CMBM – The Flashies

Posted: April 4, 2023 in Uncategorized

You know you have been hanging out …

Best Flight

QF 63 in Business of course Sydney to Johburg . Start of holiday , great product on Dreamliner and boarding a dream compared to what was to come

Most Annoying Passenger

Tight one. 2 K was a nuisance on QF 63 but hard to go past the entitled clown on QF 64 who obeyed no directions and stood in aisle half the flight talking to two other clowns . To be fair there were annoying assholes on every flight really .

Worst Flight

Emirates EK 764 Johburg to Dubai. A very full A 380 with a shocking boarding experience and disinterested attendants . In exit row seat near toilet that broke down 30 mins into flight but passengers stood expectantly outside all flight. Served last basically every meal .

Best Airport Lounge

Sydney Business . Alcohol 24/7 , large and airy. Good displays , good food and coffee. Aspire was a pleasant surprise in Johburg but were lucky to be there when quiet and is an oasis in a horrible airport.

Worst Airport

Can ya guess 🤔 OR Tambo is a shocker – apart from a great range of stores . Check in is ok but after that help. Passport control a nightmare due to lack of staff and ignorant passengers pushing in constantly . Boarding a nightmare due to inefficiency and a complete lack of displays, signs and announcements . We are on “Africa Time” folks

Well We Are in Africa

The Mack Air light plane flights require patience and understanding . A to B often travels via C and D and changes planes at Z! A 45 min flight becomes 2.5 hrs. Zimbabwe airport is a mess of inefficiency and rip off. Here is a tip, fill out immigration forms on 90 min flight before arriving. $60 USD for 2 x 5 min visas to pass through airport .

Best Accomodation

No bad accomodation but River Club is winner with own plunge pool and a claw bath. Nice and quiet . Sable Alley tent was fine but hot , while Kalahari was smaller but cooler. Still, a tent is a tent and just a zip between you and baboons. Then there are the animals….

Best Free Accomodation

151Rude Republic, Pleased da Funtown. Only problem was there were a lot of French people outside. Good news, a lot of alcohol inside 🕺🏻🇫🇷

Best Safari Camp

Sable Alley . Best combo of living quarters and communal area . Great staff and great pool. First real taste of Africa after luxury of River Club

Best Staff Member

A tie. Ophelia at River Club was the sweetest young lady who we got to know well. Molls was our best guide and we had him to ourselves for 3 days and again got on very well. Ok, they work for tips but still….

Slowest Guide who could talk under Water

We have a winner – Deklerk ! Goes at 5 mph and looks back at us all the time talking about things we may see while not actually looking for them. !

Best Natural Wonder

Tommy Lee on Instagram . Close second, Victoria Falls. Amazing to first fly over and then to walk around getting absolutely drenched

Most Impressive Animal

Tommy Lee on Instagram . Close second, coming around corner and seeing a massive bull elephant on the move and coming towards us . The Lions were also impressive but never got as close . I could look at Zebras all day

Most Disappointing Animal

We met the shyest Meerkats in the world. Assured they would climb all over us . Ah nope. Cute animals but think they must be part French

Favourite Frog

Claude the Baugette Botherer. Didn’t say much which is good because we didn’t understand much

Favourite Meal

A Melbourne Cup field. The food at River Club and Sable Alley were amazing and then we hit France ! Can’t choose so let’s just tease

Best French Village

All good and a lot of similarities with winding narrow lanes but winner is Seguret

Best Coffee

The first cappuccino we had in France was the best although did finally track down a Cortado on last day in Johburg. Started to get use to all the cream in France and then it stopped and replaced with just steamed milk froth 😢🇫🇷

Best Wine Tasting

6 tastes in 10 mins was hard to beat in Seguret. Didn’t visit a lot of wineries as had enough supplies for the week after first two 😏

Best Beer

Small field but blowing the froth of a couple at La Cave de Rave in Funtown while sitting in the sun on a glorious afternoon was hard to beat. A couple of local tarts tried to pick us up but we hadn’t drunk that much !

Best Hotel Complex

The Emperors Palace complex near the Johburg airport was an impressive place with 3 levels of accomodation, eateries and a casino .

Best Sunset

There were many to choose from but hard to go past first night at River Club. The Zambesi river enhances everything . Doesn’t hurt of course that we always drank at Sunset 🕺🏻

Best Sunset Ruined

The last night at Kalahari should have been the best. Perfect sunset and a trunk full of grog. Instead we got a 30 min lecture on the rivers of Botswana by Deklerk!

Best Sunrise

Another Melbourne Cup field but the winner was Camp Kalahari with the Pelicans in th background. Stunning

Best Impersonation of a Monty Python Film

“I don’t wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!”

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