flashman181

No, not especially busy but feeling rather uninspired. You may think I still am after the following drivel

Last weekend was spent visiting the gang of 4 at Toowoomba followed by a night at Crane Winery in Kingaroy. A lot of driving to be sure but a lovely weekend. A late celebration of Will’s 8th birthday and a chance to see him play rugby again. He is no SBW but probably could still get a start for the Wallabies 🙂 Once again had dinner at that extraordinary little gem in Kingaroy – Cassis. A Saturday night and only 4 bookings – the locals do not know what they are missing. Ryan is as gorgeous as ever of course and that Rocky is going to be one big dog!

In world news we had the Urinal stand off for a while until both realised they had enormous dicks – I mean were enormous dicks. Of course with Buffoon Bob you only have to wait one news cycle for some new nonsense. First it was his pathetic response to Charlottesville but the one that summed him up best – and his stupidity combined with denial of all scientific fact – was the Eclipse photo

One can only hope that his followers in Bumfuck, Idaho did the same and will be blinded and not able to vote next time. His rallies continue to amaze if only for their pathetic nature and distortion of truth. Already the secret service budget is blown for the year with 4 more months to go! One does wonder where it will all end and is a pity as is a country I love for many reasons. I check out a lot of things on You Tube and always fascinated by 911 and all of the conspiracy theories that abound. Some skullduggery theories eg bombs in towers have a tinge of merit considering how the towers collapsed but the ones about no planes at all loses me.

In TV land it is all GOT and hacks and whacks. The next episode is either leaked or the most recent one ridiculed for time inconsistencies. As the writers say – why are people so worried about the speed of an unladen raven but easily accept dragons and zombies? Of course only one memory comes to mind in this discussion

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2R3FvS4xr4

I do think the writing has become sloppier as the action scenes have become bigger but it is all acceptable in the scheme of things. The geeks are very defensive of their baby mind you and consider it the best TV ever made. There is always a distinction between best and most watchable that many cant grasp but each to their own. There are always plenty of memes around but this one was the most obvious one that fit in with my sense of humour

In other TV news the second season of Top of the Lake was very poor. The Canadian TV cop show 19-2 is a very good example of the genre

“Between a Hard Rock and a Soft Red” approaches very quickly – Saturday Week – and from here on in will simply be referred to as Red Rock. While we may have been very lucky and a tad ignorant in the past there was a bit of a shock with the car rental insurance costs. In a typical underhanded way the actual rental costs are quite cheap but include nothing really. To insure the car and prevent a $4000 hold being placed on credit card for possible excess (amongst other nasty surprises)you need to pay about $40 a day for cover ( Hertz) . This is more than the actual rental costs of course. Hopefully the bad weather in SA has passed by time we get there and not yet stinking hot at Uluru. “Ireland Fling” (pending – not convinced) is well planned including most of accommodation. Car rental not explored yet – nor the Qatar stay over – but that will be a job for post Red Rock. Of course around time we have our first guinness it will be 12 months out from next solo USA trip and will be looking at flight specials 🙂 The plan is still not solid though, being caught between desire to see some new cities and longing for wintry repeat of Feb 2015 in NYC and Philly. San Diego still appeals and will be time spent in NYC and Boston as well with still maybe one more city. No more 2 week only visits for this LBD

Sadly Suze has indeed gone and is missed more than expected. With that and Sexie Coffee Drive through closing permanently tomorrow am not sure if I can go on

Luckily I shot 76 off the stick yesterday so will probably hang around at least one more week

Now that you have returned form the store having stocked up with canned goods and bottled water for the pending apocalypse this image suggests at lets investigate a bit further. The dire warning accompanying this nonsense is “winter heatwave” approaching. Now I for one – and the only one that currently matters – love our current weather with coolish nights and glorious clear days. Clowns with darts in hands of course cant handle simply good weather so need to find something to alarm the citizens with – not a difficult task mind you

“What we mean by this is, the thresholds for heatwave criteria are about four to five degrees above average for both maximum and minimum temperatures for at least three days.”

Ergo, we can claim 3 days of 26-27 degrees max as a heat wave and attach scary image as well to really force home the message. While this is bad enough what really ticks me off are the attached 95% comments along the lines of “yay need some warm weather” Yeah because 340 days a year of that shit aint enough eh. Fuck off to the equator will ya

Speaking of glorious weather , CLP dropped up for the weekend. Luckily I was home. As always we planned a trip to the bay and catch up with some old workmates or as I call them nonreduntirees. You know, suckers. First up though a leisurely walk through Queens Park on this beautiful day. It really is a prize gem in the middle of town mostly underused which is fine by moi. There were about 10 times amount of people in Dan Murphys when we visited later which kinda sums up Maryhole 🙂 In the meantime though

A quick coffee at the old Muddy Waters – which has changed name but sadly left the mud behind – before another walk through Portside Heritage precinct and town. The former is a credit to the town and reminds me I should visit there more often. The latter is the town. Duh. Home for a bite and check internet is still working – more later – and then off to the Bay to catch up with Cec and Brian. Simply spectacular day and as Cec was on call – having gone over to the dark side which came with a surprisingly bright shirt though – we started with a coffee at Black Dog cafe. Simply shocking service as guy wanted to close up. Only cafe ever been to where they serve you the coffee outside and then lock up and leave. 2 hrs later the cups were still there! We know this as we were next door at Houlihans – I know how to plan for contingencies 😉

