flashman181

So the apartments are booked and the flights confirmed so its full steam ahead for Hands Solo Part Deux in Feb 2015. 10 days in NYC and a week in the City of Brotherly Love – San Francisco. Oops wrong kind of love. Philadelphia ! Thats better. No way a Polar Vortex can occur two years in a row right but am starting to accumulate the appropriate weather apparel in case. Will it be a magical winter wonderland or a pain in the ass (#notgoingtoSanFranluckilythough). Probably a bit of both. Just looking for that one magical shot of snow on the ground in Central Park with crystal blue skies above. And Tina Fey eating a hot dog. Have been lucky enough to visit NYC in autumn with the CLP so have seen the iconic structures and have photos to prove it.

As one gets older and the income dips the expectations tend to rise and a certain level of comfort, once experienced, is hard to forego. Like elasticised pants – but that is another story. So the apartments are in the slightly better part of town and on the slightly higher floor and have the slightly bigger shower nozzle. The latter is significant when still graced with luxurious, slightly tinted, growth on top. Then we get to the flights. There was a good sale on Premium Economy Qantas. I did a search of forums and generally gets good reviews although there is always that one horror story that sends shivers down your spine. “I was downgraded to Economy at the airport and had to sit next to a woman and a screaming baby for 13 hrs. And she was a Blues supporter!”. Money of course is relative when it comes to travel. After you travel you have relatively less money then before. So then I just had to convince myself and it was a tough sell for about 3 nanoseconds. In a timely segue I argued with myself that why not use the extra money I made doing on call for Easter and Anzac Day back in 2012? Luckily for myself I was not smart enough to argue that same money was spent about a week later. Onset of dementia is not all bad folks

So the dates are set and it will be a birthday in NYC just for something different. With the number of candles I need these days I may just get to see another one of those hottie NYFD guys. Tina for me, Rocco for CLP. Sounds fair to moi.

Of course part of the fun with holidays is the planning stage. Then the downer of the paying stage. Then the fun of the holiday. Then the downer of the return home. Then the joy of seeing loved ones again. And the thrill on their faces as their Snowglobe collection increases by 1.

Life is a rollercoaster baby.

She who will remain nameless thought the idea of travelling to NYC in February 2015 was rather poorly thought out. The argument has gained support of late with persistent snow and generally poor weather in the city that never sleeps but apparently sleets a shitload at this time of the year. Now I have seen NYC in all its autumn glory so the weather was part of the attraction although did expect it to start to pick up by now. In the background though there has been an ASIO approved Black Ops being planned. And that op is to track down my Tina whilst wandering/stalking the streets. To this end two significant events occurred in recent weeks both involving Jimmy Fallon strangely enough. He has a certain charm I guess but is no Johnny Carson.

The fist was his first night on the Tonight Show since its return to NYC and one of his surprise guests was Ms Fey. Ergo she spends February in NYC. Then lo and behold last night she was back on in all her full glory just being Tina . Ergo she spends March in NYC. Couple of other little titbits (giggle giggle). She “dropped the kid off at school”. (She has a 2 and 8 yr old) Ok should not be too hard to track down which school she goes to. Rather cleverly I had already avoided all known school holidays. And St Patricks Day – but that is another story.

Now any stalker worth his salt would know that Tina was born in Upper Darby PA. The second city for USA 2015 was already firming as Philadelphia so this bit of info was kinda the icing (ok snow!!)on the cake. Of particular interest though is that a certain Upper Darby speciality is Pica Pizza. Luke Cunningham is a writer on Tonight show. In a recent interview with Philly Mag Cunningham stated me that he once bonded with fellow Upper Darbian Tina Fey over Pica’s delicious rectangular pizza.

