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The usual more than adequate hotel breakfast set us up for our day trip to Lyon. After the disaster that was our last experience with French rail there were no great surprises that our train left 20 mins late for no apparent reason as was simply sitting in station 20 mins before leaving as well. On return trip though the inefficiency of the service played for us. We arrived at station at 1545 having to wait until 1640 for our prebooked tickets. The 1540 though was running well late as in at least 30 mins. We asked the SCNF lady could we go on the 1540 train instead. Thinking we were dills she said ” non, non it left 10 ago Monsieur” .” Check the board again Sweetheart ” oh ok, yes you can. You have a ticket , you can hop on any train” . Gee, I can’t possibly see what could go wrong with that system. Ironically the train left so late we arrived at our expected time had we caught the later one.! Of course no way it would have left on time.

But back to Lyon. Big town, with the lovely Rhone running through it. It was cloudy but not raining and we decided to skip the hop on hop off for about $50 and pick up two all day passes for public transport- including Metro and funicular! Worked a treat. So after a metro or two and a Funicular we were half way to the top of the hill and saw the Roman Ruins. Then carried on short walk up hill to the Notre Dame Cathedral which was of course quite stunning. As were the views of the city. Then it was a slow wander back down and into the old city before crossing the river to see the very impressive murals of notable figures that take up a whole building. We stopped for a very nice lunch before heading out to the famous Le Halles food halls. Classy stalls rather than the ones you would see in Queen Vic etc so not as interesting as we thought although seeing skinned chickens with head still attached may enter my dreams tonight.

Then it was the train debacle before arriving back home. Decided on a lightish meal of crepes nearby. The menu was not extensive , 4 types of “salty” , 3 of which included egg. I had the ham and cheese. The waitress was 83 , kinda a Ma and Pa establishment where Pa must have kicked it. However we also had a sweet crepe for dessert – Grand Marnier – which looked pretty boring until Dottie turned up with the whole bottle and literally poured it all over the crepe. Cleared up my asthma no worries!

Tomorrow it is off to Bologna . Nightmares tonight will either involve skinned chickens with head intact or the 20 minute window we have in Milan to switch trains from French to Itlian to continue to Bologna.

I hear Milan has lovely hotels…..

Another beautifully prepared breakfast kicked the day off for what would be the longest drive – 4 hrs to Chambery. The first 30 m were the major concern of course. Grey skies but no real rain. Got out of Aix- En- Provence easily enough thanks to Tom Tom which really earnt his keep last 2 days. CLP had prepared expertly as usual in role of navigator but you can’t beat a GPS if things go pear shape. It simply recalculates a new route in seconds . Two petrol stops today , as have to return car full, and 3 Tolls but all worked well and the highways were flowing smoothly as usual.

Chambery Europcar did not open until 2 pm and of course was in a street with no parking. We tried to time our run well but were still 15 min early so simply double parked outside office like the 3 cars in front. Luckily hotel was just around corner. It was a painless exercise to hand car over and all seemed to run smoothly. Time will tell

Our room was ready in the Mecure and it was very pleasant and spacious on 5th floor with good soundproofing. We walked the town for a couple of hours but not a lot to see . Pleasant enough town though with some high end shops. The train station is just across the road so we picked up a couple of train tickets for tomorrow’s sojourn to Lyon and then had a couple of drinks in hotel bar. Then up to room to clean up before having dinner in the restaurant attached to hotel

Very glad to be able to hand car over and the stress has eased considerably

Or maybe it was those couple of beers….

Woke up to a cloudy overcast day as predicted. As we had run out of Valium had decided no driving today as had also discovered yesterday a rather efficient little bus service ran between our little hamlet of one old lady, two dogs and 73 cats and the nearby tourist hub of Aix- En-Provence. If nothing else I was eagerly awaiting to see how a bus drove on these roads. So after a beautifully prepared continental breakfast we stood on the side of the road at designated spot. We did not stand together as that would have blocked the road ! Bus arrived duly on time and we headed off. Don’t know what you Aussie drivers moan about – there was a minimum of two wheels on the road at any given time.

