flashman181

These are the days I really enjoy on holidays when no real plans but they always work out well. Well , one small plan I guess – which is all my brain can handle – and that was to visit the Deep Ellum area. First up the search for a good coffee began. And ended . Stupid Good Coffee was excellent , simple as that . Now it was one bus trip to downtown and then walk to this coffee place and then another bus to DE. Have I mentioned how hopeless I am with Google maps and always head off in wrong direction. So standing outside coffee shop looking at phone puzzled when a nice old Yank wandered over and said “Are you having trouble Sir?” “Does Fox News hate Obama?” (I knew he was American because if he had been Aussie he would have said ” what the fuck r u doing mate ? ) So explained my goal and bus I needed and he pointed off in general direction of bridge and said well that is DE and…. ” that’s ok pal I can walk that ” keeping in mind significant eating and drinking was in my immediate future. He looked a bit puzzled and not sure walking is a concept familiar with Yanks. So headed off into a part of town I wouldnt walk through by myself in the dark trust me. Mind you it was only desolate and run down and not as if gangbangers on every corner . I didn’t get molested or even propositioned once.

Now of course it still wasn’t even 10 am yet so no place was open but this was OK as DE was well known for street art as well as alternative lifestyle and an active club scene. So wandered around snapping happily as got close to 11 and as luck would have it ended up at Braindead Brewery – the perfect place. Now there was no one apart from me hanging off the door handle at 10:59 but across the road they were lining up around the block at Pecan Lodge . That needed checking out later . But first , is that $3 beer specials I see?? So eventually stumbled across the road after reading that Pecan Lodge was a Texan BBQ place and well regarded . Well it was lunch time. Went inside and the line up inside was still massive but saw a sign that said ” Express lane >5 lb meat” Now in relating this and subsequent snafus I did have some beverage on board so my maths conversion was sub par. So line up and order my combo of 3 meats and a side of slaw and he just looks at me. ” You need more than 5 lb meat Sir” . Was about to pull down my pants when realised he meant the order size so embarrassingly went and lined up with the great unwashed . On a side note for those lucky in the bed flute department – USA toilets are already half full of water in bowl so if u sit down quick in a full relaxed state you could get a cool surprise . Or so I am told.

The line moved fast but have to admit thoughts of Soup Nazi scenario swirled in my head as I approached. All worked easily enough and before you knew it I was shortening my life expectancy with the best of them . Surprised there were only forks available but that tells you how tender the meat was. Time for another leisurely stroll back to downtown and some souvenir shopping- not an easy task mind you in Dallas. Wandered into Wild Bills Western Store and was pleasantly surprised and mildly successful. Even got myself a Duke T shirt

Then it was time to head back to unit and relax before that last beer or two. Time to pack as leave tomorrow for Washington. Given I was not convinced about my choice of Dallas have to say it has been a blast and though have likely ticked all the tourist boxes could easily stay a few more days . Maybe not very indicative of Texas in general but certainly different to next two cities. Very friendly people as most Americans are . A final anecdote to demonstrate

Standing on corner ready to cross when a 30ish guy says ” I will just move downwind Sir” WTF, do I smell and gave him a look. Ok remember earlier ” brain may be addled slightly” statement. Of course he would not move down wind if I smelt. On closer inspection he was smoking. So walked up to him and put hand on shoulder and said ” Thanks mate, that was very considerate ” His reply? ” Well Sir you look like a healthy fella and I didn’t want any part of that ” And we shook hands and laughed. Then I slapped him around as have appearances to maintain.

One of the reasons I keep coming back .

Beer is pretty cheap too ..