Here’s what Cunningham had to say:

Yeah, when I did that bit for Tina Fey, I talked to her about the pizza at Pica’s. She said, “My daughter was just there for her birthday.” Tina is going to be on the show on March 3rd

Cue video

Pica Pizza

So taking a cue from Ellen a plan is forming involving dressing as a Pica Pizza delivery guy outside the little brats school around drop off time. Ok, its still in planning stages admittedly. As the weeks turn into months some fine tuning will set this baby up. Of course her home address is the other option but a bit obvious. Still a good fallback I guess but will keep that location to myself at this stage. In the meantime lets sit back and enjoy her next movie. If there was one thing that may have upped the desirabilty factor for TF it was always going to be a Russian accent. Darool Darool. Ok I may have to watch this one in the privacy of my own home.

Yeah, not kidding anyone I guess

Several years ago CLP and I did the Monopoly walk in London – as you do. It was unique and fun. And Old Kent Road was a bitch to find! Many cities would have similar attractions I am sure so lets come up with something new for next year while freezing in NYC in February.

One of my fave web shows is Seinfelds “Comedians in Cars getting Coffee”. Not only does he invariably have great guests but he also travels around NYC having coffee. So the idea was planted. Next year try and visit as many coffee joints in NYC that Jerry has been to with guests. To be fair, this was really hatched while watching latest episode with my Tina. The chance that I may get to sit in the same seat as Tina is simply mind blowing. And strangely erotic. So now we have the Ansel Bakery (with Cronut!)on the list and also Floridita in Harlem. As my Tina says “The only reward for anything is Food”. Another advantage is I have a rough idea where Tina lives and have 10 days to spot her and give her my autograph.

Now to track back through previous episodes for Louis CK, Larry David etc. Of course none of this guarantees a good coffee – it is USA after all. Sometimes you just have to accept a brush with celebrity as your fix for the day and leave the caffeine for the desperate and lonely – you know, people without the internet.

The beauty of returning to favorite cities is discovering new ways to enjoy them

That is actually an original quote. Or subliminally planted. Feel free to requote and see what happens

Going to be a busy year Travel wise. As they all should be.

Europe 2013 “A Second Crack” is at the well advanced stage. Flights booked – including some BC natch – hotels mostly booked, a train here a donkey ride there and before you know it all you have to do is find the money. Now a central point to all this is the CLP 55th Birthday. Yes I surprised too, had her pegged for 64 at least. Adequate planning has assured it will take place in the City of Love – Chernobyl. Oops wrong Itinerary. Paris of course. It is a city you can return to often and we have been lucky enough to do this. Pity it is full of French folk. If I can be persuaded I only need one kidney in my dotage then there may even be a fancy meal at Le Jules Verne in the Eiffel Tower to ice the deal so to speak. From there we will also venture onto Barcelona, Berlin and Copenhagen along with some driving through the French countryside and a casual few days in northern Italy. Will be a blast and much anticipated. Be good to have someone else to carry the luggage around for me.

Which of course brings up the allure of solo travelling again. The Chicago/San Fran experiment worked a treat and even sated the wanderlust for about two months but it always returns. The question then becomes where to this time? And of course what time of year? The lure of cool weather is hard to resist when sitting in Maryhole @ 36 degrees day after day.

Most “Great Cities of the World” quizzes would regularly include 2 cities in any top 5 – Paris and New York. Have been lucky enough to have spent two weeks with CLP in NYC a few years ago but as anyone who has been there knows that barely scratches the surface. So the seed was planted for NYC 2015 – My Balls Drop. Most of you would be aware of the famous Times Square Ball Drop that occurs every New Year and while a white Xmas has a certain appeal there are also a lot of travel related issues around that time in NYC. And the place is full of bloody tourists! So have pushed back to February which will still be chilly enough to warrant the humorous theme and get to celebrate my birthday next year in NYC. Surrounded by all my friends. Zero degrees, Zero Friends – win win. CLP thinks its a bad time to travel there. When quizzed further as to why her reply was couldnt you go this year instead already! Of course she believes the prime attraction of solo travel for me is to write more blogs – and she just may be onto something there 🙂

So an apartment has been chosen and deposit put down – so I cant change my mind when I come to my senses. Or the Aussie $ plummets. 10 days in NYC but if you are going to spend 40 hrs in the air you need a second city as well for a few days and hopefully something new to enrich the experience. Have seen Washington, Chicago, Boston, LA and San Francisco.

