flashman181

Woke up to a cloudy overcast day as predicted. As we had run out of Valium had decided no driving today as had also discovered yesterday a rather efficient little bus service ran between our little hamlet of one old lady, two dogs and 73 cats and the nearby tourist hub of Aix- En-Provence. If nothing else I was eagerly awaiting to see how a bus drove on these roads. So after a beautifully prepared continental breakfast we stood on the side of the road at designated spot. We did not stand together as that would have blocked the road ! Bus arrived duly on time and we headed off. Don’t know what you Aussie drivers moan about – there was a minimum of two wheels on the road at any given time.

We stopped off in middle of town and started to wander slowly towards the 3 main attractions. A Mens Toilet , A Ladies Toilet and a Cezane Appreciation Statue. They do love the guy here. Actually it is a very nice town with plenty of good eateries and some classy shops along a central “mall” . Of course there is a church and a bell tower. And plenty of lousy coffee. We first tried Les Deux Garçons where Cezane used to hang around with at least one more clown I assume. Had the cappuccino and the cream on top was about 4 inches thick. Sadly the coffee underneath was la terrible. We were not surprised. However while wandering up and down the lanes we saw a blackboard outside a small shop called “Coffee to Go ” and amongst many listed there was Flat White and Latte! This had to be worth a go. Inside the menu board had an Aussie $50 note on it along side “Gooday mate ” . Could it be possible? Ordered a flat white to go. Perfect! So we wandered a around a bit more always planning to head back there later to have more coffee and get lunch and dinner to go from nearby shops. This time we sat down and had same coffees only in mugs when noticed there was ” free wifi” . Yeah right. It was lightening fast and reliable! I did not want to leave. It was then we noticed that the Barista had been trained in Spring Hill Brisbane !

But we did. A surprisingly young and hot female bus driver drove us home with aplomb . Our lovely host Martine had told us there was a beautiful lake only 5 mins walk from La Charlotte. Perfect for our purchased Snail baguette. 15 minutes later after walking down a goat track I saw a lake in the distance. It was indeed beautiful. It was still 20 mins away . Bloody French. We sat on two rocks and imagined what the cool clear water may indeed feel like.

So our time near Aix-En-Provence was not quite as planned but still enjoyable and very comfortable. Once you stopped driving. I have seen some things in my life but never wifi so slow it was uploading a file at -68% of 0 ! Tomorrow it is another 300 K to Chambery where we can drop the car off and start to relax!

But I will miss that coffee…..

Non.

The highways are great and the tolls not an issue at all, if a little expensive. Turn offs well indicated in plenty of time. But then you hit the villages and the narrow roads.

We left Millau after breakfast for an almost 300 k drive to our next B&B which was about 10 k outside Aix- En-Provence . The last 100 m were a freaking nightmare ! We had to drive through the town to get to our B&B and while a little hairy the Tom Tom saved the day. Then we approached our turn off. Seriously ?? There is a bees dick (post circumcision) on either side of the car to get the 100 m between houses to our place. If a car is coming the other way you are screwed. Then a 3 point turn and 2 Hail Marys to actually turn into the allotted parking. It is simply a nightmare end of story. It appears there is a bus out on main road which we will use tomorrow to go back to town.

As we had arrived early with no supplies we had to go back out to get lunch which meant going through the terror run again twice and then onto narrow roads for the 7 k to the next village. The lunch was fine and very filling- basically all the cous cous you could eat and then a couple of cows and sheep thrown in.

The B&B itself is very nice and well equipped. Looks nothing like the brochure mind you. Dinner will be a problem but then we are not hungry

It has been a rough day for a couple of reasons, one personal, but at present will be glad when we hand the car back in two days time. Hopefully still with side mirrors intact. Admittedly the car is bigger than we need but then it is a bit of a lottery with rental places when you prebook. Getting the actual car you asked for would be like finding an English speaking waiter at a French Village eatery. Or a half decent coffee anywhere in France

Good nights sleep despite lack of any curtains in bedroom. It is remote I guess. Nice to wake up to a light breakfast of cereal and fruit made by the loving hands of CLP . They are a spare set she keeps hidden away usually 🙂 Still no kettle but at least a microwave so half decent cups of tea were available. When Frenchie had dropped in the night before we asked about the washing machine – ” not sure, never used it” Merde head! So needless to say it was a lot hit and miss- the clothes were washed for 1 hr without ever being threatened by any washing powder. We stopped it and found a ” spin” cycle for 5 mins and then hung them out for some airing at least.