Another glorious day dawned and even a bit of nip in the air . Today was a visit to Stockyards at Fort Worth so first had to get myself to Union Station. Now I am an early riser which is suited in Maryhole but trust me this place is dead before 8 am. I thought Union Station must have moved given it is hub for Amtrak et al. No one around really and you just walk across tracks and hope you heard the train a coming first. Anyhoo caught the TRE nice and easy and sat back for the hour long trip through extremely dull country . On arrival time to find a bus and head west young man. The stockyards are a fair way out of city centre and one could say in another county if not maybe another century. A couple of good old boys were jawing on the bus , in between spitting baccy, about how Taylor Swift had sold out . I told them my financial advisor was a huge fan and he suggested this trip so he knows stuff. When he rested his hand on his gun I broke into some Tim McGraw and it all settled down . If I had on me boots there would have been scooting

As per earlier fact it was still relatively early when I hit cowtown (09:30) and even the tumbleweeds were still tied up. Walked up and down the street a few times until saw a 10 gallon hat poking out a door and found a saloon open! Yee Ha. And they were playing Harper Valley PTA ! Again, an enormous beer came out in the thickest glass I had seen but hot diggety it was colder than a rattlesnakes stare. Then went and watched some calf roping before the cattle drive down the Main Street at 11:30. Everything is big in Texas – apart from this cattle drive. Looked like about 3 Longhorns and an over fed dog. So I went and lassoed me one and sat on it just because I could . Then it was onto Billy Bob’s Honky Tonk tavern and fair to say the love affair with size was back. The place is huge! Another beer and a ” photo opportunity ” before time to traverse back to ITC and catch train home . It all worked smooth enough but a lot of time was spent on public transport. Still, it was well worth the effort to be a cowboy for a few hours and even picked up some Spurs for CLP

As Union station is next to Reunion Tower and it was still a glorious day I did the observation tower thingy. Then some more buses just for a change . Have to say the integrated transport system along with the excellent GO app does make travel around easy .

Tomorrow looms as a fairly relaxed day with some souvenir shopping maybe and a general walk around downtown. There does appear to be a large population of disaffected youth wandering the streets and also a strong police presence. Always felt safe but could see some potential for disturbance . I wouldn’t say my nerves are rattled but better go out and have a beer in case

Can’t hurt eh ?

Yeah ok a day late but those Aussies won’t know. So a rough nights sleep as expected after all the travel didn’t exactly bode well for a long day but as soon as the the sun shone through on a bright blue day I knew it would be alright. Today’s plan was Segway and a visit to 6th Floor museum. First time to use the bus DART system so left nice and early for my 10 am tour. The designated meeting place turned out to be a fire hydrant in an empty lot so thought I may have been sucked in until remembered had not paid yet. Rang the guy and he said he would be there in 5 which was great as only 08:45. Duly turned up at hydrant with wifey in tow – it’s a small operation folks. Still in what was turning out to be a likely run of blister inducing knob kisses he said you are only person on tour so we can go early. ” Have u ever ridden one before ?” ” Do Texans shoot first and ask later mate?” Put them in their place early I say

So headed off with wifey and once again confirms that a Segway tour is the best way to see a new city. Saw so much and stopped for all photos all on a glorious brisk morning. As finished well before time decided to see if my 1pm booked tour of ” the naughty supply room” was transferable for 11 am . Pants down, flute pointing north – ” Of course sir” . Very informative visit indeed but really the highlight is being in Dealey Plaza and looking at the two “x” marks on street indicating the two head shots . Highlight may be poor choice of words but it is a slightly surreal moment . Scanned the grassy knoll for any shell casings but came up empty.

