest until it was discussed ad nauseum for 24 hrs non stop. All ex sportsfolk should be banned from the twitterverse. No one cares what u think, you are yesterday’s news. As mentioned in other media committments not sure it was such a howler DRS ? Yes it was out but under the current process( as in NRL) the onfield decision carries a lot of weight and there needs to be conclusive evidence ( like Snicko maybe?) to overturn. It was a not a good look though when the 3rd umpire Long was seen in the dressing sheds helping Lyon put his pads back on because he had already walked off, had a shower and 2 beers by time decision came through. Smith is fast becoming new Pup for me. Not sure what it is but he just seems unlikable to moi. In a day of some weird sights though surely the winning one was Starc hobbling out ahead of other batsmen when only 2 runs needed and then subsequently having to run a quick 2 for the win! The mind boggles , it really does. In actual real sport it was a great win for Jones in the Aussie Open. Two more things were apparent – Spieth seems like a genuine good guy but likely very dull drinking buddy and Scotty is in denial with his putting. You may say you feel comfortable with it but you dont look it. Like his hero before him – Sharkie of the Big White variety – he can come rumbling home all guns blazing only to just miss out on the choccies. I hope he feels suitably miserable this morning when he picks up his hot wife and adorable baby and heads out to the airport to his private Lear Jet to head back to Caribbean. What am I saying?? I mean when the chauffeured limousine picks them up of course

US Politics continues to both amuse and alarm in equal measure. What is a goldmine for late night satirists now has potential to become a minefield for the US electorate next year. Trump and Carson take turns leading the Republican polls and putting their foot in their mouth. But it doesnt seem to matter! Trumps latest bombastic claim is so typical. He definitely saw people in New Jersey celebrating as the towers came down on 911. He remembers seeing the video and he has the worlds greatest memory. “Where did you see this video Mr Trump ?” “I dont remember”. It is said with a straight face too! I doubt anyone seriously expected them both to be around after Thanksgiving but much like the gobbler that was pardoned by Jed Bartlett (oops sorry WW is now on Stan) these two turkeys are leading a charmed life still. At least now we know how Trump and Carson got free

USA is a fascinating place for moi which is why I keep going back but it is also a strange mix of folk with religion and guns always playing a part somewhere. After the recent Paris attacks many folk on travel forums are stating their intent to cancel holidays now to Europe et al. Each to their own of course but for me when your number is up it is up. This nicely leads into the unveiling of the mantra for next years sojourn – Adventure before Dementia. Thought I better state it now before I forget. February 2016 – mark it on your calendars fans

The reporting of major tragedies is a delicate task especially at the beginning when various broadcasters are going for “the scoop”. In the early stages reports are notoriously inaccurate and the respected news sources understand this and inform as such with the monotony of “remember to gamble responsibly”. The best plan is pick your trusted source and stick with it. This is not a time for channel surfing. Of course finding a “trusted source” these days is very difficult. An unfolding tragedy like this recent one in Paris also engages the viewer more but is more difficult to cover fully. Eventually there is a conclusion of sorts to the event and that then is where the media tends to descend from reporting to embellishing and fluffing. The experts are bought in , eyewitnesses harassed, lasting images sought. In general the mainline media do a pretty good job in difficult times. Then social media kicks in. Before long we have the memes appearing, some good, some cringeful but most unnecessary. The simple signs are best and the subtle Facebook profile change is a good one in my view. The image of the guy dragging his grand piano to in front of Bataclan and playing Imagine sticks in the mind.

There was a musical aspect to this tragedy with the Eagles of Death Metal concert the site of the worst attack. This does not mean though that I will ever care what Taylor Swift et al think of this. It is the worst aspect of social media – the need for “Celebrities” to express “thoughts” . Cancel concerts by all means – if done out of respect. They , as in the experts, say that the Terrorists win when they disrupt our normal lives outside of any appalling carnage with the actual tragedy itself. As such people tend to quickly move back out onto the streets to pay their respects and express their sadness. Of course any scenes of such gatherings are usually dominated by the sight of extended smartphones but thankfully did not see any selfie sticks this time. After absorbing as much of the news as one may need let alone bear one looks for something else to distract – like maybe the usual morning sport podcast of Dead Set Legends. Nope, we have to listen to the thoughts of Rabs on terrorist attacks. If u feel it is inappropriate to discuss trivial matters at such a time fine but dont discuss the serious matters then either! Play soothing music or something. There does not need to be 24/7 coverage of this across every media – leave it to the designated ones. People need some normality in their lives. And then of course this morning comes the cream on the top. Like the car crash you cant quite pull your eyes away from I still invariably have Today Show on in morning as get ready for work on course. The first scene around 5:30 am was of people running through the streets of Paris and into cafes, even trampling over memorial flowers. It was a “false alarm” and no doubt the people of Paris are a bit edgy – or were they just running away from Karl? Fuck me slowly. Why is that clown in Paris?? You can imagine the pitch to the head of Channel 9. “Think we should send Stefanovic over to Paris” Hmm, yeah ok he has international cred, do it. The boss sits down this morning for first cross and vomits in his corn flakes upon viewing and quickly calls the news boss to scream down the phone “I thought you meant Peter you bloody Moron!” Karl’s “Mike Moore” fixation continues and someone is feeding it. What can be possibly gained by having him on the ground in Paris apart from getting in the way of local citizens trying to get on with their lives? It just boggles the mind

Speaking of media, the sporting variety will be struggling for their next hero/villain after a week where the Hayne Plane was back in the hangar, Mundine was smashed, I could get 200 on the Perth wicket , and of course Rousey became Mousey all of a sudden. It is back to pre season training for NRL/AFL players so there should be an incident soon. The Pensioners have been waddling around USA for a hit and a giggle 3 game series of cricket which really appears to just have been an elaborate set up for Liz and Warnie to get it back on.

In the land of what passes for entertainment Master of None was impressive . Aziz is a bit of a “best in small doses” sort of guy for me but he does have a certain charm and a couple of episodes like “Indians on TV” almost up their with the likes of Seinfeld. The central relationship is great and a perfect ending to season. Do yourself a favour. With this and Youre the Worst moving in a new direction along with the return of Catastrophe, then one has to say that the 30 min comedy scene is in good hands. Of course one also realises that none will rate close to Big Bang which only confirms long held views. The Ex PM even had a good episode this week. Throw in your usual swag of quality UK/Europe dramas and of course Good Wife and the week just fills in nicely