Cec had to go back to work – those ESRs dont read themselves – but we made plans to catch up later in the year when we can all drink! Then it was down the road a bit further for a long walk of a short pier before tucking into some fish and chips sandy side as you do. Simply a glorious day and again a place should visit more

And now to the “world is ending” previously alluded to ie internet problems. Devoted fans would know of my belief that the cool nights cause appliance issues in Flashtown – garage doors, fire alarms, mousetraps etc. Not too surprising then that from Tue to Fri had some internet problems with many drop outs after a minute or two connection. The modem is a couple of years old so a likely contender but by 10 am all was sweet for rest of day – amazingly the same time the garage door finally opens. By Friday though things had worsened so rang Internode – always reliable support. Went through the usual crap like – “Is it turned on at the wall Sir?” etc and then she noted that Telstra was listing issues online for “ADSL in Maryhole” which was clearly urgent as they expected it fixed by next Tuesday having been working on it since last Sunday! This seemed like a plausible excuse but the helpful lass reset the port for me anyway. Then we lost all connectivity, forget simply dropping out . “Yes, that can happen sometimes Sir” No shit Sherlock! Still not convinced it was only Telstra asked CLP to bring up her modem as a backup while contemplating “resetting the modem” which is right up there with ” time for that prostate exam Sir” It was strange that the puter couldnt even recognise the modem was connected but after listing down some modem sales sites in Hervey Bay took the plunge and hit reset button. Then the fun started. Had my Billion 7800n router set up guide for Internode open on iPad. Fairly simple really with basically username and password and tick a couple of boxes. Nope nothing and now the green DSL light was not only not flashing it wasnt even green. As hard as it is for me to do I knew it was time to leave it, watch the Broncos get smashed and then go to bed. Woke up the next morning red eyed and bushy tailed and turned on puter and modem – yep still yellow light. Hmm wait a minute I have been using my network security password ( 12345 – please dont tell anyone) rather than my actual Internode password (1234) . Tried the latter and colour me Chauncey everything worked.

Fair to say with internet back up and a booteeful day at the beach Saturday was pretty sweet. Some more holiday planning done with a week now in Victoria planned for December and I am officially broke but happy. And then the sadness hit again – self inflicted mind you. Had been contemplating selling Suze for a few months ( Susuki SV 1000) but fairly half hearted effort with only 1 free ad on Gumtree. Lo and behold someone took bait, dropped in (from Emerald) last week and now confirmed they will buy it and take it next Monday. So I took her for a ride this morning and remembered why I loved it so much. Still think it is right decision as hardly ever ride it anymore but it will be hard

You know how it is – that feeling when you love to throw the leg over, the wind in your hair and that feeling of power between your legs not to mention a comfortable slight vibration ?

you would miss it right?

Now imagine not being able to go for a ride on a motorbike afterwards as well 😦

Now imagine

Middle of July and Winter is Here. Unless of course you were trying to stream GOT premiere on Foxtel Go 😉 Foxtel were devastated. Until they looked at their new subscriptions and realised they would be ok. Claim the interest was “unprecedented” and totally unpredictable because there was no hype around the “event” . Now, devoted fans would know of my ability to gain an audience by a well thought out “status update” on the perilous state of the world. I assume they know of course because there is never any actual discussion entered into. That is of course until you dare to suggest that the hype around the GOT premiere was a tad over the top and suddenly they come out of the woodwork. People I thought were dead suddenly rise up like well ….. a White Walker I guess to smack me down to dare suggest that their lives may not have changed forever upon this unveiling. Now this is a great show indeed with simply some of the best action scenes you will ever see spread out over their first 6 seasons. And spread out it is because there is a bit of padding in between which of course is fair enough and mostly needed. All previous seasons have been a slow build until the penultimate episode usually so with only half a season basically this year it is a fair assumption that it may not get real tasty for about 5-6 weeks and then finish on a real cliffhanger which will leave us all looking like

It has of course been a mild winter so far. July does mean its time to gather for the annual “Della Xmas in July” at Canungra. Try saying that 3 times quickly after a few sherberts. The forecast was “bone chilling” @ 3 degrees in morning so packed the fur lined thongs. I should have taken some footwear too. Mind you when I limped in and saw Bruce sitting in chair in shorts and T-shirt twanging a guitar and singing ( I think?) “Put another log on the fire” I knew it wouldnt matter. It was toasty 24/7. Speaking of which it was a reduced gathering so were relying on “other suppliers” for the imbibing stuff to toast health and wealth with. Of course I always find with drinking if the company is great that is all that matters ergo we had a great time. Until someone popped the champagne and almost took out CLP’s eye . (That one will cost me)

SOO dominated the sporting landscape of course and have already enthralled you with my views on that. The Blues Blamegame has been fun to watch in the following days leading into that fun time filler game “Who will coach the Blues next year” ?. The NRL premiership seems like a game of 3 – Storm, Sharks and Roosters – but all depends on injuries over coming weeks. Apparently Wimbledon was on – I only know because of my smartphone app “What is Kate wearing today” alerted me and I saw some grass and white lines in the background. At first I thought it was Josh Dugans verandah……

Mum turned 91 so that is a fair feat. I may never catch her at this rate . She is so old in fact they didnt even have colour photography back then