As day was going so well thought why not catch a bus and a train out to SMU today and see the George Bush Presidential library. All worked quite well with the excellent DART trip planner app and so arrived around 1:30 pm. Of course one has to sit in the replicas Oval Office and have photo taken. It’s a massive place well worth a visit and have to say the Cafe 43 lunch I had of Texan Chicken Caesar salad was simply superb. The transit back to my abode was a bit more tricky but still achieved and home before 4 pm. Relax for a bit and then out for another beer. Although the Beerita beckons may check out other places first. After all variety is the spice of life

Downtown Dallas is a rather sprawling city but very clean and no conglomeration of skyscrapers. All well spaced out. Hopefully tomorrow is off to Fort Worth for the day

Remainder of time in Sydney was spent watching final round of Pebble Beach Golf before starting to pack. Ok, so my TSA lock won’t open, lucky it was unattached at time. Across toad to QVB and a quick purchase of a new one and then time to catch train to International Airport. The airport link train is an excellent mode of travel. Of course I arrived in plenty of time and was pleasantly surprised to be able to book in 4 hrs before departure ! As it was a late upgrade I did not have seat confirmed but happy to see it was a window seat in middle of upper deck. The Qantas club is of course excellent but one does have to pace one self. Yeah right…….

Fairly smooth boarding and we left on time. On a 16 hr flight one is a little concerned when in a window seat but luckily had a small Asian woman next to me that was going to be easy to jump over even at full stretch. These are of course the refurbished A380s and they have skinted on some of the luxuries – like number of toilets ! The plane was showing its age a bit but these are first world problems. Have been fortunate to fly Emirates BC as well and would say the seat and cabin are better there but where Qantas excel are food and service. Now even though the possibility exists to get as full as a state school hat rack you never do because before u know it the shades are down and the Jammies are on. Yep, slipped into my Peter Morrisey Summer Bogan collection that would not look out of place at Station Square on Centrelink day. Comfy though. Now lie flat is a fine concept but never really get comfortable and my feet did actually touch seat bubble in front at full stretch. Watched The Martian at last which was very enjoyable and then a couple of 20 min cat naps and before you knew it there was only 10 hrs to go! Another fine breakfast served a couple of hours out which was actually 11:30 am Texas time so body clock could get confused . Now just have to see how the traverse through customs goes and hopefully there is a driver waiting outside to take me to Dallas lodgings

Got through Customs nice and quick with automated processing although the Sheila in uniform wasn’t buying I was old enough to be retired! A sista was there to take me to lodgings and she was very helpful and even took me to AT&T after check in to fix up phone. The apartment is great and in a good complex. A few lite groceries and then a walk around neighbourhood before jet lag sets in. Hey, look at that a beer garden….. Katy’s Trail is a well known walking running track in the area and of course smack bang in middle is the Icehouse beer garden. As expected in Texas the beers and burgers were huge and very reasonable price. Once again very friendly people although may get tired of hearing ” ya good Hon” ? after a few days .Mind you if she is serving beer it may pass. Or maybe it is a question unrelated to service at all and more of a challenge ?? I will have to go back and try the beerita – frozen Margeurita with beer upturned in it. Lovely afternoon despite current forecast of thunderstorms. Who would have thunk the bureau could be wrong here too.?

Will be early night after flight and then full on touristy clown starts tomorrow with Segway and JFK museum.

I think I could like Texas

And so , because 3 weeks galavanting around USA is not enough let’s have a weekend in Sydney first. As you do. The big bird to Dallas only flies from Sydney anyhoo so it is a necessity your honour. Booked into Hilton in George Street and asked for a high floor. 42 will do nicely. Basic room but everything u need including roll down blinds. Great location for discovering the city and some iconic erections. It was the month of Love in Sydney and also Chinese New Year or something so the place was full of lovers and Chinese. Just as well they lifted the one child restriction eh . We wanted to see all of the 12 “lanterns” littered around the city and were able to do this easily by foot over the two days. First up though was a walk to Darling Harbour for a walk and a bite . Such a lovely day we thought would be devilish and see if any cruises available at short notice and of course there were as it was that sort of trip so far. So off we headed with Gilligan for a 2.5 hr cruise – government cutbacks already! It’s a stunning harbour as we all know but does appear to be a free for all and why there are not daily accidents amazes me . Seems to be no rhyme or reason for rules of the sea except maybe big boat beats little boat for right of way. And there were some massive liners at dock. After our cruise it was back for a special dinner to celebrate my birthday and Valentines Day. We had booked into the Glass Brasserie on site which sounds a little low key but has a famous chef Luke Mangan so we gave it a whirl for the degustation and matching wine. Simply superb and trust me we have had a few degustations over time.

