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ABD – One Week and Counting

Posted: February 6, 2016 in Travel

In a sure sign of advancing old age as holiday approaches my excitement level doesnt rise but more the list of things that could go wrong expand! A lot can happen in 7 days – Old Whiskers may create another heaven and earth for example. Probably looked at the weather forecast and put it off a while. At least I should be able to tick off “severe head cold” because I have had that for the last week! Seem to have avoided the salmonella/spider laced salad treat as well so far.

First concern of course is actually leaving the country. Once you get on that first plane then at least anything that happens after that at least u r on holidays even if u suddenly find yourself in Cuba. I have asked for an upgrade on first leg on A380 as do not have ideal seats and may as well use the FF points. Of course Qantas dont tell you of your fate until about 24-48 hrs before flight because they are still hoping to flog the seats for full whack. Clearly not as much hope on our first domestic leg from Brisvegas to Sydney where I have been bombarded with emails from Qantas this week asking me first if I want to upgrade this leg and when that failed if I want to bid on an upgrade. Well clowns no because I have to keep all my points in case I get the international upgrade 2 days later which u aint telling me about yet! BC upgrade for such a short leg really isnt worth it when already a QC member so full on snout in trough before even get on plane.

Weather is always a concern but then you cant do much about that. Last year I was trying to keep one step ahead of Marcia Marcia Marcia as it slowly moved down the coast. As I have plenty of time I though as a sheer exercise in futility I would monitor predicted temps in the 3 cities I will visit for period I am there. When the overnight mins varied by 8 degrees in a 48 hr period I knew this would only be a frustrating exercise. My fave though had to be the one for NYC on March 4th. Ok this link will likely change over next 24 hrs but trust me when I say it predicts the temperature range for that day is 4 to 4. Yep, not a degree change all day! “Hey Frank , are you sure this is right?” “Yep, that is what the modelling says”

Weather NYC March 4th

Hoping for a bit of winter snow at least in Boston but may well be out of luck. Phil is predicting an early spring and lets face it has as much chance as anyone else of being right! Does anyone else think those bloody hats could be blocking the shadow! At least we know where failed Republican Presidential candidates end up

Any pending OS travel of course means interaction with Centrelink before ,during and after. Actually physically presented twice to downtown office and much smoother process than actually waiting an hour on phone. Confidence level still the same though. I have a letter confirming my notification of leaving country but the lassie said I will
still get the annoying reminders about reporting etc because “they are automated”. Well switch them off sweetheart, its 2016! Technology is wonderful until it aint.

We do of course have a very enjoyable weekend in Sydney first up and read an interesting blog this week comparing Sydney and Melbourne with the author coming down very much on the side of Sydney. I have always been a Melbourne fan but it struck me about a similar comparison between NYC and Washington. Like Washington, Sydney has some of the most iconic must see sights in Australia for any international visitor but does that make it the more interesting city? Dont think so but will be good to see for a couple of days with a very nice dinner planned for Saturday night and with both Valentines Day and my Birthday to celebrate … well if I can even walk onto the plane on Monday someone isnt doing their job properly eh!

So now just a case of waiting and filling in the week with usual mix of work, coughing and play. Still waiting to hear about possible White House tour but all I have are a few emails from Hillary Clinton so not confident but very well informed about US foreign policy!

ABD – The Preamble

Posted: January 14, 2016 in Travel

Acronyms rule baby. When I was a youngun the first thing we did , after washing our slate in the morning, was learn our ABDs. Yes the letter C was banned due to the possibility of its usage in the naughty word. Catholic. Simple but fun times. Then Whitey and his Less Hairy Simian mates sung a tune and the world changed

But I digress as is my want. ABD does of course refer to Adventure Before Dementia which is my Creed (Yo Rocky) for my trip to USA next month. Yes , now only a month away. The plan was to retrace JFKs backwards but saying KFJ just kept making me hungry for some reason. In a week when you certainly dont want to be 69 it can also be said that applies to the conversion rate for the Aussie $ to the US Greenstuff given now is the week the US accommodations want the final payments. Ouch! It really is a case of bent over the bonnet with chili on the stick . One’s eyes do water. What can u do though eh when u need to plan holidays up to 12 months in advance and hope for the best ? So, given that Jackie gave the Dallas Uber driver a really bad review we must start there

Ah Texas, the land of “Open Carry”. I am hoping like hell it means the cowgirl takes the top of your beer before bringing to your hay bale but I fear it has something more to do with the point and shoot variety of accessory. A few days in Dallas to kick off as Qantas do fly straight in from Sydney and thus avoid the need for that dreaded LAX transfer. A Segway is planned, always a great way to get the lay of the land in a new city. A trip to 6th Floor Museum and a general inspection for shell casings around the grassy knoll are on the agenda along with a day trip to Fort Worth to actually see some cattle roaming down the middle of the street. You know like Kangaroos do here. The weather should be pleasant for Texas with no real winter to speak of and seem to have my head around the transport system there referred to as DART. Of course whenever I think of Dart my mind does wander to weather forecasting so should be prepared for anything and the buses going the wrong way etc