Yesterday my life flashed before my eyes. But first some backfill as the Bishop said to the actress. As a reduntiree my tax, and life in general, is rather simple. I pay some and I get it back and its all very easy on the My Gov website. This year was slightly different as apparently there is a limit to how much Super you can drag down without paying tax on it and my limit was “10 months ago ya clown”. This then bought up a new term in my calculated refund so put in a quick call to ATO 2.5 weeks ago ( remember that date folks) just to check. As always the 24/7 help line is thwarted if you enquire about anything more complex than what is my TFN? I was promised a return call within 48 hrs though. Ok I can wait just to be sure. 72 hrs passed and I figured stuff it what could go wrong and anyway horizontal stripes are “thinning” and black and white my two fave colours. Duly uploaded and got assessed and refunded 10 days later. Quickly went online and splurged on EBay for a Pauline Hanson signed Drone (surely a marketing dream not yet realised?)and sat by the letterbox. Yesterday – still following?- my phone rang and it was the ATO. Gulp! “Hello Sir How are you today” ? ” Still out of jail, how are you”? “Fine , Sir , just giving you the promised callback about the Q Super lump sum tax” ? ” No mate she is sweet I was mistaken, no problems at all. Sorry I have another call to take” ” Well you have a nice day Sir” Well I will now !

Its not all peaches and cream in Maryhole though. Shocking news this week with Sexie Coffee to close down next month! What is a man to do for that 6 am caffeine hit via the drive through while still in PJs? Get out of the car and speak to people ??? Not only that, it is actually the best coffee in town. Research will be required but I am a man of routine and this has thrown a spanner in the works .

Hey wait a minute – can I claim that spanner on my tax ?

Meanwhile

And as the financial year draws to an end it appears I have less finances than same time last year but have seen new places. Fair swap methinks. Of course also means we are in the middle of winter. Apparently. Of course the predicted rain for today in Maryhole did not eventuate but at least the cloud cover is keeping it warm for the cry babies who panic if it dares to hit single digits. I know where I would stick their single digit. Now you would have to be a Trump supporter not to know that a cold spell is on its way in every part of east coast but here this weekend and in keeping with same it brings up the fake news like the headline in Courier Mail yesterday that temperatures would “plummet to 13 degrees over night in Brisbane”! Seriously? In the good old days overnight temps of 13 meant it was September at last. Its similar on You Tube where every caption is something like “watch CNN DESTROY Trump supporter”

As hard as one may try and stay away it is almost impossible to ignore Trump at present. Sadly. Everytime you think it cant get weirder it does. Has there ever been anyone with less grasp of reality yet still supported by his enablers. He has achieved nothing except the lay down misère of a Supreme Court pick yet is already fund raising for 2020! He complains incessantly of “fake news” yet has fake Time Cover stories plastered on the walls of his private golf club. His tweets continue to be those of an unhinged mind and just when you though Spicer was the biggest goose on the planet they roll out Huckabee Sanders to “explain”. I hate biased reporting from any side but really can anyone match Hannity for rabid dog behaviour? And of course there are cameras everywhere now clown – despite your wishes it aint 1950 still

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5Wp8lmFTjg

Knocked off several great shows since last we spoke. Wentworth is a great Aussie drama and ended yet another superb season with a beauty. Leftovers was hard to follow at times but well worth the effort and Fargo is reliable as ever if a little “more of the same”. Better Call Saul is a brilliant example of the perfect prequel but is moving rather slowly it seems. Veep is running out of legs and at its best when Selina isnt on as most of her lines are simply frat boy banter. A good final episode at least. Am enjoying the Netflix show Glow. Foxtel Fools are giving away 3 weeks of free drama pack that expires on July 16. The day before GOT 7 returns 🙂 Wentworth, Veep etc all finished . Its the dullest 3 weeks in the year!

As a weekend hacker – transplanted to Wednesday – it was especially pleasing to see Spieth struggle last week and still win. Seriously driving wise he couldnt land a paper plane in the Pacific Ocean and he was missing putts from 3 feet and not even hitting the hole. By the end he was deliberately aiming for bunkers so he wouldnt have to putt. Worked a treat 🙂 The only talking point though this week is SOO 3 and who comes into Maroon team although there is one bigger question – does anyone actually like DCE? For me, I would keep Morgan on bench as better value there. Bring in Munster to centre and DCE to number 6. Does anyone really care all that much about the cricket pay dispute. Nope. Until Ashes rolls around and Glen Maxwell is captain

In Golden Triangle talk the triangle is getting bigger and a tad out of shape. Its early days still of course but these are the best days. Las Vegas just doesnt seem to grab despite a couple of flirtations over the years. Continually drawn back to the other side with prospect of reliving the wonderful winter of 2015. So while San Diego still appeals the lure of NYC and Boston is strong. Preferred accommodation is a big issue for us old farts and is getting harder and harder to get an “apartment” in many cities. NYC is basically impossible these days and one accepts that you can find a suitable hotel to lay down your head for a few nights as all the action is on the streets. I dropped a quick email to my old Boston lodgings from 2016 to see if thought still open in 2019 and he rang me back in 5 mins! This is the sort of service that makes one comfortable when visiting the land of Trump. As fly in and out of LA coming back to San Diego is not a deal breaker although direct flights from Boston are problematical. First world problems