Current contenders are

Dallas – can fly home from there, shoot JR again.
Philadelphia – an easy train ride from NYC, punch Rocky out
Las Vegas – something different, probably get discovered and get a one man show on The Strip and never return

Luckily there is plenty of time to decide that second city. Feel free to throw in any suggestions peoples.

People do read these blogs right??

So, how did the big experiment of 2013 pan out? Well Tony Abcess has only been in the job 2 months but things are looking grim

However the real experiment that has the public gagging for info is of course the Han Solo adventure also known in some circles as Hands Across Half of America . The plan, as devoted followers would recall, was reopen the US Government, give the Red Sox a few tips and then spend a week in Chicago and a week in San Francisco. It was a busy but productive fortnight. The Lone Ranger was venturing forth without Tonto by his side. Tonto suspected Kemosabe could struggle . As Kemosabe sat in Brisvegas airport amongst the great unwashed Tonto was not Robinson Crusoe.

The initial long flights are not a big issue as you are going to a place that is likely better, or at least more interesting, than the one you are leaving. Land in LaLa land and then the first concerns arise – getting through LA immigration and customs. But as was going to occur throughout this adventure the Travel Gods were on my side and my charm and wit convinced the hired help to suddenly open a new line and was through in about 20 minutes. A good flight to Chicago and then the adventure truly begins. My bag wasnt lost, still had my passport and taxis were plentiful. I found my B&B and carried bags up the 4 flights of stairs. Tonto would have been handy about now. Anyhoo the fans know that Chicago was a blast but then came the “internal USA flight” . In usual Flash mode got to the airport in plenty of time and then sat around people watching. Once again in San Fran all went smoothly at airport and was deposited at my digs late on a Sunday afternoon. Another 3 flights of steps – what was I thinking? Then the travel blues hit. Suddenly it all seemed a bit lonely. This was no B&B so had to traverse a few hills and dales to be ripped off at a corner store for some bread, milk and cereal. By now the gloom had descended in more ways than one. This would be the litmus test now. Would the next week drag or would I get my act together and enjoy my week? Blue turned red folks – I passed the acid test ( you probably need to have some scientific knowledge to fully appreciate how clever this analogy is:) ). From the moment I caught my first cable car and saw Alcatraz hazed in fog in the distance all was FAD. There were lonely times at night certainly and dining options are limited but it was another great week pounding the pavement. Of interest to some close to me it was only after 2 weeks of walking and at my debrief with Tonto that followed that I realised my normal troublesome ankle had not been restrictive. I may yet walk 18 holes of golf again and I have San Francisco to thank. I bought my heart home but maybe left my arthritic ankle behind? The long flight home was a pain – but always is.

So the two week adventure was a treat and went better than expected really. Who would have thought I could make friends with strangers relatively easily. Ok who would have thought I would even speak to them really? So now the dilemma. Tonto tells me that the Reservation is full for the next few years. Looks like Maryhole maintains its record of the exact population of 22,365 it has been for the last 35 years! Wanderlust temporarily sated and there is a trip to Europe next year with Tonto. But after that? If my plans to become Clive Palmers next senator dont come to fruition then I see another solo trip in my future – maybe to the UK. Travel costs money. Tonto has said that while she will struggle she would survive if I went away again. Sarcasm is usually not associated with your native American. So, does one look for some work to fund another OS trip or does one accept you cant live forever and its ok to blow 10 grand a year on travel ?

In the meantime how about some Flashies?

Best Flight – LA – Chicago: on time, smooth, arrived 30 minutes early

Best Airline Food – last breakfast on QANTAS flight – because there was only another 90 minutes until I could get off the plane!

