Tis the Season to be Fat and Jolly?

Posted: December 27, 2012 in Midlife Crisis in Maryhole

Dont see too many fat and jolly people. There are some around and usually they have been FJ all their lives but is it genuine or simply a defense mechanism. I suspect the latter because it is hard to imagine why anyone would be fat and jolly because it is just so damn uncomfortable even when you throw on a couple of extra kgs. The guy in the Red Suit gets a a lot of press around now but is hard to imagine when he hits Australia on Xmas Eve and its 25 degrees at midnight that he has a smile on the dial wearing a full length flannel body suit with a full beard and lugging around a heavy bag of goodies. The poor old reindeers may get a few extra lashes around this latitude.

Of course this is the first festive season in 35 years where I dont have to consider whether I am working Xmas or NYE when the discussions about family gatherings start in October. Also coincides with now there are 3 x GSs to visit all at different ages with the eldest just starting to fall under the magic spell that is Xmas. So there was a trip out to Toowoomba to see GS 1-3 inclusive which included discovering a very nice B&B and then on to Brisvegas to spend a couple of days with the CLP side of the clan who are all wonderful hosts. Apart from the constant disappointment of the inaccurate weather forecasts giving one false hope it was a wonderful few days. It was also an opportunity to get back out on the old motorbike because I have been slack of late. A 2 hour ride though certainly brings home a few facts about getting old. My knee simply blew up the next day – is it just because I sat in the one position for 2 hrs? Hell I use to sit for 8 hrs in a row at work without moving with no problem?? Three days later it is still stiff and swollen and not in the good way we all dream of. Suddenly my plan to reduce my golf handicap quickly is being threatened. As if a complete lack of skill and ability was not enough of a hindrance!

An interesting development many years ago was the introduction of the elasticised waist for “maternity” clothes so that the actual genuinely fat and jolly ladies could still feel comfortable and look good and removed the need to buy potato sacks for those last 3 months. When did this creep into menswear? Now I hate shopping with a passion which is only matched by my aversion to spending more than about$30-40 on any one item of clothing. These 2 facts coincide with short quick visits to Lowes for work clothes and shorts. I normally would look at the “stout” range of pants in the 102/107 region because this gives extra room for the bedflute and is also much easier than actual dieting. Generally the cut and style were fine. Last pair I bought a few months ago suddenly had an elasticised waist in them? Then my golf shorts had the same deal?? The problem with this of course is that all sense of style and cut are gone and you simply have a larger waist but the other areas are that of a smaller size and dare I say somewhat restrictive in delicate areas. You quickly realise out on the golf course in 34 degree heat that they really do ride up with wear and no one is free let alone my boys.

Now Xmas should not be all doom and gloom – otherwise it would just be like the rest of the year. But as I sit here on the computer and look down at that one present I didn’t want from Santa – an extra roll around the old waistal area – it can be depressing. Then you realise that the Oscars will be on in a few months which can only mean one thing. Its SCREENER SEASON.

Another Festivus miracle.

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