Then it is on to Washington with American Airlines Fokker or similar. A week up near the Capitol area should be very pleasant and a bit cooler. Easy walking town and though have been there before have a few new sites lines up including Foggy Bottom. If its anything like Foggy Head should be a hoot and easily forgotten the next day. Do have a White House Tour request in which basically involves a long drawn out process, a promised kidney donation if needed and a lot of luck. If my luck holds I could well be sitting on Michelle’s lap for my 58th birthday. Our Union could be in some State eh. With my luck I will probably get run over by bloody Seinfeld and his Corvette. A few watering holes have been penciled in just for a change and a detailed public transport odyssey outlined to see the famous Exorcist Steps in Georgetown. A day trip to Baltimore is also on the cards just for something different and to see Babe Ruths birthplace etc

Finally it is on to Boston where a lot of it started for JFK. Once again have been here briefly before and walked the Freedom Trail yada yada yada. Different weather this time with the general forecast not all that Flash for Boston in March. Still anything beats Feb/March in QLD! A day trip to Salem planned to catch up with some old bosses and once again a fairly easy walking town, weather permitting. One thing u do find at this time of year is many tours close especially any involving the harbour. Plenty of TV/Movie sites to check out and of course the original Cheers pub . Mind you I just tend to walk into any pub , grab a beer and say Cheers mate.

Then it is a train to NYC for one night just to make the travel home more relaxed. Mind you one night’s accommodation in NYC could probably feed an African family for a year but as JFK would say “Ask not how much is the room, but is breakfast included” ? Maybe lost something in the translation. One of his quotes does seem rather appropriate though

Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.

I assume he is referring to underwear but I also think there is something in there about looking forward and going with the flow. Its an uncertain world these days and if your number is up so be it. Obviously it wasnt for last weeks Powerball or I could well be staying at The White House next month!

Those Golden Globe Years

Posted: January 11, 2016 in Uncategorized

No worse sign of ageing then when your heroes start passing away. Childhood heroes may be expected but those that impacted in more formative years cast a greater shadow with their loss. Celebrity deaths are odd of course because they USUALLY generate way too much comment then is EVER NEEDED. When Fred Smith who was the key grip on My Fair Lady passes away at 103 this is not noteworthy folks. I imagine he was finally glad to get out of here. And of course every death is sad to those close such as with the recent family tragedies down south or the one punch fatality in Brisbane recently. Then there are those moments in time when the looming question is where were you when JFK was shot or Elvis died. The one for me was John Lennon. I was in an elevator in the State Health Building in George Street , Brisbane when got the news. Not a particularly memorable location but still beats what I was doing when I got the Bowie news. Watching the Golden Globes. To be precise watching Katy Perry’s golden globes in what was one of many ironic moments really. Todays version of a pop star presenting an award to one of the most overrated clowns doing the rounds these days for a truly abysmal song. On a night when the lights dazzled brightly on largely overpaid “stars” with mostly limited talent the world grew a little dimmer with the passing of a true icon. Since that time have struggled to understand fully why this particular death impacted so much. It was of course a total surprise but I think it has something to do with the fact that many males of my vintage would have gone through a period of wanting to be like Bowie because he was simply the coolest dude around. He was uber cool (is that even a phrase anymore or did I just order a taxi ?)Then you layer on top his extreme and multi dimensional talent and you get a sense of the loss. Its a different world now to when Lennon passed and of course we are saturated with social media banality and the curse of the twitter eulogy. There are some worthy ones out there from those you admire like Alice Cooper but it doesnt take long for humour to kick back in and this one bought a smile

But lets return to a very one dimensional talent, that being the host of GG 2016, one Gervais, R. Like many I imagine I fell under his spell when he first appeared on our screens, or actually a bit later than The Office to be fair. His stand up shows and Extras were the highlight for me but then he became a celebrity and you realised that his skill set was limited. Basically he became an insult comic. He was edgy and good for headlines but that act wears pretty thin pretty quick. That little laugh of his starts to grate. It is probably easier to list the highlights of the show – or at least what I watched of it – but really there was only one. A visual gag, plain and simple

Downlights abounded as they usually do but the couple that stand out were the hideous bear gag with Jonah Hill at the start and Amy S dropping the C bomb for no real reason given her natural talent. Maybe to take some glare away from her BFF JLaw? Yeah we get it, you are now besties. Crudity , while it has its place, is usually a sign of an empty mind to moi and we all know Amy is far from that. Some surprise winners as often the case with GGs and the Leo circus rolls on now. Award shows also occasionally expose some well known people as real dullards and todays winner was Ridley Scott. Award show season does release screeners to the world but one has to wonder these days if even that can justify their existence anymore ?