So after a rather rugged nights sleep the day dawned dark and miserable. Ah no, we left the blinds down again. Ok, another glorious day and those lanterns were coming down tomorrow so let’s head off . Walked to Circular Quay to see the great unwashed disembark at regular intervals and then around to Opera House etc. Then headed in opposite direction for Chinatown to complete our Lantern odyssey before back to room for a bed a lie down. Then it was time to check out the Lunar Markets over at Pyrmont Park which were nothing special to be honest but were located opposite Star Casino so instead we went to Skydeck bar and paid $10 for a Corona but the view was worth it trust me. A final dinner at Darling Harbour on way back concluded a rather wonderful 36 hrs.

It’s now 5 am Monday morning and CLP has just headed off to airport for red eye back to Brisvegas as she still has to work. Yeah tried to keep a straight face too but couldn’t manage it :). Just so the devoted fans don’t feel too sad for moi I was able to upgrade flight to Dallas to Business class using some FF points. Well, a lot of FF points but when you are #internationalbarfly they do accumulate over time ! So a lazy few hours to fill in this morning around hotel before head out to airport with feedbag and funnel in place . And then the real fun starts

It’s been a wonderful start to the holiday but will be glad when get to some cooler climates . One hopes for some snow maybe the following week but first up have to avoid pissing off the open carry brigade in Texas with my usual charm and sensitivity . I am representing Autralia after all

Have the cap to prove it!

In a sure sign of advancing old age as holiday approaches my excitement level doesnt rise but more the list of things that could go wrong expand! A lot can happen in 7 days – Old Whiskers may create another heaven and earth for example. Probably looked at the weather forecast and put it off a while. At least I should be able to tick off “severe head cold” because I have had that for the last week! Seem to have avoided the salmonella/spider laced salad treat as well so far.

First concern of course is actually leaving the country. Once you get on that first plane then at least anything that happens after that at least u r on holidays even if u suddenly find yourself in Cuba. I have asked for an upgrade on first leg on A380 as do not have ideal seats and may as well use the FF points. Of course Qantas dont tell you of your fate until about 24-48 hrs before flight because they are still hoping to flog the seats for full whack. Clearly not as much hope on our first domestic leg from Brisvegas to Sydney where I have been bombarded with emails from Qantas this week asking me first if I want to upgrade this leg and when that failed if I want to bid on an upgrade. Well clowns no because I have to keep all my points in case I get the international upgrade 2 days later which u aint telling me about yet! BC upgrade for such a short leg really isnt worth it when already a QC member so full on snout in trough before even get on plane.

Weather is always a concern but then you cant do much about that. Last year I was trying to keep one step ahead of Marcia Marcia Marcia as it slowly moved down the coast. As I have plenty of time I though as a sheer exercise in futility I would monitor predicted temps in the 3 cities I will visit for period I am there. When the overnight mins varied by 8 degrees in a 48 hr period I knew this would only be a frustrating exercise. My fave though had to be the one for NYC on March 4th. Ok this link will likely change over next 24 hrs but trust me when I say it predicts the temperature range for that day is 4 to 4. Yep, not a degree change all day! “Hey Frank , are you sure this is right?” “Yep, that is what the modelling says”

Weather NYC March 4th

Hoping for a bit of winter snow at least in Boston but may well be out of luck. Phil is predicting an early spring and lets face it has as much chance as anyone else of being right! Does anyone else think those bloody hats could be blocking the shadow! At least we know where failed Republican Presidential candidates end up

Any pending OS travel of course means interaction with Centrelink before ,during and after. Actually physically presented twice to downtown office and much smoother process than actually waiting an hour on phone. Confidence level still the same though. I have a letter confirming my notification of leaving country but the lassie said I will
still get the annoying reminders about reporting etc because “they are automated”. Well switch them off sweetheart, its 2016! Technology is wonderful until it aint.