Then it was off to the Roquefort cheese caves in the not too far distance. Now if there is one thing that makes driving in Frogville more fun than usual it has to be thick fog! We missed a couple of turnoffs and the parking spot but eventually found it up amongst the clouds. Well worth the tour for only 5 Euro each although only spoken in French. I picked up “fromage” and ” duck ass” but that was it. Interesting to note the drop off in glamour of the tour guide when the caves have smelly cheese in them rather than sparkling Champers like in Champagne:) . There was one little old lady always asking questions. She had one of those collapsible 3 leg stools that she would plant at front of every stop. She had a husband but he stayed well away. Then we get out and she goes into toilet before CLP and takes for ever! Finally we are leaving and fuck me if she is not parked next to us and has the bloody stool out and sitting in front of our car waiting for the hubby to climb down from tree with noose in hand!

By now it was another beautiful day so we drove back to Viaduct which is indeed an impressive erection. Mind you walk around under it a few times and not much else to see, let alone pay for a guided tour. Then back into car for a nice little village Frenchie had told us about for lunch. Apparently it was closed. Very beautiful indeed and very clean – maybe because no one actually lived there it appears ! So we headed further afield and finally found another village for some hair raising driving and lunch. Again with a plate full of fries – you would think we would learn

Then back home to relax before late afternoon drinkies . I tell ya for a thirsty man these late setting suns are a pain in the ass! It was Champers tonight which seemed only fitting. Frenchie was once again totally non contactable all day as she was out paragliding again. When I can actually upload photos you will see it is quite an amazing sight as takeoff point is the mountain behind us.

It has been an interesting two days, we saw what we wanted to see which means nothing to come back for. At present the French villages we have driven through and visited have not been all that appealing let alone quaint. Hopefully that improves

Tomorrow it’s off to just outside Aix- En-Provence for two days. If there is no wireless there expect a news bulletin in Australia about a B&B host axe murder in a non quaint little French village

Left Perpignan nice and early for first day of driving. Booteeful morning and no real problems getting out of town and onto highway. The tolls work fine if a bit expensive but the roads are great and motor along at 130 . First stop was Carcassone and by now the blue sky was providing a stunning backdrop. Did have a hiccup or two with driving in the city and of course when panic sets in I hit the windscreen wipers rather than indicator as on the usual side for Aussies. It is a manual as well which adds to stress at times. Anyway found the parking space and walked to walled La Cite which was quite impressive, mainly because not crowded yet! Maybe I am just over castles/forts/abbeys/ruins but I really did not see anything too amazing here I had not seen at many previous places. Interesting certainly but away from La Cite the town itself was La Dull. A problem with the parking meter meant it cost us 10 euro instead of 5 but such is life. Then back on the skinny road to Millau

Again a good run on the highways and we were at our destination around 2 pm. Mind you the last bit was hairy indeed and the location was remote and down a very narrow road. To be fair we had told owner to expect us at 4 pm so no one was around when we arrived but key under mat. The place was well equipped but hardly in a state of readiness. The fly paper was alarmingly full. Good to see it works I guess, wonder if owner realises they are not self cleaning !We had paid extra for linen including towels of which there were none apparent. So we unpacked and headed back into town for groceries after trying to contact owner at home and mobile. It’s a dull town too, although a beautiful river does run through it. Had simply the worst coffee ever at the only cafe open. I think they took a duck from the river and squeezed its ass into some luke warm water and then finished off with the piece de resistance – a hair from the mole on the lady owners face. We returned around 5 pm and still no sign of activity from owner. Another phone call and no answer but eventually she called back and said she was para gliding and would be there in an hour! She didn’t not turn up until 6:30 pm which meant we could not have a shower etc before then after a long hot day. Piss poor effort. The place itself is rustic but fine with a beautiful view of the Viaduct but lack of wireless wifi is a pain. CLP says you get what you pay for. My response ” That is why I don’t charge you for sex ”

We also filled up the car with some diesel today which was a fairly smooth process at least in Millau. We now realise the fuel gauge actually goes a little further to the left than the previously assured ” full tank Monsieur ” from Europcar would have you believe ! Also after parking for night we discovered a half finished bottle of Coca cola in side door in back while emptying car – good work fellas.