We stopped off in middle of town and started to wander slowly towards the 3 main attractions. A Mens Toilet , A Ladies Toilet and a Cezane Appreciation Statue. They do love the guy here. Actually it is a very nice town with plenty of good eateries and some classy shops along a central “mall” . Of course there is a church and a bell tower. And plenty of lousy coffee. We first tried Les Deux Garçons where Cezane used to hang around with at least one more clown I assume. Had the cappuccino and the cream on top was about 4 inches thick. Sadly the coffee underneath was la terrible. We were not surprised. However while wandering up and down the lanes we saw a blackboard outside a small shop called “Coffee to Go ” and amongst many listed there was Flat White and Latte! This had to be worth a go. Inside the menu board had an Aussie $50 note on it along side “Gooday mate ” . Could it be possible? Ordered a flat white to go. Perfect! So we wandered a around a bit more always planning to head back there later to have more coffee and get lunch and dinner to go from nearby shops. This time we sat down and had same coffees only in mugs when noticed there was ” free wifi” . Yeah right. It was lightening fast and reliable! I did not want to leave. It was then we noticed that the Barista had been trained in Spring Hill Brisbane !

But we did. A surprisingly young and hot female bus driver drove us home with aplomb . Our lovely host Martine had told us there was a beautiful lake only 5 mins walk from La Charlotte. Perfect for our purchased Snail baguette. 15 minutes later after walking down a goat track I saw a lake in the distance. It was indeed beautiful. It was still 20 mins away . Bloody French. We sat on two rocks and imagined what the cool clear water may indeed feel like.

So our time near Aix-En-Provence was not quite as planned but still enjoyable and very comfortable. Once you stopped driving. I have seen some things in my life but never wifi so slow it was uploading a file at -68% of 0 ! Tomorrow it is another 300 K to Chambery where we can drop the car off and start to relax!

But I will miss that coffee…..

Non.

The highways are great and the tolls not an issue at all, if a little expensive. Turn offs well indicated in plenty of time. But then you hit the villages and the narrow roads.

We left Millau after breakfast for an almost 300 k drive to our next B&B which was about 10 k outside Aix- En-Provence . The last 100 m were a freaking nightmare ! We had to drive through the town to get to our B&B and while a little hairy the Tom Tom saved the day. Then we approached our turn off. Seriously ?? There is a bees dick (post circumcision) on either side of the car to get the 100 m between houses to our place. If a car is coming the other way you are screwed. Then a 3 point turn and 2 Hail Marys to actually turn into the allotted parking. It is simply a nightmare end of story. It appears there is a bus out on main road which we will use tomorrow to go back to town.

As we had arrived early with no supplies we had to go back out to get lunch which meant going through the terror run again twice and then onto narrow roads for the 7 k to the next village. The lunch was fine and very filling- basically all the cous cous you could eat and then a couple of cows and sheep thrown in.

The B&B itself is very nice and well equipped. Looks nothing like the brochure mind you. Dinner will be a problem but then we are not hungry

It has been a rough day for a couple of reasons, one personal, but at present will be glad when we hand the car back in two days time. Hopefully still with side mirrors intact. Admittedly the car is bigger than we need but then it is a bit of a lottery with rental places when you prebook. Getting the actual car you asked for would be like finding an English speaking waiter at a French Village eatery. Or a half decent coffee anywhere in France

Good nights sleep despite lack of any curtains in bedroom. It is remote I guess. Nice to wake up to a light breakfast of cereal and fruit made by the loving hands of CLP . They are a spare set she keeps hidden away usually 🙂 Still no kettle but at least a microwave so half decent cups of tea were available. When Frenchie had dropped in the night before we asked about the washing machine – ” not sure, never used it” Merde head! So needless to say it was a lot hit and miss- the clothes were washed for 1 hr without ever being threatened by any washing powder. We stopped it and found a ” spin” cycle for 5 mins and then hung them out for some airing at least.

Then it was off to the Roquefort cheese caves in the not too far distance. Now if there is one thing that makes driving in Frogville more fun than usual it has to be thick fog! We missed a couple of turnoffs and the parking spot but eventually found it up amongst the clouds. Well worth the tour for only 5 Euro each although only spoken in French. I picked up “fromage” and ” duck ass” but that was it. Interesting to note the drop off in glamour of the tour guide when the caves have smelly cheese in them rather than sparkling Champers like in Champagne:) . There was one little old lady always asking questions. She had one of those collapsible 3 leg stools that she would plant at front of every stop. She had a husband but he stayed well away. Then we get out and she goes into toilet before CLP and takes for ever! Finally we are leaving and fuck me if she is not parked next to us and has the bloody stool out and sitting in front of our car waiting for the hubby to climb down from tree with noose in hand!