Best Tour – really all were great but you cant beat a Segway for fun and freedom

Best Food – Gibsons Steakhouse Chicago – to be fair I didnt try many restaurants

Best Beer – Goose Island 312 (Chicago)

Best Insider Tip – Dont pay for observation towers in Chicago just the Signature Room 95 th floor John Hancock

Best Service – AT&T store Chicago

Best Movie Geek Moment – Walking the Streets of San Francisco pretending you are Frank Bullit

Best Coffee – sadly no nominations

And so we come to the worst part of any holiday, especially overseas. The packing, getting to the airport, checking in at unfamiliar surroundings, catching a short connecting flight, checking in again- and of course plenty of sitting around. And then the midnight 14 hr flight home when you should be sleeping but of course can’t. So before the gloom descends completely some final thoughts as the waiting begins.

First up love da USA . Have now been lucky enough to visit 6 major cities across the country which have all been great and unique in their own way. Two obvious similarities stand out first up. Excellent public transport systems and crap coffee. Transport Apps work very well and the improvement in the last 2 years have been significant with both CTA and 511 apps in Chicago and San Francisco exceptional. Some specific observations

1. Qantas and AA need to work on their “codeshare” arrangement – it is ridiculous that in 2013 I cannot do online check in for the first short AA flight to LA. Not a big deal maybe but it also means can’t check in for the subsequent 14 hr flight on Qantas and therefore could have landed a bum seat if not already paid the $180 for exit row seat!

2. USA need to work out their currency and drop the small stuff like we did. Just round up or down folks – it works! This may be a small point for the credit card mad society we live in but international travellers still feel safer dealing in cash overseas? I know I do

3. Related to that, the GST or whatever it is called here is a pain in the ass. By all means charge your tax but why does something nice and simple like $6:50 always become something ridiculous like $7:18?? Advertise the bloody real price and round up. Once again the card carrying folk would not give a crap of course 😇

4. Solo travel has its benefits and it negatives. Moving to your own rhythm is great and liberating. It also forces you to be a bit more sociable which is not a bad thing. It can be lonely at night and your dining options are a bit limited though. And you have to do your own washing!

5 US TV is crap. Really is , especially early in the evening and mornings.

6. Very large Asian population in SF especially around Nob Hill which of course is next to Chinatown. Some people love the busy cluttered streets , I don’t. Compared to Chicago a lot of SF is simply messy and unclean. Tai Chi everywhere uh look as well

7. The cable cars are interesting certainly but you quickly realise they are simply tourist attractions and as such are always over crowded and big delays in actually getting one. Despite the hills often easier to just walk. The staff running them though are amongst the most pleasant and helpful “service ” staff ever dealt with

8. There is no real cafe culture as we Aussies would understand it. There are plenty of cafés of course but they are set up for quick service of quick food with limited menus. The food portions of course are always very generous but that is not necessarily a good thing 😟

9. I have always felt safe in all cities and the people generally friendly. There are many homeless people around although not in Nob Hill – which must mean something 😉In Chicago they sit around a lot just waiting for handouts whereas in SF you have the more disturbing sight of actually eating food straight out of rubbish bins. Evidence of sleeping out overnight readily apparent in both cities. Seems like an issue for all cities sadly

10. USA is big bold and brassy and more pop culture than culture of course but I like that. It is what it is and doesnt try to be anything else. SF may not hold a lot of interest past a day or two for some but for a movie geek growing up on 60s and 70s movies it is great – for about 4 days anyway 😍

So time to sign off and await the return to reality. The solo experience has indeed been interesting and probably easier than expected with a few riders of course. Will there be any more solo trips in the future? Probably more an issue of finances than anything else and of course have a great trip to Europe next year planned with CLP which should keep wanderlust at bay for a while.

Or maybe not….