We do of course have a very enjoyable weekend in Sydney first up and read an interesting blog this week comparing Sydney and Melbourne with the author coming down very much on the side of Sydney. I have always been a Melbourne fan but it struck me about a similar comparison between NYC and Washington. Like Washington, Sydney has some of the most iconic must see sights in Australia for any international visitor but does that make it the more interesting city? Dont think so but will be good to see for a couple of days with a very nice dinner planned for Saturday night and with both Valentines Day and my Birthday to celebrate … well if I can even walk onto the plane on Monday someone isnt doing their job properly eh!

So now just a case of waiting and filling in the week with usual mix of work, coughing and play. Still waiting to hear about possible White House tour but all I have are a few emails from Hillary Clinton so not confident but very well informed about US foreign policy!

Acronyms rule baby. When I was a youngun the first thing we did , after washing our slate in the morning, was learn our ABDs. Yes the letter C was banned due to the possibility of its usage in the naughty word. Catholic. Simple but fun times. Then Whitey and his Less Hairy Simian mates sung a tune and the world changed

But I digress as is my want. ABD does of course refer to Adventure Before Dementia which is my Creed (Yo Rocky) for my trip to USA next month. Yes , now only a month away. The plan was to retrace JFKs backwards but saying KFJ just kept making me hungry for some reason. In a week when you certainly dont want to be 69 it can also be said that applies to the conversion rate for the Aussie $ to the US Greenstuff given now is the week the US accommodations want the final payments. Ouch! It really is a case of bent over the bonnet with chili on the stick . One’s eyes do water. What can u do though eh when u need to plan holidays up to 12 months in advance and hope for the best ? So, given that Jackie gave the Dallas Uber driver a really bad review we must start there

Ah Texas, the land of “Open Carry”. I am hoping like hell it means the cowgirl takes the top of your beer before bringing to your hay bale but I fear it has something more to do with the point and shoot variety of accessory. A few days in Dallas to kick off as Qantas do fly straight in from Sydney and thus avoid the need for that dreaded LAX transfer. A Segway is planned, always a great way to get the lay of the land in a new city. A trip to 6th Floor Museum and a general inspection for shell casings around the grassy knoll are on the agenda along with a day trip to Fort Worth to actually see some cattle roaming down the middle of the street. You know like Kangaroos do here. The weather should be pleasant for Texas with no real winter to speak of and seem to have my head around the transport system there referred to as DART. Of course whenever I think of Dart my mind does wander to weather forecasting so should be prepared for anything and the buses going the wrong way etc

Then it is on to Washington with American Airlines Fokker or similar. A week up near the Capitol area should be very pleasant and a bit cooler. Easy walking town and though have been there before have a few new sites lines up including Foggy Bottom. If its anything like Foggy Head should be a hoot and easily forgotten the next day. Do have a White House Tour request in which basically involves a long drawn out process, a promised kidney donation if needed and a lot of luck. If my luck holds I could well be sitting on Michelle’s lap for my 58th birthday. Our Union could be in some State eh. With my luck I will probably get run over by bloody Seinfeld and his Corvette. A few watering holes have been penciled in just for a change and a detailed public transport odyssey outlined to see the famous Exorcist Steps in Georgetown. A day trip to Baltimore is also on the cards just for something different and to see Babe Ruths birthplace etc

Finally it is on to Boston where a lot of it started for JFK. Once again have been here briefly before and walked the Freedom Trail yada yada yada. Different weather this time with the general forecast not all that Flash for Boston in March. Still anything beats Feb/March in QLD! A day trip to Salem planned to catch up with some old bosses and once again a fairly easy walking town, weather permitting. One thing u do find at this time of year is many tours close especially any involving the harbour. Plenty of TV/Movie sites to check out and of course the original Cheers pub . Mind you I just tend to walk into any pub , grab a beer and say Cheers mate.