One mostly blows past most of the “posts” on social media at these times when everyone wants to be heard but am glad I read this one from a Facebook friend (you know who you are). It encapsulates very well my feelings at present

I think the sad realisation I’m coming to is that I am now the adult, and the adults I admired in my youth are ending their journey. I suppose the sad part is not some trite revelation about the unfaltering forward march of time and my own inevitable death, but the simple fact that, by the time I near my end, the world will seem dim and there will be no heroes left. I’m not sure I’m prepared for that.

Which only leaves me to say of Mr Bowie. “Thank you for these many Golden Years”

Monday Musoanings

Posted: January 4, 2016 in Midlife Crisis in Maryhole

Hey if reduntiree is a word so is musoanings. Look it up. It was going to be musings abut then realised a lot of moaning may creep in and not the good kind. Spookily it also describes my general feeling when CLP suggests we visit another museum on holidays. Its been a while so grab a cuppa and sit back as it is time to review some of my pet peeves and see if 2016 looks any brighter

Um no.

News. Spending time with CLP does involve watching the nightly news but its a fair trade off I guess 🙂 My loathing of the fluff that passes for News bulletins is well known amongst the devoted and if anything it is only worse in 2016. The most annoying aspect of course is the continual “later in the bulletin” click baiting that occurs all the time. This of course includes that old favourite waste of time – the weather. They cross to the weather girl/weekend news anchor at least 4 times during the bulletin without actually telling you what the weather will be tomorrow but instead tell you what the weather was today and then tease a little about the future while waiting for the darts to get reshafted at the Endeavour foundation. News flash clowns – I know what the weather was like today, I fucking lived it! Extending this moronic theme even further they even had an early report from the “Pink Test” cricket last night in first segment where they mentioned our spinners did well without ever once giving a bloody score! Ane then the cream de crap – the constantly running nine news promo during every second ad break with the clear highlight being the sheila running with mic in hand and hair bouncing but face never moving. I tell ya I was transported back to the start of The Six Million Dollar Man slow mo clips – only Majors had slightly less chin stubble and more animated acting skills. CLP is a sweet sweet lady but this News thing is on the table kiddo

Weather. The thing that continues to amuse and of course annoy is that during most news bulletins there could well be a story highlighting a new invention or a cure for cancer with the general theme being how technology and intelligence has improved these days. Then we get to the science of weather. 1950 called and they want their string back. What is clearly a sign of early onset Alzheimers is that I actually planned my day today around the fact they were predicting rain! Just what a minute while I pull down the shade – that sun is blinding me . Ok thats better. So the rain?? Ah yes, tomorrow for sure and up to 100 ml. Get the SPF 30 ready folks. The only thing worse than the weekly weather is the weekend report where they get to fuck up the surf report as well. Talk about your daily double. Our current fave forecast is “70% chance of rain and there will be 30 mm”. That is a fair amount of rain that could fall – or 30% chance of absolutely zero. It boggles the mind really

Sports Reporting. Well of course we had some Hayne Hysteria again because he ran 11 yds and didnt fall over. I actually think Haynso has handled it all very well – but then again if he wasnt there he would be stuck at Parramatta so even carrying the Gatorade has to look good at present. The Windies are duds as expected which sadly means the buffoons in the commentary team have to fill in with amusing anecdotes and new technology. They really take us for fools suggesting that the Widies showed some real ticker in that second test. Ah no. How about we have a cod ordinary bowling attack that will struggle to take 20 crickets in the 3 day tests we have now adopted. Imagine if we still had Starc and Johnson, fresh from several sessions on the couch with the good doctor natch, fit and raring to go. (Send the couch to Molic, A when done thanks fellas)The Big Bash is actually the best cricket to watch except for that tosser Flintoff, F. sprouting forth. Lets face it , until PGA golf starts again there is no real sport on TV

Customer Service. My financial advisor insisted I buy a wine fridge. I only say that to see if he still reads my blogs (PS If u do can I start charging people for this honour?). Anyhoo Dan Murphy had quite a good deal where you buy $200 of wine (ergo one week’s worth) and get same off a Grand Cru wine fridge. Initial fears started when discovered the actual fridge came from a third party – HOME ICON – but these were somewhat allayed when contacted within days assuring me it would be delivered the week starting Dec 13th and driver would contact day before with 2 hr delivery window. Sweet as I am a busy boy. By Thursday and no contact I rang them and left a few messages, still polite at this stage, in their mailbox. She finally contacted me next day to say I was just going to ring you and inform you of delivery issues as it is such a busy time of year. Nah Sweetheart that dont wash with me. If u sell an item at Xmas time to cash in on the fact that it is XMAS TIME eg fridge needed for friends visiting ( ok ya got me there but she didnt know that ) yada yada yada you cant then suggest you have been caught out by the time of year. She then promised me next Tue/Wed for sure. Fine I said because you realise Xmas is Friday ? Yes Sir. By Wednesday afternoon I was getting pissed off. Not only by non delivery but also complete lack of contact or response to some of my “comments” in her mailbox. Most along the line of ” you do understand the concept of a message system??” Throw in a few choice adjectives and you get the gist. Xmas passed and then I sent an email to Home ICON and got no response for two days until at 7 am of all times on NYE a quick response says it will be delivered today (NYE). Ah no it wont I aint home. Long story short it was FINALLY delivered today with one final twist in the tail. “Yeah just up these back stairs mate” “We are not allowed to take fridges up stairs” Say What! “I can help you carry it up but cant use trolley” Ok sure, with that sort of logic you should be in management pal. It wasnt that heavy which may indicate that apart from everything else its construction is not stellar. Given the temps we get in Maryhole a lot of the year I had to try something because the Ben Ean was starting to taste a bit fruity