A glorious day dawned once more for the final full day in San Francisco. No fog and no real places to be seen either . So the plan was twofold in its infancy. Check out some coffee places and rid myself of small change – these could actually go together. Chicago and SF were interesting choices for this trip if for no other reason than the fact both were seriously ravaged by natural disasters many years ago – and rebuilt of course. Chicago architecture is of course well known – time to check out downtown San Francisco. One last cable ride downtown and then we walk – but no mingling. Nice and flat down here folks, and some impressive buildings. Bank of America was of course the standout but there were other notables. Thought 3 coffee places before lunch was probably maximum sensible option. So we lined up Coffee Bean and Tealeaf, Peet’s and my local Gallery cafe. The coffee was only so so but did get rid off 11 dimes! And man did I power up those hills on the way home – no need for cable cars for this little caffeinated black duck. A pleasant few hours wandering around downtown was tres enjoyable but does leave the afternoon stretching long ahead with limited funds and diminishing interest. Time for a casual wander around Fishermans Wharf after lunch perhaps and see if I can avoid buying any more souvenirs? Do some people watching instead. And let’s travel light with no jacket or camera! Breathe. Breathe.

Still got my phone right 😉

Later Dudes

I woke in a cold sweat. The sun was out, had I slept through until midday!! Are Tsetse flies endemic to Alcatraz and I had got a little prick? No folks – there was no fog! Well that screwed up my whole day. I would have to forego more stimulating breakfast TV and get out while the getting is good. Today was Golden Gate Park day and surrounds. Now like an old seasoned pro my app told me where to and when to go but today was on the edge of your seat – or hanging out a cable car if you like – stuff. I was trying something I never thought I would say – multiple routes! A cable car here, a bus there, jump on a train and then a ferry should have you there. Ok, a cable car and a bus but exciting stuff folks – and so very easy , or so I thought. More later. It was a glorious day and GGP is big but a pleasant walk around whilst heading in the general direction of Kezar stadium for one more DH highlight. From there it was onto Haight-Ashbury and Castro for a couple of distinctive SF neighbourhoods. To finish off my gay day I looked at some flowers near some Painted ladies. This leisurely walk had filled in a few hours, including an excellent coffee at the Flywheel Coffee Roasted near hippieville. Who would have thunk Such a lovely day so also took the short trip back to City Hall for more photos. Now, should I make one last effort to check out the famous sandwich emporium Ike’s place? It was a bit out of the way but I was a public transport freak by now. One who does need glasses though apparently when looking at an iPhone app. I had the monthly clipper card which paid for all my cable car and bus trips. My app was telling me to enter the Metro subway and catch the L train to 16th street. I thought it was a train, bloody small icons honest. So let’s try BART out. It says clipper card empty ? Ok, refill I guess . Only had 20s on me and machine only gave max of $4.95 change! In sense of adventure ok bung $15 on. Fuck me if the machine didn’t give me 19 dimes change!!! Ok calm down son , part of the experience. Now why don’t these trains have the numbers I am looking for ? After 5 mins gave up and thought would walk, having already paid the fare of course. But it was bugging me. So went back down and what do you know. There is an underground Muni system as well! I didn’t need BART or the extra $15😡😡 Anyhoo caught train, walked to Ike’s , lined up for 20 minutes and finally got my Al Bundy. Tourist checkpoints finished. Caught a bus ( above ground!) back to Powell Street and cable car Central where the line up was about 70 deep or let’s say 5 cars worth at least = good 30 minute wait. So walked up to Union Square and ate half my sandwich in the glorious sunlight and then walked home over hill and dale. It really was not that bad. Maybe I am a supreme athlete.

So , one last day to go and no real plans at this stage. Yes it is freaking me out CLP 😍 Smack bang in Chinatown really so not the sort of place where you wander the streets aimlessly looking for a coffee or a beer. Sadly none of those neck massage places either😰 You need to either walk or cable it to white folk place – you know where all the fat tourists hang out 😉. So maybe will wander down to Fishermans Wharf for one last walk around and see if I can add one more to the ever growing list of T Shirts only ever worn once!