At least there is always Facebook and their helpful messages like – “do you want to know what happens when you unfriend someone? “. Nope, pretty sure I can follow the concept. The only real benefit of Facebook these days really are the regular pictures of the 6 pack that appear as they continue to grow and explore the world. Nothing better of course then when they congregate as a herd 🙂

Yeah its been a while. Been busy enjoying the Qld “winter” experience while it lasts. Cool nights and glorious blue sky days. Heaven on earth. The prospect of an approaching EVENT have the darts all stiffening over at Weather INC but does seem to be mainly northern NSW and creeping into Gold Coast

Speaking of the dawn of a new era and creeps from NSW, Kevvie has thrown both of “da boys” in the wheelbarrow and fronted up to the media with a new look team for SOO 2. Of course NSW media couldnt resist the dig about the “loyalty” chant which of course shows their combined IQ has them limited to the front row in any team put on the park. Qld were loyal in game 1 and it cost us big time. The irony of NSW naming same team is not lost on this LBD but it is all swings and roundabouts. QLD had a great run on continuity over last decade and it was never going to last. Scott and Inglis going down early were first signs. 7 changes are a lot but at least 4 were easy peasy – ONeill, Myles, Lillyman and Guerra had to go. Oates was a good call because although he “looked” good in game one and made no mistakes he also provided no real penetration. Wallace is the inspired call because with suspension likely we can all cry “foul” and ” rigged” when he gets a week tonight 🙂 Stirs up the supporters well. While I suspect NSW will still win in Sydney with Qld winning dead rubber to farewell JT, blooding some new blokes now will help in years to come. On the local front, no one likes to see a gifted player like Milf get injured but I for one think Broncs will do just fine with Benji there. Devoted followers know my view of Milf as one of the most overrated players pulling on the shorts and socks these days. In the meantime, here is hoping……

In TV land two media darlings – HOC and OITNB – have returned for season 5 and both show signs of maybe 4 was enough. Finished HOC and very predictable on one hand and unbelievable on the other but at least kept you engaged to a degree. If the Dark Knight tried to blackmail me so I could see season 5 of OINTB he would not get a brass razoo dear readers. Only 2 eps in and it is dull dull dull. Not sure will even finish this season but certainly wont be no binge watch. Not with shows like Fargo and BCS still going strong. For Caged Heat requirements always have Wentworth. Will save up the mind fark that Twin Peaks and American Gods will be for when suitably rested and heavily medicated

Online community is both a wonderful resource but also a place where assholes flourish in relative anonymity. I tend to peruse Trip Advisor for travel, Whirlpool for TV/Movies and LINE for in game chat. For every helpful tip on TA there is always an equally useless/sarcastic comment. Not sure what the criteria is for “TA destination expert” is but suggest it may involve ” must have left school at 15 and still living with parents at 30″ type scenario. Locked away in the attic busily spewing forth invective while baked beans are reheating. Interesting show a few years ago about how these so called “experts” had sent several businesses into bankruptcy with their reviews. Of course if you follow everything you read on TA then….

In the media world all opinions are subjective of course but the way some folk get so precious if you dare suggest that the latest season of “blockbuster” may have dipped a tad in the quality stakes is amazing. They seem to struggle with the concept that you can be critical of a show yet still watch it . If it was a new show that didnt engage in first few episodes then you would dump it but when a show like OITNB that was good at the start then you are going to keep watching it and hoping it picks up. Until that one whole bad season like with Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Didnt even come back for Season 3. The same will likely happen with OITNB Season 6. Then there are the in game forums which sadly are mostly an avenue for a sticker off contest to see who can post the cutest one combined with most inane comment. You come back after 24 hrs and the feed there are 120 messages with only one useful actual bit of info in there that you will never find. Usually have one game on the go until it gets to the point where will need a significant financial input to progress further. Rival Kingdoms was it so have walked away now. To Guardian Kingdoms 🙂 Great little game initially which became very popular. So developers opened it up worldwide and the rich Asians have now joined and the game will have a finite life as soon becomes unplayable due to the number of “big” players with even bigger online accounts. Mind you I once spent $2.99 in Candy Crush but in my defense Your Horror , it was a bitch of level. Here is hoping level 2 is easier. In general people have been pissing me off this week in case you hadnt noticed

In holiday land “Between a Rock and a Soft Red” is well bedded down with the occasional winery/foodie event added as time approaches. The Ireland Fling is at the stage where start looking at accommodation with only 2 real stipulations – must be open in February ( a bit of a deal breaker to be fair) and must provide complimentary umbrellas. That then leaves the fun part of planning USA 2019 – The Golden Triangle. This initial monica basically covers all USA trips in early stages as it involves drinking beer in 3 cities relatively close to each other 🙂 Early faves for Feb 2019 are Los Angeles/San Diego/Las Vegas but heart not quite sold yet. One problem is at least two of these are predominantly “hotel” cities which is not my ideal choice for week long stays. In trying to recreate the glorious winter holiday of 2015 flirted with Chicago again but they now have a 17% lodging tax and basically conventions 10 months of the year and for the other two are under the polar ice cap. So likely will change over time and as it is the planning that is fun not a big issue. To be honest could really go back to New York in February every year and have a great time but not particularly adventurous eh. Probably need to start thinking more seriously a year out by which stage will be in Ireland drinking Guinness.

What could go wrong….