Movies. Not So Secret Santa forked over 2 Gold Class tickets so time for the annual mixing with the great unwashed. Picked an early sitting to minimise numbers (8!) and saw the latest Star Wars blockbuster. Hmm. Ok did not read much before hand apart from the return of the big 3 but was a bit surprised that this was really yet another chapter in a never ending story. I have a new theory ,not involving dinosaurs, about these franchise movies. The first is always the best. The original SW was a good old boys own adventure story that stood as a lone film if necessary but was suitably enhanced by the two sequels. Then we got another 3, the second of which holds the dubious record of only movie ever walked out of a cinema for. Take your Marvel yarns – the first Iron Man was great but after that ? Captain America? Batman is maybe the only franchise that reinvented itself after the Icy Riddler nonsense and got better with Dark Knight being the standout. The beauty of first SW was there were 3 main characters with simple names. The more complex the names become the less easy to follow is the story. Of course they will rake in the millions. It is interesting that at same time many movie series become more complex TV shows are being dumbed down even further

Enough moaning though as this was a lovely holiday period. Time with CLP and family in very nice surroundings and rather pleasant weather has been hard to beat. And of course Adventure Before Dementia is a mere 6 weeks away. If I remember to catch that first plane. That one is the deal breaker methinks. Two things are certain – plenty of selfies with alcohol in hand and an unsatisfactory interaction with Centrelink awaits. The second actually contributes to the first

Later dudes

Monday Musings

Posted: November 29, 2015 in Midlife Crisis in Maryhole

As if the 35 degree heat was not a big enough clue, we now know Xmas is fast approaching because Julie Anthony has just released a Greatest Soppy Song Collection. This can only mean that the Whispering Jack “Almost Certainly Maybe Possibly Never Know Last Tour Souvenir 2 Disc Collection” must be next. When National Lampoon’s Xmas Vacation is screening we then know that the fat fella is poised at chimney entrance. Speaking of urban myths is there any chance we can get The Dome that sits over Maryhole laminated? If it is going to keep out all rain surely we should try blocking some of the sun too no ? My derision of all things weather forecast related is well known and it is mainly their arrogance of course and sheer gall to still produce forecasts in the absence of any actual proven record of accuracy but even I wonder at their stupidity. Why forecast a daily rainfall of 3 -21 mm which implies you are guaranteeing at least some rain. Make it 0-21 mm at least in keeping with your actual capabilities. Come to think of it just make it 0-1000 every day and at least you may get something right.

The Pink Ball test has come and gone in a breezy 3 days where the slightest less worse batting side hung on. Very good crowds for 3 days probably equates to average crowds for 5 days gate takings wise? There was a certain degree of freshness about this endeavour and when coupled with cheap tickets the crowds would always be good. Besides what else is there to do in Adelaide at night ? The Channel 9 Boofhead brigade tried in vain to make it interesting (but failed) and in particular the impact a wearing and fading pink ball would have under lights. Memo to said clowns – the batting team needs to last more than 60 overs to find out! Luckily some controversy came along to at least add some mild interest until it was discussed ad nauseum for 24 hrs non stop. All ex sportsfolk should be banned from the twitterverse. No one cares what u think, you are yesterday’s news. As mentioned in other media committments not sure it was such a howler DRS ? Yes it was out but under the current process( as in NRL) the onfield decision carries a lot of weight and there needs to be conclusive evidence ( like Snicko maybe?) to overturn. It was a not a good look though when the 3rd umpire Long was seen in the dressing sheds helping Lyon put his pads back on because he had already walked off, had a shower and 2 beers by time decision came through. Smith is fast becoming new Pup for me. Not sure what it is but he just seems unlikable to moi. In a day of some weird sights though surely the winning one was Starc hobbling out ahead of other batsmen when only 2 runs needed and then subsequently having to run a quick 2 for the win! The mind boggles , it really does. In actual real sport it was a great win for Jones in the Aussie Open. Two more things were apparent – Spieth seems like a genuine good guy but likely very dull drinking buddy and Scotty is in denial with his putting. You may say you feel comfortable with it but you dont look it. Like his hero before him – Sharkie of the Big White variety – he can come rumbling home all guns blazing only to just miss out on the choccies. I hope he feels suitably miserable this morning when he picks up his hot wife and adorable baby and heads out to the airport to his private Lear Jet to head back to Caribbean. What am I saying?? I mean when the chauffeured limousine picks them up of course

