Thou Shall Not

Posted: July 2, 2013 in Midlife Crisis in Maryhole

The government tried to get a lot of legislation through in its likely last days of sitting. But they missed some golden opportunities to fix this country. After 6 months of reduntiring I have a different view on some things so here is my list of new laws required to help Kruddy along. Lets face it he already parted the Red Sea – from her job

1. Roadworks. When you have to slow down at roadworks where there is actually no work being done you gain special points which can be subsequently used to offset any demerits accrued while speeding through actual roadwork

2. Speeding. With the introduction of the reduced “allowance” for over the speed limit to reflect aussie made speedometers we also introduce same fines for anyone travelling 5 K below speed limit

3. Dogs. All dogs are allowed 5mins barking per kg per day. Beyond that they are put down or their owner. Owner can choose

4. News bulletins. Any news bulletin that refers to another show also on same channel within the context of reporting “news” loses all advertising revenue accrued for length of bulletin. ABC simply fades to black. Additionally all morning “news infotainment” crap is removed from broadcasting and so called media “personalities” shot at dawn instead , one day at a time

5. Weather Forecasting. No weather forecasts are to be broadcast where the forecast period extends beyond the next 12 hrs. All registered users will receive an email every morning with “Bureaus Best Guess” for that day

6. Checkout chicks and Hairdressers are not allowed to speak to paying customers

7. Government will supply one free coffee every morning to all citizens along the old school milk principle of the 1960s

8. Any Australian Tennis Player that makes the third round of a major tournament receives a trophy

9. English Bowlers are not allowed to swing the cricket ball

10. Two State of Origin Matches are played at Lang Park every year. It is the worlds best ground and we all want a 20 year dynasty

You know it makes sense.

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