By now it was another beautiful day so we drove back to Viaduct which is indeed an impressive erection. Mind you walk around under it a few times and not much else to see, let alone pay for a guided tour. Then back into car for a nice little village Frenchie had told us about for lunch. Apparently it was closed. Very beautiful indeed and very clean – maybe because no one actually lived there it appears ! So we headed further afield and finally found another village for some hair raising driving and lunch. Again with a plate full of fries – you would think we would learn

Then back home to relax before late afternoon drinkies . I tell ya for a thirsty man these late setting suns are a pain in the ass! It was Champers tonight which seemed only fitting. Frenchie was once again totally non contactable all day as she was out paragliding again. When I can actually upload photos you will see it is quite an amazing sight as takeoff point is the mountain behind us.

It has been an interesting two days, we saw what we wanted to see which means nothing to come back for. At present the French villages we have driven through and visited have not been all that appealing let alone quaint. Hopefully that improves

Tomorrow it’s off to just outside Aix- En-Provence for two days. If there is no wireless there expect a news bulletin in Australia about a B&B host axe murder in a non quaint little French village

Left Perpignan nice and early for first day of driving. Booteeful morning and no real problems getting out of town and onto highway. The tolls work fine if a bit expensive but the roads are great and motor along at 130 . First stop was Carcassone and by now the blue sky was providing a stunning backdrop. Did have a hiccup or two with driving in the city and of course when panic sets in I hit the windscreen wipers rather than indicator as on the usual side for Aussies. It is a manual as well which adds to stress at times. Anyway found the parking space and walked to walled La Cite which was quite impressive, mainly because not crowded yet! Maybe I am just over castles/forts/abbeys/ruins but I really did not see anything too amazing here I had not seen at many previous places. Interesting certainly but away from La Cite the town itself was La Dull. A problem with the parking meter meant it cost us 10 euro instead of 5 but such is life. Then back on the skinny road to Millau

Again a good run on the highways and we were at our destination around 2 pm. Mind you the last bit was hairy indeed and the location was remote and down a very narrow road. To be fair we had told owner to expect us at 4 pm so no one was around when we arrived but key under mat. The place was well equipped but hardly in a state of readiness. The fly paper was alarmingly full. Good to see it works I guess, wonder if owner realises they are not self cleaning !We had paid extra for linen including towels of which there were none apparent. So we unpacked and headed back into town for groceries after trying to contact owner at home and mobile. It’s a dull town too, although a beautiful river does run through it. Had simply the worst coffee ever at the only cafe open. I think they took a duck from the river and squeezed its ass into some luke warm water and then finished off with the piece de resistance – a hair from the mole on the lady owners face. We returned around 5 pm and still no sign of activity from owner. Another phone call and no answer but eventually she called back and said she was para gliding and would be there in an hour! She didn’t not turn up until 6:30 pm which meant we could not have a shower etc before then after a long hot day. Piss poor effort. The place itself is rustic but fine with a beautiful view of the Viaduct but lack of wireless wifi is a pain. CLP says you get what you pay for. My response ” That is why I don’t charge you for sex ”

We also filled up the car with some diesel today which was a fairly smooth process at least in Millau. We now realise the fuel gauge actually goes a little further to the left than the previously assured ” full tank Monsieur ” from Europcar would have you believe ! Also after parking for night we discovered a half finished bottle of Coca cola in side door in back while emptying car – good work fellas.

Using my phone as hotspot to keep fans informed, expect you all to chip in when I get the bill. On for 1 minute and Telstra charged $22 of my data allowance! Ergo Photos to follow later

Some red wine and local cheese eased away some of the pain. The difficult choice then became more wine now for pain down the road maybe? Common sense prevailed in the end.

Yeah I was surprised too

One last hotel breakfast and then time to catch high speed train to Perpignan – same service we had caught from Paris but hopefully going in other direction! Able to spend a relaxing hour in the Renfe lounge before leaving. As occurs everywhere in Europe the advertised “free wi fi” is rarely available and definitely a pain even when. You would think in 2014 large cities could actually provide true free wi fi in the city especially a tourist haven like Barcelona.