Using my phone as hotspot to keep fans informed, expect you all to chip in when I get the bill. On for 1 minute and Telstra charged $22 of my data allowance! Ergo Photos to follow later

Some red wine and local cheese eased away some of the pain. The difficult choice then became more wine now for pain down the road maybe? Common sense prevailed in the end.

Yeah I was surprised too

One last hotel breakfast and then time to catch high speed train to Perpignan – same service we had caught from Paris but hopefully going in other direction! Able to spend a relaxing hour in the Renfe lounge before leaving. As occurs everywhere in Europe the advertised “free wi fi” is rarely available and definitely a pain even when. You would think in 2014 large cities could actually provide true free wi fi in the city especially a tourist haven like Barcelona.

The train boarding was easy – although at least they use X-Ray scanning of bags – and the train left on time as usual. Then the fun started. As soon as on train notified that we would have to get off at first stop , Girona, as a tunnel on track had flooded. Did someone leave a tap on? Not really any heavy rain I am aware off. So the train had to disembark with bags and hop on a bus – yes the whole train! And we were only going another 40 minutes ! So after another hour and a half on a bus and waiting on platforms etc we were boarded on a carbon copy of first train, same carriage same seat. All in all not bad but for English speaking you were a bit screwed and just had to follow the masses and hope for the best. At least we were now entertained by the whinging Pom behind us moaning long and loud – yes she was going to Paris. Must admit it does seem like poor track design for a “fast ” train if a bit of rain brings the whole thing down. On the bright side we saw a bit of Girona and got a reminder of why we don’t travel on buses if can possibly avoid it! One last amusing incident about 10 mins short of Perpignan. We stopped in middle of about 4 parallel tracks. Then suddenly on our left, another train whizzed by. Now if it goes quicker than the high speed train, I want that one next time. Once again, and luckily for us, it appears that everyone had to disembark again at Perpignan! Mrs Pommy would not be impressed. They say this time a bridge was out. The dissemination of info to passengers was simply woeful

In an apparent change of fortune when arriving at hotel at 1230 pm it was ready to move into room! Nice room too, more spacious. Still no bloody clock or kettle though! We headed out for lunch and wanted something light- if you call 3000 French fries light that is! Perpignan looks a bit dull. The Hop on Hop Off tourist bus only has one stop. Luckily it was a chocolate shop! We saw one souvenir shop – selling Spanish souvenirs! It was odd indeed, we were in France and yet there were Catalan flags everywhere, not French. The locals looked a bit rough too. We were able to organise our car for a early start tomorrow – a Black Ford Grande C Max. Looks ok, except they stuck the steering wheel on the wrong side. Typical French. It will be an experience.

After the pleasant stroll around town it was back to the rather nice hotel bar for a couple of coldies and an early night. It had been a warm but booteeful day weather wise. Our first travel glitch had been relatively minor in the end.

Our last full day in Barcelona dawned clear and warm and it was time to head off to Park Guell because you can never have enough Gaudi . Actually you can and I have. We had deliberated over metro V Hop on Hop off ( as in the tourist bus, not my preferred sexual activity ) and went with metro as rarely disappointed. We knew we had a 10 min walk to the Park on a hill from Metro but some escalators were involved. At end of day it was a fairly easy walk. Actually finding the entrance to the ” monumental zone” was a bit trickier amongst the vast parkland. We asked a helpful jogger. We had prebooked for the 08:30 entry time and it was nice and quiet and also good light for photos. Took the requisite photos and then it was time to walk down a very steep hill to the easy metro station and head off to Mont Juic and the general vicinity of the 92 Olympic stadium. Just after getting down steep hill and turning corner we saw the drop off point for hop on hop off! Tip for visitors, take the metro and use the side with escalators!

At base of Mont Juic there was a Funicular to take you to top – it was out of order but free bus provided. What a schamozzle ! No signage, no helpers , just go up to street level and look for crowd and wait for a bus that says ” Special” . It was crowded but got us up there and then a working cable car took us right to top. Impressive views of city etc but no stadium nearby. After a good hour walking around we went back to bus spot, again no sign, and flagged it down. It had to go to end of street to turn around and lo and behold, there was the stadium. We couldn’t get off but at least saw it.