If there is one thing that gets the old Isobar pointing north for the weather folk it is the prospect of an EVENT. Only has to be a prospect mind you and of course have to shoot your load a few days early so that no chance you are actually proven wrong – 7% accuracy record not withstanding – when nothing like what was predicted actually occurs. Then if you can direct some blood flow back to above the waist you need a name. It must have taken hours to come up with THE BIG WET unless of course they were referring to their bedsheets that morning when the clouds rolled in. As we go to print we are smack back in the middle of said EVENT and it has been a tad ordinary. Now if you actually can be bothered delving into the post you may see that for this actual area it was never going to be Armageddon but that doesnt stop the all encompassing screaming headlines in the local, very dry as it turns out, rag.

Mind you at least it is a break from the usual headlines of recent weeks demanding that a 10 lane tunnel be built stat between Tiaro and Maryborough. Now dont get me wrong, road accidents are tragic in so many ways but riddle me this. Yes there have been a lot of accidents in the last 6 weeks on this stretch but the road has not changed has it?? If it was as bad as you say 2 months ago, 6 months ago why are all these accidents happening now ? Just remember be careful what you wish for. It is of course always amusing to listen to non locals refer to “Tiaro” is so many different ways

There was one headline that had the fans gasping this week. “Flash strings two good rounds together”

Now it is impossible to explain the impact of “slope” etc on the actual handicap you play with on that day to a non golfer but suffice to say it is low as my golf handicap has been from memory which these days runs as far back as April 2017! While good in one way not so good when it comes to the bets against the Burglars from Bamff that roam the course with alarming frequency

Last weekend was another Burbank gathering to celebrate the Della Patriach birthday. And just as I was starting to fit back into my clothes

Now Ant tried something different this time. Supposedly 3 bottles of 2008 Coonawarra Cab Savs to taste in a blind test. It worked. By the end I was blind. But not that blind to realise the 3rd one was actually water! Fool me once shame on me. Fool me twice it must be a day ending in y

In sporting world there is an interesting contrast between cricket and NRL at present. The cricketers want to keep getting a share of revenue rather than a fixed wage and this is what the NRL players want to shift to. Seems to make sense to me – if pulling in more money surely the players deserve a slice of the pie. Conversely if they lose crowds/ratings their wages drop. What am I missing here? Showing photos of Bob Boom boy getting out of his Lamborghini is a cheap shot and missing the point. As I understand it the big names are trying to get a better deal for all levels of players including shield players. The fact that some are already obscenely overpaid is not the point. In other amusing news the QT man doesnt want to release Milford to SOO if he may just be a bench warmer. Would have to check history but wonder what similar processes he may have followed when he was SOO coach ? Speaking of SOO I suspect this is the year that the Blues start to dominate. Will largely depend on the first game of course but if they get a win early they could really go on with it for a few years. They are confidence players so if they lose the first again likely be in the foetal position in the change rooms after the game

In TV land have been watching 13 Reasons. Why? Not sure but it is engaging enough. Mind you there is so much to watch these days it is hard to fit it all in. Better Call Saul continues to enthrall even waiting week to week with the plebs. American Crime was dull dull dull so no surprise it was cancelled. Handmaids Tale continues to intrigue and would suggest Moss may have to fall off the edge of the world not to get the Emmy next time around. If only Pippa Middleton could drop off the planet. zzzzzzzzz

On that note there was an interesting article today from the makers of this show which was being shot during US Presidential elections and that how the dystopian future of Gilead was happening in real life! You become immune to a degree with the daily mistakes by Trump and just when you think he will pull back he doubles down. One can only see party revolt or impeachment in the near future and the prospect of the latter already sent some shivers through stock market. Not good for us reduntirees! Of all his stoopid statements this week – and there was a Melbourne Cup field – this one is best summed up below

So on that sombre note lets throw in a couple of T Shirts that bought a smile to my face. Yes it does happen and I have photographic evidence. Somewhere

There was movement at the station, for the word had passed around
That the colt from old Regret had got away,
Would he join the wild bush horses even if frost be on the ground,
And all the lips would be cracked that day ?
All the tried and noted forecasters from the stations near and far
Had mustered at the news station overnight,
For the clowns said nightly temps could fall to single digits
So Horsie went back to his stable “I aint going to be Frigit”
The End

It was a slow news week admittedly with only the spectre of WW3 hanging over our heads so it was natural that copy editors scrambled for worthwhile news. I believe in their contracts there is a clause requiring that at least 10% of all reporting is weather related and with the thrill of record heatwaves all but a distant memory they were panicking. Still difficult to justify the headline on Wednesday – you know the day after Anzac Day – in the local Fraser Coast Chronically Ill “What does the cold snap mean for the Fraser Coast” ? Hard to say which is more of a concern – the headline is considered news or that there were 347 comments and likes. For investigative purposes only I clicked on the link – and taken to a subscription page if I wanted to read the article! Ya cant write this stuff. Hey, I could be a news reporter too then 😉

Speaking of Maryhole the Pub Fest is on tomorrow so Bogan Central on Dole Day suddenly expands city wide with many blow ins to make up the numbers. Use to be June Long Weekend and now punted to May Day weekend. In a few years it will be an extended lunch on Sunday August 3rd so get in quick and see if you cant get those weather updates of the front page by dressing up and making a fool of yourself hanging from a Mary Poppins statue with an umbrella back door adjacent.