The train boarding was easy – although at least they use X-Ray scanning of bags – and the train left on time as usual. Then the fun started. As soon as on train notified that we would have to get off at first stop , Girona, as a tunnel on track had flooded. Did someone leave a tap on? Not really any heavy rain I am aware off. So the train had to disembark with bags and hop on a bus – yes the whole train! And we were only going another 40 minutes ! So after another hour and a half on a bus and waiting on platforms etc we were boarded on a carbon copy of first train, same carriage same seat. All in all not bad but for English speaking you were a bit screwed and just had to follow the masses and hope for the best. At least we were now entertained by the whinging Pom behind us moaning long and loud – yes she was going to Paris. Must admit it does seem like poor track design for a “fast ” train if a bit of rain brings the whole thing down. On the bright side we saw a bit of Girona and got a reminder of why we don’t travel on buses if can possibly avoid it! One last amusing incident about 10 mins short of Perpignan. We stopped in middle of about 4 parallel tracks. Then suddenly on our left, another train whizzed by. Now if it goes quicker than the high speed train, I want that one next time. Once again, and luckily for us, it appears that everyone had to disembark again at Perpignan! Mrs Pommy would not be impressed. They say this time a bridge was out. The dissemination of info to passengers was simply woeful

In an apparent change of fortune when arriving at hotel at 1230 pm it was ready to move into room! Nice room too, more spacious. Still no bloody clock or kettle though! We headed out for lunch and wanted something light- if you call 3000 French fries light that is! Perpignan looks a bit dull. The Hop on Hop Off tourist bus only has one stop. Luckily it was a chocolate shop! We saw one souvenir shop – selling Spanish souvenirs! It was odd indeed, we were in France and yet there were Catalan flags everywhere, not French. The locals looked a bit rough too. We were able to organise our car for a early start tomorrow – a Black Ford Grande C Max. Looks ok, except they stuck the steering wheel on the wrong side. Typical French. It will be an experience.

After the pleasant stroll around town it was back to the rather nice hotel bar for a couple of coldies and an early night. It had been a warm but booteeful day weather wise. Our first travel glitch had been relatively minor in the end.

Our last full day in Barcelona dawned clear and warm and it was time to head off to Park Guell because you can never have enough Gaudi . Actually you can and I have. We had deliberated over metro V Hop on Hop off ( as in the tourist bus, not my preferred sexual activity ) and went with metro as rarely disappointed. We knew we had a 10 min walk to the Park on a hill from Metro but some escalators were involved. At end of day it was a fairly easy walk. Actually finding the entrance to the ” monumental zone” was a bit trickier amongst the vast parkland. We asked a helpful jogger. We had prebooked for the 08:30 entry time and it was nice and quiet and also good light for photos. Took the requisite photos and then it was time to walk down a very steep hill to the easy metro station and head off to Mont Juic and the general vicinity of the 92 Olympic stadium. Just after getting down steep hill and turning corner we saw the drop off point for hop on hop off! Tip for visitors, take the metro and use the side with escalators!

At base of Mont Juic there was a Funicular to take you to top – it was out of order but free bus provided. What a schamozzle ! No signage, no helpers , just go up to street level and look for crowd and wait for a bus that says ” Special” . It was crowded but got us up there and then a working cable car took us right to top. Impressive views of city etc but no stadium nearby. After a good hour walking around we went back to bus spot, again no sign, and flagged it down. It had to go to end of street to turn around and lo and behold, there was the stadium. We couldn’t get off but at least saw it.

Headed home for a bit of rest and a nice lunch of a burger with no bun ! Then a final walk around La Ramblas for some souvenir shopping and then up to the rooftop pool area for sunset with some bread, meat and cheese. Tomorrow it is train to Perpignan and then pick up hire car for week driving through South of France . Lordy Lordy, anything could happen

Some final thoughts on Barcelona. Friendly people, helpful service staff. They understand English well. It is well laid out and easy to walk although the Metro does work well. It is an interesting city rather than a beautiful city to me. Chicago is a beautiful city. It was hectic two days checking the main sites, would be nice to return and just let it flow over you. Good food and drink. Beer in particular is cheap. Coffee was good if you knew what to order – ” coffee with milk” . In general there are more hot women here than in Paris. And they know it