US Politics continues to both amuse and alarm in equal measure. What is a goldmine for late night satirists now has potential to become a minefield for the US electorate next year. Trump and Carson take turns leading the Republican polls and putting their foot in their mouth. But it doesnt seem to matter! Trumps latest bombastic claim is so typical. He definitely saw people in New Jersey celebrating as the towers came down on 911. He remembers seeing the video and he has the worlds greatest memory. “Where did you see this video Mr Trump ?” “I dont remember”. It is said with a straight face too! I doubt anyone seriously expected them both to be around after Thanksgiving but much like the gobbler that was pardoned by Jed Bartlett (oops sorry WW is now on Stan) these two turkeys are leading a charmed life still. At least now we know how Trump and Carson got free

USA is a fascinating place for moi which is why I keep going back but it is also a strange mix of folk with religion and guns always playing a part somewhere. After the recent Paris attacks many folk on travel forums are stating their intent to cancel holidays now to Europe et al. Each to their own of course but for me when your number is up it is up. This nicely leads into the unveiling of the mantra for next years sojourn – Adventure before Dementia. Thought I better state it now before I forget. February 2016 – mark it on your calendars fans

Monday Musings

Posted: November 15, 2015 in Midlife Crisis in Maryhole

The reporting of major tragedies is a delicate task especially at the beginning when various broadcasters are going for “the scoop”. In the early stages reports are notoriously inaccurate and the respected news sources understand this and inform as such with the monotony of “remember to gamble responsibly”. The best plan is pick your trusted source and stick with it. This is not a time for channel surfing. Of course finding a “trusted source” these days is very difficult. An unfolding tragedy like this recent one in Paris also engages the viewer more but is more difficult to cover fully. Eventually there is a conclusion of sorts to the event and that then is where the media tends to descend from reporting to embellishing and fluffing. The experts are bought in , eyewitnesses harassed, lasting images sought. In general the mainline media do a pretty good job in difficult times. Then social media kicks in. Before long we have the memes appearing, some good, some cringeful but most unnecessary. The simple signs are best and the subtle Facebook profile change is a good one in my view. The image of the guy dragging his grand piano to in front of Bataclan and playing Imagine sticks in the mind.

There was a musical aspect to this tragedy with the Eagles of Death Metal concert the site of the worst attack. This does not mean though that I will ever care what Taylor Swift et al think of this. It is the worst aspect of social media – the need for “Celebrities” to express “thoughts” . Cancel concerts by all means – if done out of respect. They , as in the experts, say that the Terrorists win when they disrupt our normal lives outside of any appalling carnage with the actual tragedy itself. As such people tend to quickly move back out onto the streets to pay their respects and express their sadness. Of course any scenes of such gatherings are usually dominated by the sight of extended smartphones but thankfully did not see any selfie sticks this time. After absorbing as much of the news as one may need let alone bear one looks for something else to distract – like maybe the usual morning sport podcast of Dead Set Legends. Nope, we have to listen to the thoughts of Rabs on terrorist attacks. If u feel it is inappropriate to discuss trivial matters at such a time fine but dont discuss the serious matters then either! Play soothing music or something. There does not need to be 24/7 coverage of this across every media – leave it to the designated ones. People need some normality in their lives. And then of course this morning comes the cream on the top. Like the car crash you cant quite pull your eyes away from I still invariably have Today Show on in morning as get ready for work on course. The first scene around 5:30 am was of people running through the streets of Paris and into cafes, even trampling over memorial flowers. It was a “false alarm” and no doubt the people of Paris are a bit edgy – or were they just running away from Karl? Fuck me slowly. Why is that clown in Paris?? You can imagine the pitch to the head of Channel 9. “Think we should send Stefanovic over to Paris” Hmm, yeah ok he has international cred, do it. The boss sits down this morning for first cross and vomits in his corn flakes upon viewing and quickly calls the news boss to scream down the phone “I thought you meant Peter you bloody Moron!” Karl’s “Mike Moore” fixation continues and someone is feeding it. What can be possibly gained by having him on the ground in Paris apart from getting in the way of local citizens trying to get on with their lives? It just boggles the mind

Speaking of media, the sporting variety will be struggling for their next hero/villain after a week where the Hayne Plane was back in the hangar, Mundine was smashed, I could get 200 on the Perth wicket , and of course Rousey became Mousey all of a sudden. It is back to pre season training for NRL/AFL players so there should be an incident soon. The Pensioners have been waddling around USA for a hit and a giggle 3 game series of cricket which really appears to just have been an elaborate set up for Liz and Warnie to get it back on.