Anzac Day continues to gain gravitas each year which is of course a great sign in this otherwise me me me society we live in. Me me me stayed in bed but my thoughts were with them – at least until Sexie Coffee opened at 6 am. I was able to listen to the live broadcast of the wreath laying ceremony and observe my minutes silence. Well 3 actually – not sure that new drive through system is working well fellas 😉 Of course it wouldnt be Anzac Day without some “controversial statement” and Anthony Mundine was out of the country so passed on that baton. Good folk were suitably shocked and horrified and then we moved on. If I were to make the effort again sounds like the Elephant Rock ceremony at Currumbin would be the one to attend which would have a certain symmetry to it given all of the wonderful childhood memories associated with said place. Sadly Tony Abcess was there so lets address the elephant in the room. Oh, rocks cant talk? Ok lets move on.

In sporting land Broncs got rub of the green second week in a row. Now the QT man could whine for Australia but his comment about accepting bad calls as part of the game is still valid. Coaches will always blame bad decisions rather than the teams 33% completion rate or a Burgii committing more foul play etc. The best wins are always those against adversity. Just ask the Gallipoli veterans. Whats that – we didnt win that one ? Ok, bad example but you get my point. Some of our best SOO victories were in such circumstances but there have been so many now hard to recall exact year #10isthenew11. One thing we do know though is that Broncs need Jimmy the Jet on the field to advance far into any end of season shenanigans. Much like Cowboys with JT etc. Only exception to the rule is Rabbitohs – end of season success is inversely proportional to how many Burgii play each week.

In TV land Bosch Season 3 was great and simply put is the best cop procedural around at present. Cleverly blends a couple of Connolly novels into one story – much like a batch of Anzac biscuits – and also continues story from previous season. Bates Motel finished a mostly great 5 season run with a suitable conclusion at least for those who knew it was based on the Ed Gein yarn rather than Anthony Perkins doing a spell in the looney bin in between spells of mayhem and naughtiness. Has limited the chance of a revival – never say never – down the track unless Norma comes back in Disneys Frozen 2. I’m here all week, try the veal. But make sure it is thawed out. Billions continues to impress and Gotham returned with the final emerging of The Riddler. Just need Catwoman to emerge out of her suit next week and it will be compulsory viewing in this household

In Travel news Qantas have announced direct flights from Perth to London starting next year – one week after we fly over. Now I dont consider this bad luck per se as not convinced that the Dreamliner is all that great especially in the cheap seats caper. We like a stop over in Dubai anyway so all in all lucky we were still able to do our trip with Qantas as Emirates dont offer PE of course. Speaking of travel I usually scan the travel forums like TA in the late afternoon over a glass of Chateau de Chasselas. Here I am with a few mates just yesterday

Now these forums can be very useful but are also the haunts of many assholes who delight in derogatory and sarcastic replies to simple questions. Guess it is the pinnacle of their pathetic lives to appear to know something more than someone else. I have set myself up as a Maryhole TA expert but as yet have had no enquiries . Odd eh. Speaking of assholes I do hope this new trend takes off like a Qantas Pantyliner direct to Timbuktoo

http://www.ufunk.net/en/insolite/cheeky-exploits/

Speaking of Ireland in 2018 I think this is the famous Ring of Kerry everyone talks about ?

My FB feed has way too much junk in it but every now and again one jumps out from some obscure source that raises a chuckle. Here is one I prepared earlier. While the Anzac Biscuits were cooking

I also made the mistake this week of joining a FB group “Dad Jokes” for a few hours only to have my feed flooded with some of the lamest stuff you could ever hope for. In between the crap of course always a couple of nuggets which will leave you with this week.

No new celebrity deaths aware of, no mushroom clouds and no splinters from my cross work. All in all a good week I guess

Did kick off with a chocolate festivus cleverly disguised as Easter and the start of a run of about 3 months of short weeks. Can I just say as a reduntiree I hate public holidays – really cuts into the time available to do my 15 mins work a week on the Golf Course. Um, hours I mean. Easter of course means a gathering of the Della Clan at Burbank, minus the young campers. As always plenty to eat and drink – including marshmallow a la ash – but was amused when Ant bought out a bottle of White. Yeah we will drink that rather than hook into the perfectly cellared St Hallet Shiraz. Duh. Also began a new tradition of the 500 Cup. Now 500 for me is a lot like Chess with their strategies like the Chekhover Variation of the Sicilian Defence. For me it was the Maryhole Variation of the QUT Luncher . Like CLP, honed my 500 game at QUT but then was able to refine it sligltly while working at Maryhole Pathology in the early days. It is amazing how you can fit in 17 games in your 10 minute tea break when everyone knows what they are doing. And they were QUT boys to start with. They cleverly split CLP and me though and I played with Ant while CLP took on Claude. Claude learnt in Sicily and Ant I think in a winery between bottles of red 🙂 Only joking MATE! Now this is not real 500 as Misere is not allowed which makes for rather tepid bidding in my view. In Maryhole , things didnt get interesting until 9 No Trumps as a blocking move started. Fondest memory is Dazza going 9 NT, picking up Joker and Ace in the kitty and still lamenting “Damn, one trick short “. There is of course no right way or wrong way to play (rules not withstanding ) but partners need to understand each others play and we will continue to work on that. At present stands at 1 all after 3 hours of 7 spades bids 🙂

Easter , sadly, is also associated with road chaos which amazingly seems to get worse each year. I leave early and travel in opposite direction to the masses. There was a tragic fatality just south of Maryhole on Easter Monday for which exact reason not quite known but it isnt the quality of the road folks. However many, including politicians, still call for money to be spent upgrading a perfectly acceptable road. They wont be happy until it is 4 lanes from Cairns to Brisbane. Never happen but if people keep complaining about it then they will do what they did around Gympie. Buy 4 road signs for $20 and bung a 90 with a red circle around it for the “trouble spots”. Then see the impatience and frustration increase on busy days. And of course they will throw in a radar or two and actually make money!