Headed home for a bit of rest and a nice lunch of a burger with no bun ! Then a final walk around La Ramblas for some souvenir shopping and then up to the rooftop pool area for sunset with some bread, meat and cheese. Tomorrow it is train to Perpignan and then pick up hire car for week driving through South of France . Lordy Lordy, anything could happen

Some final thoughts on Barcelona. Friendly people, helpful service staff. They understand English well. It is well laid out and easy to walk although the Metro does work well. It is an interesting city rather than a beautiful city to me. Chicago is a beautiful city. It was hectic two days checking the main sites, would be nice to return and just let it flow over you. Good food and drink. Beer in particular is cheap. Coffee was good if you knew what to order – ” coffee with milk” . In general there are more hot women here than in Paris. And they know it

Sampled the more than adequate Continental Hotel breakfast before heading out for La Sagrada Familia. Now forecast was for rain- yeah right- and skies were grey but non threatening (much like myself) so I headed off sans wet weather gear while CD had either a very large condom or a plastic poncho on her head. We lined up for our quick access and got in before heavens opened. For a place that looks like it was out together with Play dough from the outside , the inside is not only visually stunning but also clean and smooth. Simply an amazing sight that pictures cannot do justice to. Then it was out into light annoying rain to line up for second Gaudi fill for day – Casa Batllo. Let me tell you at 21euro each to get in they should call it Gougi. A bizarre place I guess but let’s face it if this guy was an Aussie he would have been locked up not lauded. By now though the sun was shining through and we started a slow stroll down La Ramblas. This was good news because to make an asshole truly ignorant give them an umbrella ! Great market that we went into , very similar to Melbournes Queen Vic – only better. We finished down at the harbour and had a nice stroll along the boardwalk and met some famous people. They are mostly one dimensional though as they say

Then it was time for lunch and a very passable , and sizable, paella was washed down with some Sangria. Back out into the teeming masses to find the Picasso museum – and line up again for 30 minutes. This was one screwed up dude. One week in September 1957 , he painted a different picture of pigeons every day ! No photography allowed, but there is always that one clown isn’t there that takes one. The security was straight on to him. Take his camera off him I say.

A few souvenirs later and then we trekked across a bit of town to see their Arc de Triomphe and some big Penis shaped erection . The clouds were starting to threaten again so it was back on the metro for homeward trip – and another walk home in the rain.

Barcelona is an easy city to walk around like many European capitals and we find we always walk further than planned and take less public transport than expected. Weather is important though of course

As one travels the world enriching the lives of those I meet it is reassuring to know that all weather forecasters worldwide attended the same clown school. It was tipped to be rain ( not showers ). It was foggy to start with as we headed off to Barcelona which was disappointing as we planned to climb the heights of Montserat on the way. As we approached said retreat of the brown dress brigade a flint caught my eye. Then definite rays of light. I was especially pleased as naturally had dressed for inclement weather and now was uncomfortably warm. We started the rather windy and at times treacherous climb. Now Josef has been an amazing and gracious host not the least because he is a very busy and successful businessman. As such he often got phone calls during our visit. For Xmas we are getting him a hands free set for the car! One handed driving on windy roads at 1500m turned my hair grey I tell ya.

We arrived at the top of the mountain and were above the clouds and it was simply a stunning place. And very crowded. How the big tourist buses get up those roads boggles the mind. After a couple of hours wandering around and then taking in the Boys Choir performance in the amazing church it was time to head to Barcelona

We checked into Hotel Astoria which seems ok but the rooms are small let me tell you. Little things like no kettle to make a cuppa are disappointing. However plenty of time to moan later, we still had local guides to show us around. First stop was La Sagrada Familia which is indeed an impressive building. At least I think there is a building there behind all the scaffolds and shrouds. We were assured it was magnificent inside and Josef kindly lined up for 40 minutes in the sun to get us tickets. Only to be told on arrival at booth there would be an hour wait then as church was full! Telling us that 40 minutes ago may have helped you clod! So we booked tickets for tomorrow at 0900. Next stop was another Gaudi masterpiece – Casa Mila. Yep you guessed it – another bloody building covered in shrouds! We gave up , bid our wonderful hosts a safe trip home and settled in for some Tapas and Sangria. As you do.