In the land of what passes for entertainment Master of None was impressive . Aziz is a bit of a “best in small doses” sort of guy for me but he does have a certain charm and a couple of episodes like “Indians on TV” almost up their with the likes of Seinfeld. The central relationship is great and a perfect ending to season. Do yourself a favour. With this and Youre the Worst moving in a new direction along with the return of Catastrophe, then one has to say that the 30 min comedy scene is in good hands. Of course one also realises that none will rate close to Big Bang which only confirms long held views. The Ex PM even had a good episode this week. Throw in your usual swag of quality UK/Europe dramas and of course Good Wife and the week just fills in nicely

The Week That Was

Posted: November 6, 2015 in Midlife Crisis in Maryhole

Ah Queensland Summers ( yes we skip Spring apparently) dont you just hate them? Its either blistering hot or else huddled in the corner with a candle as lightning and thunder descend from above. Not that we get many storms “Under the Dome” here in Maryhole. It really is a Catch 22 for moi. Generally I like rain because I can justify staying indoors all day and it cools the place down. Not good if want to play golf of course and major damage for my poor bunkers on said golf course. This weekend is perfect example of connundrum. Rain today all u like – I can watch cricket and golf on TV etc. Not too much though as dont want bunkers to fill up. Then clear about 10 am tomorrow so can go out and actually play golf. Surely not too much to ask? Of course what will more likely happen is that the big tease will go all day as temp slowly rises, puddles form from sweat only and finally the skies will open tomorrow about 1 pm ie Hole 3!

Big week in Sport with the “race that stops the nation”. The race I refer to of course was who would sign Sam Burgess because blind and deaf Freddy knew he was always coming back after a stint with the leather elbow brigade. Souths were red hot favorite and duly delivered as expected – unlike the other race where some sheila showed the boys how it is done and then had her achievement completely overshadowed by some post race comments. Didnt even have a sweep horse this year – one advantage/disadvantage of not working anymore – and could not even name 3 horses in the field. The only certainty these days of course is that some ladies will get absolutely ripped and images will fly around the world courtesy of social media . In other sporting news, the Black Caps were a tad ordinary at the Gabba and we should have our first 3 day test of the summer – weather permitting. The news (in the loosest sense of the word) folk still cant quite let Hayne go despite it being obvious the shine has faded along with his prospects this year. When his greatest strength is how weak his team is then you know it wont end well

The biggest surprise of the week though of course is that The Verdict is still on?? Always reminded of the Frontline episode where Mike insisted on being taken as a serious journalist and the Brass pretended to support him. Karl has same affliction and about the same amount of gravitas. Never watched an episode never will. Despite my love for SM, the EX-PM is weak sadly. Some goose in online forum stated it must be “doing ok because it attracted 600,000 viewers”. This is the same populace that rated an hour of cat videos as extreme entertainment! Getting ready for cricket and 9 has an ad for latest crap about How Rich get Hitched or some nonsense. Probably attract 1 million of the brain dead who aint so much Walking dead (too much effort) as Sitting dead. Gotham continues to impress, Supergirl is bad, and good to see Elementary back on. Caught the Amy doco which was a mixture of interest and sadness. Her Dad was a real prick and hubby not much better.

As November has rolled around it can only mean one thing – next US holiday is only 3 months away! Have to start thinking of that catchy title for blog. Likely a JFK theme as doing his life in reverse – Dallas->Washington-> Boston. Just have to survive Dallas first of course

Melboring Part 2

Posted: October 26, 2015 in Travel

The drive back was relatively smooth apart from usual hiccups when actually in city. Tom Tom again proved its worth and luckily avoided any of those quaint little U Turns into oncoming Trams. Still a few last minute lane changes but arrived at Hertz nice and early only to wait around for the initial ding and scratch report to be delivered by carrier pigeon apparently. Luckily the multiple scratches had not multiplied and trekked off to our hotel with no high hopes of entry at 10:30 am. Well drop em fellas and bend over because our room was ready. Have to say the Mantra on Park has improved with each visit and our 2 bedroom apartment on 13th floor was great and just for a change there was a free bottle of wine included! If I couldnt set up a liver for brain cell transplant soonish I could be in trouble. So on a coolish overcast day we headed out for our first “recommended” coffee at Code Black. All looked good until that first taste and you realised they had slipped the old organic bean trick past ya. So quickly onto Lygon Street for some supplies to absorb said wine and a quick lunch. Back to room and into running gear for trip down to Southbank again. By running gear I mean socks and thongs of course. It is an easy walk but still felt need for a pint of Guinness at PJ Orileys to ward off any subtle dehydration that may present later. A walk back, a feed and slurp and it was time for bed as a full day beckoned next day with possible interaction with morons

Our Yarra Valley (yeah twice is the charm)/ Puffing Billy/ Lamington feast was a 9 hr affair via a coach so alarm bells were poised. The hotel pick up may well be a helpful service but man it is a tedious affair at 7:30 in morning in CBD. We picked up some likely suspects but all was looking nice and quiet until we landed at Federation Square and the rest of the gang boarded – not too many spare seats after that and I felt like Stealers Wheel with Asians to the left of me and French to the right!