In sporting world sick and tired of all the NRL player movement news, fake news and click bait. Worst proponent in my experience is Triple M on FB with screaming headlines like “Massive News out of Wests Tigers” and the accompanying comment “Wow” . Click……and…….. “there could be news as early as next Monday on the fate of Tedesco and Woods” . Unfollowed. Not sure why Tiger Woods is even news anymore. More back surgery, not playing again this year. Did he play this year? I forget.

Holiday wise has been a bit hectic with trying to finish plans for “Between a Rock and a Soft Red” in September and cement plans for “Galway, Guinness and Gorges” (note early days, reserve right to change when have more time to think of something smart AND hilarious) in February 2018. Just worried may have booked a wine tour in Clare Valley only to find it is the one in Cork, Ireland and not South Australia! Uluru is certainly looking like a jam packed few days with Field of lights, Olgas and even a Segway around the base of Uluru to name a few highlights. Dublin and London Accomodation sorted and all flights booked. Now just wait on North Korea to stuff it all up

In TV land Broadchurch Season 3 was weak and 24 Legacy left none. Billions Season 2 is looking the goods as expected and Girls finished a mostly enjoyable 6 season run well. Just glad to get one lasting image of Lena Dunham naked to keep me warm this winter. Veep returned with usual quality and looking forward to Bosch Season 3 this weekend followed shortly by new House of Cards. Its a busy life on the couch. And not just the one in the Doctors office trust me.

Today though is most memorable for an event 10 years ago. I went to work. Ah sorry, no I meant the wedding of Number One Son (and only one actually, thus making it easier to remember) Tony and his lovely wife Leigh. They now have 3 wonderful kiddies and well settled into full on family life in Toowoomba . Don’t get to see them as much as I should or would like but know they are doing very well and that is all a parent can wish for. And plenty of photos 😉

In stunning news this week we are still heading to Ireland in February next year.

The blurring of “news” reporting and social media was never more clear than yesterday afternoon when my local weather feed on FB sent out an alert. The temperature would drop to 14 degrees overnight! I realise these folk get a tad forlorn when no apocalyptic event on the horizon but this is a new low – bit of weather humour for ya there – even for them. Speaking of a disappearing bar the folk at Today have done it again. Your average viewer is a bit thick so we need to have someone – lets call him Karl – sit in a dingy and row up and down the street because the fact that the top of the street sign is only 1 cm above the water level isnt enough evidence about how much water is there. Being your typical ocker millionaire of course he had to row past the pub and ask for a beer from the men on the verandah – classic Mike Moore cringe. Now if they really wanted to portray a true Aussie image have a croc jump out of the water and swallow him whole. Alas, even though they evolve slowly even your average croc cant swallow Karl. Then we had the image of the 9 dingy almost hitting the 7 dingy heading the other way. Ya cant write this stuff.

It was a week that would always be dominated for me by the best Sports viewing all year – the final nine at Augusta – and it did not disappoint. There are players you never want putting for your life – Greg Norman , Adam Scott, Sergio Garcia to name a few. Every now and again though they do putt well and become world beaters and there was never a more mixed bag then Sergio over last few holes. The putts on 16 and 18 were woeful while in between some clutch putts on 15 and 17. Jordan Spieth , who you would like to putt for your life, still has some demons at 12 and does some strange things at times for such an experienced player. Once Scotty missed two relatively easy putts in first 3 holes it was all over. And of course once again a couple of multimillionaire golfers showed all other multimillionaire sportsmen how to behave with class under pressure.

Homeland finale was ok but also a bit disappointing after a promising season. We know it has at least 2 more seasons and it ended with that in mind. Broadchurch has been pretty good this season as long as you can accept every man in the town is clearly an asshole. It is clearly a ploy writers use to expand the suspect pool but it does jar a bit in this particular instance. Prison Break is back ? Familiar faces too. Tried Prime Suspect 1973 but it was cod ordinary. Prefer to see Helen Mirren at 73 to be honest. Line of Duty on the other hand continues to shine

It was also a week that the world lost Don Rickles and for once there was not an outpouring of emotion – “oh gawd he was only 90, taken so young” – but rather a celebration of his peculiar comedy. I always found him hit and miss but when he hit he hit with the best of them. And then the curtain fell. Yesterday came the terrible news of the passing of John Clarke. This one hit hard. Some people love his early work like Fred Dagg and some prefer his later Clarke and Dawe gig but for me it will always be The Games. In a Melbourne Cup field of memorable episodes cant go past the 100m track. These episodes are so chock full of gems you can easily forget that apart from the classic dialogue surrounding the 100m track this is also the episode with Robbo’s Press conference and Kevin Nowra!