Then it is a train to NYC for one night just to make the travel home more relaxed. Mind you one night’s accommodation in NYC could probably feed an African family for a year but as JFK would say “Ask not how much is the room, but is breakfast included” ? Maybe lost something in the translation. One of his quotes does seem rather appropriate though

Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.

I assume he is referring to underwear but I also think there is something in there about looking forward and going with the flow. Its an uncertain world these days and if your number is up so be it. Obviously it wasnt for last weeks Powerball or I could well be staying at The White House next month!

The drive back was relatively smooth apart from usual hiccups when actually in city. Tom Tom again proved its worth and luckily avoided any of those quaint little U Turns into oncoming Trams. Still a few last minute lane changes but arrived at Hertz nice and early only to wait around for the initial ding and scratch report to be delivered by carrier pigeon apparently. Luckily the multiple scratches had not multiplied and trekked off to our hotel with no high hopes of entry at 10:30 am. Well drop em fellas and bend over because our room was ready. Have to say the Mantra on Park has improved with each visit and our 2 bedroom apartment on 13th floor was great and just for a change there was a free bottle of wine included! If I couldnt set up a liver for brain cell transplant soonish I could be in trouble. So on a coolish overcast day we headed out for our first “recommended” coffee at Code Black. All looked good until that first taste and you realised they had slipped the old organic bean trick past ya. So quickly onto Lygon Street for some supplies to absorb said wine and a quick lunch. Back to room and into running gear for trip down to Southbank again. By running gear I mean socks and thongs of course. It is an easy walk but still felt need for a pint of Guinness at PJ Orileys to ward off any subtle dehydration that may present later. A walk back, a feed and slurp and it was time for bed as a full day beckoned next day with possible interaction with morons

Our Yarra Valley (yeah twice is the charm)/ Puffing Billy/ Lamington feast was a 9 hr affair via a coach so alarm bells were poised. The hotel pick up may well be a helpful service but man it is a tedious affair at 7:30 in morning in CBD. We picked up some likely suspects but all was looking nice and quiet until we landed at Federation Square and the rest of the gang boarded – not too many spare seats after that and I felt like Stealers Wheel with Asians to the left of me and French to the right!

We finally left sometime after 0830 and headed off towards Dandenongs with the “lovable” Mark as our bus driver. Not sure its a good idea to have bus driver also as tour guide especially someone who likes a natter. Now Mark was like those uncles you see at family parties that are very friendly and tell the oldest and corniest jokes ever with just a dash of sexism for good measure. He seems particularly fascinated by the average housing price in any given suburb and the lack of shopping centres in small towns. But he was a good driver and we soon arrived for our “Billy Tea and Lamington” at Grants Reserve. I am guessing by the freshness of said lamingtons that the previous days tour group didnt front. Then it was onto the Puffing Billy short trip to Menzies Creek. Now have to say this was better than expected and for one major reason – you can sit in the window! If we could have stood on the roof as well I could cross “Ride a train in India” off my bucket list. Anyhoo it was good fun and sure enough old Marky Mark was waiting with Bus there to finally take us to some wineries. We had a very passable lunch at Rochfords along with tastings followed by further tastings at Dominique Portet and Yering Farm. All in all a very good way to pass a couple of hours. One advantage with being in a tour group is no one really expect large purchases so less guilt associated with multiple sipping. Then it was back on bus for the long trip back home where we got off in middle of town for some chinese at Dragon Palace or something – not sure have ever spent $100 as quickly for a meal and felt less satisfied. In summary though would say the tour group worked well and no real stragglers although you always had the “last on board ” pegged early. Also kinda surprised why anyone would bring a one-two year old on this trip. Maybe for the stale lamington?