Then it was off to our room for hopefully a good nights sleep. We had to go up one at a time as only enough room for one of us to get changed into jammies at any given time in the room.

Falls on my head. After a glorious day yesterday in the surrounding countryside , rain on the roof overnight ( ie before 10 am in the morning!) indicated we should stay away from the Plains today. After the usual breakfast we headed into Lleida nearby for a walk and talk. Under cloudy slides we visited the central monastery/fort which certainly had an interesting history. Seeing cannonball marks in the wall was impressive . It offered sweeping views of a rather dull city under grey skies but hey it was free entry. Then , as the rain started to fall , it was on to Josefs local golf club , Raimat, for a beer and watch a few holes of Ryder Cup. It’s a picturesque course indeed surrounded by rows of grape vines. It was now 2:30 pm which could only mean one thing in Spain – not long until lunch!

Now lunch is the big meal here as we had already discovered. Big is a relative term of course because your average Catalan can pack it away. Plans for the afternoon were squashed due to both the inclement weather and the non return of Josefs mother from the low security twilight home. So all bets were off. Apparently. The food was a mixed offering indeed. Snails, Rabbit Stew and Pork cheeks. The 3 essential food groups – no legs, two legs and four legs.  Let me tell you, pigs have bony cheeks. I am hoping they were the cheeks from the front end of said animal. But the meat was delicious. Snails are fine if dipped in enough sauce if you close your eyes and don’t accidentally crunch some shell but the question I always ask myself with food like this is Why? So did someone just decide ” Hey those snails are slow moving and easy to catch. Let’s eat them”? Is there not enough 4 legged food around to feast on? Anyway it was a mixed and very filling menu indeed only exceeded by the matching  alcohol. White wine followed by Red and then some Rose champagne. By now the cheeks were warm and rosy – although not quite as tender as Mr Pig I am guessing. Then Josef asked the killer question. ” Do you like Port ? ” Is Sergio Garcia a streaky putter ?

So now it is 4:30 pm in the afternoon and I am half cut. It’s raining outside but who cares. I hear bells in my heads but there is no church nearby which is odd in itself.

I have to work out how to fill in the time between now and 9 pm dinner! CLP of course is asleep. At least there is some certainty in life.

All together now Well I’ve never been to Spain….

Actually I have now. And there were 6 dogs so it was very warm. Josef is a hunter as well and not just deer. He has 6 dogs for some Partridge hunting as well. They do have their own living quarters and were well behaved during the night so I threw them a couple of kookaburras in the morning for reward.

A leisurely traditional breakfast of bread , tomato, olive oil and ham followed by a short stroll around the village. Like in France the bread is superb. Some food markets were interesting indeed with bags of snails percolating in the sun. The small villages are certainly a pleasant break from the teeming crowds of tourists awaiting us back in Barcelona on Monday

We set off for a leisurely drive into the mountains. Some stunning scenery indeed and first stop was Poblet Monastery which was also the church where Josef and Magda were married. Rather disturbingly the guy in the gift shop tried to short change me 5 euro than overcharge CLP 10 Euro. A tourist trap methinks – now I understand the term Trapist Monk! There was much driving through winding roads but the scenery was worth it as we decamped for lunch. As expected it was great being with a local Catalan who did all the ordering and before we knew it a vat of Escudella was keeping the tablecloth from going anywhere. The soup of the day actually got its name from the fact that is how long it takes to finish the bowl! Very tasty though with mix of sausages , meatballs, vegetables and what I assume was donkey ears. The intact hair certainly held the soup together and was a nice if surprising touch . A very nice bottle of red and a traditional main course of lamb and 17 vegetables cooked to within an inch of their lives and it was time for the famous siesta. Sadly we were still 1000 m above sea level and 2 hrs from home – with only twisting winding road between and restful sleep. So instead we did a bit more walking taking in the magnificent mountains in background and walking around a couple small villages. Then it was back home for our 9 pm dinner! After the rather large lunch we settled on beer and fruit for dinner, as you do, and it looks like 3 orchards nearby were cleared judging by the amount of fruit on display.

I was slowly getting body into Spanish time which is like France + 1 hr. If I go any later I will be having dinner just before breakfast! Of course the sun stays up until 8 pm and then doesn’t rise until 8 am next morning so it all makes sense. Apparently