We finally left sometime after 0830 and headed off towards Dandenongs with the “lovable” Mark as our bus driver. Not sure its a good idea to have bus driver also as tour guide especially someone who likes a natter. Now Mark was like those uncles you see at family parties that are very friendly and tell the oldest and corniest jokes ever with just a dash of sexism for good measure. He seems particularly fascinated by the average housing price in any given suburb and the lack of shopping centres in small towns. But he was a good driver and we soon arrived for our “Billy Tea and Lamington” at Grants Reserve. I am guessing by the freshness of said lamingtons that the previous days tour group didnt front. Then it was onto the Puffing Billy short trip to Menzies Creek. Now have to say this was better than expected and for one major reason – you can sit in the window! If we could have stood on the roof as well I could cross “Ride a train in India” off my bucket list. Anyhoo it was good fun and sure enough old Marky Mark was waiting with Bus there to finally take us to some wineries. We had a very passable lunch at Rochfords along with tastings followed by further tastings at Dominique Portet and Yering Farm. All in all a very good way to pass a couple of hours. One advantage with being in a tour group is no one really expect large purchases so less guilt associated with multiple sipping. Then it was back on bus for the long trip back home where we got off in middle of town for some chinese at Dragon Palace or something – not sure have ever spent $100 as quickly for a meal and felt less satisfied. In summary though would say the tour group worked well and no real stragglers although you always had the “last on board ” pegged early. Also kinda surprised why anyone would bring a one-two year old on this trip. Maybe for the stale lamington?

An early night and then off to a lovely breakfast at Seven Seeds ( when in doubt return to faves) and onto Queen Victoria markets. Two amazing things happened here – CLP didnt buy much and I bought a pair of $80 shoes in about 3 mins – very against the norm for moi. Back to hotel and it then dawned on me there was a big race on today (Cox Plate) as da ladies were all tarted up and drinking champers at 10 am in hotel foyer. This could get ugly later when they returned . We wandered back around town for a while and had a beer just for a change before a quiet afternoon as we also had entertainment planned for later on with a BBQ dinner with an old workmate of CLP in East Melbourne. A couple of tram rides later and we were knocking on door at 530 pm expecting to be leaving again about 7 pm. I even downloaded a metro app to make sure of a quick getaway. So after about 6 bottles of wines and several beers for our little group of 6 it was 10 pm and could no longer even read the bloody iphone app! I had done it again – got full as a state school hat rack the night before a longish flight and even longer drive. If the sheilas at the hotel were partying I have no idea. About 4-5 hrs sleep max and it was out to QC before squishing into cattle class for a few hours and then a drive to Sunny Coast followed by the longer haul to Maryhole. Strangely felt better as the day progressed. Then the Qld heat hit!

So all in all a great jam packed week of drinking, seeing family, drinking, some sights, drinking, socialising with new friends and some drinking. As always after a time like this one realises one should have more holidays at home and the way the Aussie $ has tanked , next year is already taking shape for a return visit to Victoria. But I dont want devoted fans to think it is all beer and skittles for this little black duck

After all, still have to go to USA first in Feb next year for a play in the snow. Its a tough life but think I am up for it. I am known for my resilience. Or is that real sillyness ? I always get those two mixed up.

Later suckers

Decadent Dawdling in Daylesford

Posted: October 21, 2015 in Travel

Seasoned campaigners like us know a little planning goes a long way so had organised to pick hire car up from Footscray for quicker access to Western highway. This of course first meant a taxi from Spencer Street but still worth it. Pick up was straight forward and after some heavy traffic were quickly motoring along highway at a good clip on way to Daylesford. As we were early for booking we stopped in town for a coffee and a walk around. This was not going to chew up much time trust me. What was to become a common theme over next two days is that these small towns don’t open up a lot midweek. Then it was on to accomodation just outside Daylesford in a hamlet called Musk. Along the way though we saw a winery – Passing Clouds – which we mistook for Passing Clowns so thought we just had to drop in. A few tastings and a plate or two of cured meats couldn’t hurt surely.

We were staying at Peppermint Srings retreat on a rather pampered two night package which included two massages, a cooked two course meal in room and hot breakfasts both days. Additionally we were told bar fridge would be full and all free. Now this place was stocked with everything you could want including a bottle of sparkling wine and two straws. The cottage itself was massive and did I mention the full size spa bath and steam shower ? First up were the very relaxing massages before we tucked into the wine, cheese etc. Naturally I assumed both massages would be for me but alas was mistaken. After the late afternoon nibbles and gulping we were feeling rather full and dinner was still to come , along with an enema at some stage in the future methinks. A simple but beautifully prepared meal was further enhanced by rather rich desserts which are still sitting in fridge as I write. Ok maybe a few bites missing, don’t want to risk hypoglycaemia after all. It was early to bed for this LBD and a fairly restful night was had considering I really couldn’t move for fear of capsize.

