Expanding on a recent status comment why isnt the voting process easier and more tech savvy in 2013? I will be away on Saturday so went down to vote early yesterday – and the line up was out to the street. And that was just the clowns handing out how to vote cards! So went back at sparrows fart this morning – which for reduntirees is 08:30 – and there were only about 6 people there so was through in about 20 minutes! Because we still have a fucking ruler and big book that we have to place a line next to our name and then be explained why the toilet roll they give you is actually the senate voting paper but you only need to put a 1 against your first choice above the line. If voting for politicians a number two would would have seemed more appropriate. Then we had to fill in one to seven on the Rep voting sheet. Bloody hell – had to take my thongs and socks off to count up! And this detailed info is explained to every single person in line so when you get to front counter you have already heard so many many times. Couldnt resist asking the self important goose behind the desk though – “Sorry Could you explain that again please? “. He thought I was serious. I know when Tiny Abcess wins on Saturday we will be time warped back to the 50’s but this is ridiculous.
So whats the solution? Glad you asked. An app in the iTunes store obviously. Android users should not be allowed to vote anyway. Charge 99c if you must and allow for in app purchases like a detailed analysis of the Palmer vote for an extra $9.99 to appease the capitalists. Now voting is a serious issue but lets face it we are not Zimbabwe – although I wish we had their cricket team. Download app, vote and if you manage to luck out with a formal vote (remember we have cleverly weeded out the Android dweebs) you get 5 extra lives in Candy Crush. We can send a man to the moon – shouldnt he be able to vote while there? Its all done electronically and then Abcess is declared the winner. We know he will win whether we want it or not. In a perfect world Kruddy would fess up now before Saturday and say ok we are screwed lets work this out over a double chai latte and save millions of tax payers money. All we want is 5 seats in each state and for you to pass the Same Sex Marriage Bill – here after to be known as the Krudd Doctrine in memory of his one Bartletesque moment during the campaign. To sweeten the deal, we will get a statue of Tony erected with all the other dinosaurs at Palmer Coolum Resort. As an added bonus it frees up Channel Nine on this Saturday night to show reruns of Hey Hey its Saturday with the former labour caucus on Red Faces
Ok wont happen of course so I will form my own ALP – Antisocial Lazy Pricks – with this as my platform. So , come Saturday 7th to avoid the risk of a well hung parliament Vote 1 Flash and send mediocrity to hell. You know it makes sense.
And its another clever Martin Sheen tie in. Maybe should have gone with avoid the Apocalypse Now ?
flashman181 