An early night and then off to a lovely breakfast at Seven Seeds ( when in doubt return to faves) and onto Queen Victoria markets. Two amazing things happened here – CLP didnt buy much and I bought a pair of $80 shoes in about 3 mins – very against the norm for moi. Back to hotel and it then dawned on me there was a big race on today (Cox Plate) as da ladies were all tarted up and drinking champers at 10 am in hotel foyer. This could get ugly later when they returned . We wandered back around town for a while and had a beer just for a change before a quiet afternoon as we also had entertainment planned for later on with a BBQ dinner with an old workmate of CLP in East Melbourne. A couple of tram rides later and we were knocking on door at 530 pm expecting to be leaving again about 7 pm. I even downloaded a metro app to make sure of a quick getaway. So after about 6 bottles of wines and several beers for our little group of 6 it was 10 pm and could no longer even read the bloody iphone app! I had done it again – got full as a state school hat rack the night before a longish flight and even longer drive. If the sheilas at the hotel were partying I have no idea. About 4-5 hrs sleep max and it was out to QC before squishing into cattle class for a few hours and then a drive to Sunny Coast followed by the longer haul to Maryhole. Strangely felt better as the day progressed. Then the Qld heat hit!

So all in all a great jam packed week of drinking, seeing family, drinking, some sights, drinking, socialising with new friends and some drinking. As always after a time like this one realises one should have more holidays at home and the way the Aussie $ has tanked , next year is already taking shape for a return visit to Victoria. But I dont want devoted fans to think it is all beer and skittles for this little black duck

After all, still have to go to USA first in Feb next year for a play in the snow. Its a tough life but think I am up for it. I am known for my resilience. Or is that real sillyness ? I always get those two mixed up.

Later suckers

Seasoned campaigners like us know a little planning goes a long way so had organised to pick hire car up from Footscray for quicker access to Western highway. This of course first meant a taxi from Spencer Street but still worth it. Pick up was straight forward and after some heavy traffic were quickly motoring along highway at a good clip on way to Daylesford. As we were early for booking we stopped in town for a coffee and a walk around. This was not going to chew up much time trust me. What was to become a common theme over next two days is that these small towns don’t open up a lot midweek. Then it was on to accomodation just outside Daylesford in a hamlet called Musk. Along the way though we saw a winery – Passing Clouds – which we mistook for Passing Clowns so thought we just had to drop in. A few tastings and a plate or two of cured meats couldn’t hurt surely.

We were staying at Peppermint Srings retreat on a rather pampered two night package which included two massages, a cooked two course meal in room and hot breakfasts both days. Additionally we were told bar fridge would be full and all free. Now this place was stocked with everything you could want including a bottle of sparkling wine and two straws. The cottage itself was massive and did I mention the full size spa bath and steam shower ? First up were the very relaxing massages before we tucked into the wine, cheese etc. Naturally I assumed both massages would be for me but alas was mistaken. After the late afternoon nibbles and gulping we were feeling rather full and dinner was still to come , along with an enema at some stage in the future methinks. A simple but beautifully prepared meal was further enhanced by rather rich desserts which are still sitting in fridge as I write. Ok maybe a few bites missing, don’t want to risk hypoglycaemia after all. It was early to bed for this LBD and a fairly restful night was had considering I really couldn’t move for fear of capsize.