John Clarke: I don’t understand then, Mr Wilson, why in the construction of a 100-metre track you would want to depart too radically from the constraints laid down for us by the conventional calibration of distance.
John Clarke: Mr Wilson. Do you know who is the current 100 metres all-comers Australian record holder?
Mr Wilson: Can I guess?
John Clarke: There’s not much point in guessing.
Mr Wilson: Is he an African American?
John Clarke: He’s not an African American, no.
Mr Wilson: Is he that Canadian from Jamaica?
John Clarke: No, he’s not a Canadian from Jamaica.
Mr Wilson: I give up.
John Clarke: The 100-metre record in this country, Mr Wilson, is currently held by Bryan.
Mr Wilson: Bryan?
Bryan Dawe: Yes.
Mr Wilson: Congratulations.
Bryan Dawe: Thank you.
John Clarke: A new mark, Mr Wilson, set at a blistering session last Wednesday. I wish you’d been there. We were down there and we had a bet.
Mr Wilson: Was this wind assisted?
John Clarke: No, and we’d had a couple, and in my view Bryan is not in quite the nick he was in at the same stage of last season.

On Monday as usual caught up with latest Clarke and Dawe on You Tube – Cyclone Malcolm. Clever as always but there is likely concensus that the most memorable one was “The Front fell off” Here is one I prepared earlier – circa 1991.

Both of these classics show the typical Clarke humour which, in my experience, was unique. Luckily we can always sit down and catch up with them at our leisure but it is sad to think there will be no more new material.

Not as sad of course as for his family and loved ones. All things are relative. RIP Fred Dagg

To be fair the weather bureau nailed this one. Despite referring to 127 different models they were following in days leading up to “CATASTROPHIC EVENT” their preferred option has proven mostly correct. And havent there been some tents in news reporters pants. There is of course a certain fascination with disaster – as long as not happening to you directly – but a 5 min update every 2-3 hrs would give us all the info we need. We dont need 24/7 coverage of Debbie unless coming from Dallas which of course lead to the many peurile references to blow jobs etc. When not in the gutter many headlines seemed to have a military slant like “SHOCK AND AWE”. I would indeed be shocked and awed if the news stations didnt always try and turn this into a ratings war everytime. Only watching a few mins every day likely meant I missed many of the more ridiculous lead ins in a Melbourne Cup field but these ones caught my ear

Karl Suffinnoidea on 9 – “Dont want to make this bigger than it is” then crossed to one of their 23 “live” reporters just in Bowen – coming to you from top of a Palm tree already on a 45 degree slant

Reporter ” Police have pleaded with sightseers to stay off the roads. We have been driving around all night and noticed many cars on the road stopped and looking” Hey Shit for Brains did you happen to notice most of them had signs on their doors like 7,9,10 NEWS ?? #oxygenwasters

And the latest and greatest this morning around 6 am. Flashing lights and screaming headlines for latest Nine News Alert “We have been notified that Brisbane will receive a months rain today and many suburbs will have flash flooding. Which suburbs will be affected? Dont miss tonights special bulletin at 6 pm only on 9” You know, several hours after all the suburbs have been flooded and people stranded. You can’t write this crap

Naturally this rain has impacted even on me. No golf yesterday and no golf course work today unless want to go scuba diving for the bunker rakes. More importantly though had a lot of driving planned for this weekend to Brisbane to see the white sheep of the family in transit from Doha and also The Six Pack at Beachmere and Toowoomba. The rain will have passed but just have to keep an eye on road closures. Just hope drive through at Maccas isnt closed!

In TV land there seems to be a raging business now for PPs ? Prosthetic Penises that is . First up Phil – Trumps fave character on The Americans – let it all hang out and a little to the side on Girls. Then Eric whipped it out on Big Little Lies – and it was all the former. Ya with me ? Our Nic gave him a serve literally and all he can say now is “Juice” ? May not have been a foot fault but certainly 8-9 inches. Girls has actually been very good in this its last season and Big Little Lies is certainly absorbing if a little soapy. Our Nic is flashing it all about and why not if look that good at 49 ? Bates Motel has been uneven although had an interesting twist on the good old shower scene. Good Fight is a poor substitute for Good Wife and trying to be too smart with all the Trump tie ins while Homeland obviously expected a Hilary win. Bellevue is an ambitious project which will need to be on its game to tie up a complex story. Saving up Broadchurch, Americans, Line of Duty etc for full season binges

In sporting world Aussies came close but really it just goes down as a 2-1 loss in India. Sick of all the sledging on both sides to be honest. Warner failed big time and one wonders where Ussie was ? A dour Number 3 would have been handy. Aussies need big 3 firing to win – Smith, Warner and Starc – and only had 1. Skull is mostly known for his dry wit but has a very good cricket brain and really nailed Warner’s Sub Continent batting woes on Back Page. NRL is a tipsters nightmare as usual early in the year

Nothing more to say really about US Politics as just one disaster after another but nothing changes. Fox still support Trump with the most biased reporting have seen for years while CNN put a different spin on everything. Officially bored with it all folks, just press the button. The flush button that is, not that shiny red one ya goose!

And finally Europe 2018 is all locked in or as locked in as one can be this far out. That is , airfares are booked and paid. We know when we leave, where we land and when we arrive home. Everything else is in the ether at present although most time will be spent in Ireland driving from pub to pub. Apparently. Sounds like a solid plan to moi