Hot full breakfast the next morning meant exercise was needed STAT as the real dining experience was still to come. A good walk around the lake was in order on what was a very pleasant overcast day. The only problem with walking around a lake is once you get half way around you are committed anyway. So a couple more little side detours looking for Jason and it was time to go home and get dressed up to go back to – the Lake! Now this Lakehouse restaurant is very well known and highly regarded so a treat lay in store and did not disappoint. Only two courses needed as still had that dessert at home…… Quite reasonable really considering the quality and prestige. Then it was back home to defrock ( but still no Trakkies allowed) and then head in opposite direction to Trentham and a wonderful new world apparently. It was closed. We saw some Falls, a lookout, a wombat statue and plenty of closed shops. CLP went to the Diggers Shrine – no not fallen soldiers but rather potato seeders or something. We drove down a road to a Lost Children’s Monument which was two postcards on a tree and a broken Popsicle stick. The Tavern and Cidery closed 5 minutes before we arrived. We climbed the lookout and couldn’t see anything because of trees. It was just that sort of day. When all else fails go the pub I say. Back into Daylesford and the Royal hotel for a couple of cold ales. Being a gentleman I left $10 on counter for our two pots and headed to my own shrine or as some call it , the urinal. Got back and asked CLP where my change was and she said ” You owe me $2 ya clown” . Ain’t love grand ? Ok back to our retreat for a toasted sandwich and an early night for tomorrow we do everything in reverse. No, we don’t have wine and then breakfast but rather we have to return car to Melbourne CBD. Should be a barrel of laughs .

Melboring 2015 Part 1

Posted: October 20, 2015 in Travel

Time to trek south once more to see a bit more of Victoria and catch up with family. If the zoo was open of course. Shortish flight so cattle class will do but don’t cry for me just yet as am approaching said plane from the Qantas Club. Slightly smaller plane – 737- so actually boards from both ends. Bit like me at an all u can eat buffet. This should work well you would think? You walk down the skywalk and big sign directs seats 15-29 to right and out to back of plane. 1-14 stay left. Go down and climb up stairs and find our twin aisle seats easy enough and the watch the morons struggle. You would think sitting in row 19 no one should be coming from front of plane and going to back seats eg 21. You would be wrong. And of course morons gather in groups so you have clowns that boarded from back walking up to row 7! The only other certainty in life is that when you think you have the knob kiss and no one is seated next to you as doors about to close the last heifer arrives ( from the front of course!) and needs you to get up so they can almost squeeze into their seats. In ROW 19!

Easy enough flight I guess and picked up at airport by John and Lorraine which was very helpful. Now when I went to school they had slates. That is not relevant here though but the maths I did is. 13 kgs is 13 kgs right? Both of our bags weighed about the same but somehow CLP slipped 16 house bricks in her bag while on the baggage carousel ! And no wheels! It was so heavy on one side I walked around in circles for 30 secs whenever I put it down until my body alignment adjusted. Anyhoo a little detour to see latest addition to family- Alice – and a lovely lunch with Nic , Paul and Hannah before heading off to our digs for first 3 days with JL in Macleod. Needless to say the drinking started early only to be interrupted by the eating. Daylight saving too of course but this little black duck wasn’t waiting for no sun to set over yardarm. Which is about 10 pm. Apparently.

On Sunday we took a drive to Yarra Valley to visit some wineries and also Healesville. Oak ridge and Chandon were first up and always great to travel with someone who knows about wine- and is also prepared to be designated driver ! Chandon was especially impressive as CLP loves her bubbles. Healesville is a bit like Montville meets Nimbin with many interesting shops and characters. Strangely they all come from the one family! Sadly we couldn’t make the markets 😦 More wine purchased and even some rather famous Gin it appears. Time for some sweets so what better place than the Chocolaterie near Yarra Glen. Ok, it was Sunday but the crowd was massive for a rather isolated place. What is the diabetic % in Victoria anyway ? Then onto Yerring station for final visit before the trip back home on what had been a glorious day. The wine travelled pretty well too but strangely did not last 24 hrs.

On our third day we travelled into CBD as some folk had to work. He He Ha Ha. Another glorious day so after a stroll through the streets we took a river cruise on the Yarra and had a very pleasant lunch at Ponyfish Island. Then back home for a bex and a lie down because rumour had it there may be drinking involved later that night. They were right.

Lovely few days with family and then on Tuesday it was time to hire a car and drive to Daylesford for a couple of days. This of course would involve driving through Melbourne. Yikes,stay tuned fans