Hot full breakfast the next morning meant exercise was needed STAT as the real dining experience was still to come. A good walk around the lake was in order on what was a very pleasant overcast day. The only problem with walking around a lake is once you get half way around you are committed anyway. So a couple more little side detours looking for Jason and it was time to go home and get dressed up to go back to – the Lake! Now this Lakehouse restaurant is very well known and highly regarded so a treat lay in store and did not disappoint. Only two courses needed as still had that dessert at home…… Quite reasonable really considering the quality and prestige. Then it was back home to defrock ( but still no Trakkies allowed) and then head in opposite direction to Trentham and a wonderful new world apparently. It was closed. We saw some Falls, a lookout, a wombat statue and plenty of closed shops. CLP went to the Diggers Shrine – no not fallen soldiers but rather potato seeders or something. We drove down a road to a Lost Children’s Monument which was two postcards on a tree and a broken Popsicle stick. The Tavern and Cidery closed 5 minutes before we arrived. We climbed the lookout and couldn’t see anything because of trees. It was just that sort of day. When all else fails go the pub I say. Back into Daylesford and the Royal hotel for a couple of cold ales. Being a gentleman I left $10 on counter for our two pots and headed to my own shrine or as some call it , the urinal. Got back and asked CLP where my change was and she said ” You owe me $2 ya clown” . Ain’t love grand ? Ok back to our retreat for a toasted sandwich and an early night for tomorrow we do everything in reverse. No, we don’t have wine and then breakfast but rather we have to return car to Melbourne CBD. Should be a barrel of laughs .

Time to trek south once more to see a bit more of Victoria and catch up with family. If the zoo was open of course. Shortish flight so cattle class will do but don’t cry for me just yet as am approaching said plane from the Qantas Club. Slightly smaller plane – 737- so actually boards from both ends. Bit like me at an all u can eat buffet. This should work well you would think? You walk down the skywalk and big sign directs seats 15-29 to right and out to back of plane. 1-14 stay left. Go down and climb up stairs and find our twin aisle seats easy enough and the watch the morons struggle. You would think sitting in row 19 no one should be coming from front of plane and going to back seats eg 21. You would be wrong. And of course morons gather in groups so you have clowns that boarded from back walking up to row 7! The only other certainty in life is that when you think you have the knob kiss and no one is seated next to you as doors about to close the last heifer arrives ( from the front of course!) and needs you to get up so they can almost squeeze into their seats. In ROW 19!

Easy enough flight I guess and picked up at airport by John and Lorraine which was very helpful. Now when I went to school they had slates. That is not relevant here though but the maths I did is. 13 kgs is 13 kgs right? Both of our bags weighed about the same but somehow CLP slipped 16 house bricks in her bag while on the baggage carousel ! And no wheels! It was so heavy on one side I walked around in circles for 30 secs whenever I put it down until my body alignment adjusted. Anyhoo a little detour to see latest addition to family- Alice – and a lovely lunch with Nic , Paul and Hannah before heading off to our digs for first 3 days with JL in Macleod. Needless to say the drinking started early only to be interrupted by the eating. Daylight saving too of course but this little black duck wasn’t waiting for no sun to set over yardarm. Which is about 10 pm. Apparently.

On Sunday we took a drive to Yarra Valley to visit some wineries and also Healesville. Oak ridge and Chandon were first up and always great to travel with someone who knows about wine- and is also prepared to be designated driver ! Chandon was especially impressive as CLP loves her bubbles. Healesville is a bit like Montville meets Nimbin with many interesting shops and characters. Strangely they all come from the one family! Sadly we couldn’t make the markets 😦 More wine purchased and even some rather famous Gin it appears. Time for some sweets so what better place than the Chocolaterie near Yarra Glen. Ok, it was Sunday but the crowd was massive for a rather isolated place. What is the diabetic % in Victoria anyway ? Then onto Yerring station for final visit before the trip back home on what had been a glorious day. The wine travelled pretty well too but strangely did not last 24 hrs.

On our third day we travelled into CBD as some folk had to work. He He Ha Ha. Another glorious day so after a stroll through the streets we took a river cruise on the Yarra and had a very pleasant lunch at Ponyfish Island. Then back home for a bex and a lie down because rumour had it there may be drinking involved later that night. They were right.

Lovely few days with family and then on Tuesday it was time to hire a car and drive to Daylesford for a couple of days. This of course would involve driving through Melbourne. Yikes,stay tuned fans